A year ago I left the closet and since then have had a really rough time dating. In the past year none of the dates I've been on have lead to a relationship. The reasons I hear are mostly, "Your really smart and really nice, but I'm not interested." These seem like lame reasons, and I'm not sure if most lesbians in their twenties are this way or if this is just a regional thing where I live. Any advice or thoughts. Also no pity replies, please. I want advice from people who've been in the same situation and learn what they did or didn't do.
I don't think your situation is unique to being Lesbian. I can say that I've been on more than a few dates where the guys said "you're cute and nice and all, but um..no". After a few of those in a row, my ego and heart had been really beat up and I didn't want to bother. And I didn't for a while. What I found worked for me, was that I worked resolving issues in my life that I felt might hold me back from being the perfect catch. Maybe it was making more money or having a better job, or a nice wardrobe, more time at the gym or a new car. All self improvement tasks that were easily workable. While all seemingly trivial things for a relationship, it helped me have a focus rather than dwelling on the dismal dates. While this suggestion doesn't even come close to answering your question, it might help you work on feeling better about you and not dwelling so much on the crap-tastic dates that didn't lead to anything. Try not to get discouraged. Maybe, you are trying to attract the wrong type of person for you?
I agree with Hyaline. I had instances where I'd asked people that I liked out, and they said "well, you're really nice and funny but...I'd like to just be friends.". So at the moment, all I'm doing is making sure that I'm "catchable". I'm working on getting a full time job, wanting to get my master's, and smaller things like getting an new cellphone and new laptop. And I'm learning how to cook better. All these things will make that special someone like you back at a higher rate, presumably, than before. Practically is a cool thing to have and your dates will love that.
That's kind of why I don't really date. I usually just fall for friends I've known for years and ask if they want a relationship; there's no awkward dating to get to know one another periods that way. And if they say no, at least I still have a cool friend.
If you think about the situation... what do you think? Is something missing, what kind of relationship are you looking for, do you have the feeling you want to do other things first? Some people had success the moment they were able to relax a bit and stop trying too hard... some start a hobby or get around with friends to meet people, some try online dating... if you live in a big city, there might be a lesbian sports club, for example...
shit happens, just dont give up on yourself *says the girl who has given up, on herself* i'm good at advice
Don't worry too much about them, right now. I guarantee you, later on, they are going to realize the very things they don't want now, are what they'll need. In the meantime, just focus on yourself, be it school, work, or personal priorities. Along the way, opportunities and people will appear, that you can make a decision on or about. This is easier said than done, but be patient. Individuals in the prime of their life, tend to take that life, and others, for granted. Most assume they will always be like they are, young and physically at their peak. Reality is going to have a harsh lesson to teach them, someday, just wait. Until then, as I said, take care of yourself -- because these clowns obviously have no desire to. Stay strong, love long.
