Feel like I have no right to give advice to people unlike me

If you feel you can offer support or give good advice then go for it, were all going through a similar journey.

 

ehh somehow i feel the same way, but they need support right? i like to think that every bit of advice and support helps a long way. it gives a sense of all the more reason to live on and know that there are people out there who care.

 

I try to help others but spmetimes you just cant if you do not understand.

 

Sometimes, all someone needs is support, not necessarily advice. I know when I was struggling with my sexuality, I didn't really need someone to tell me what I should do, but just someone to say, "I'm really sorry that you feel like that, and I'm here for you. I can't really offer advice, but I'm all ears." That alone made me feel better.

Even if you can't relate to someone's particular situation, I think it's safe to say that most of us have shared the same general feelings of uncertainty and fear. It's nice to know that someone else has gone through it, and came out of it alright, because often times we feel alone when we go through that tough time.

 

Advice needs to be taken carefully. Just because you offer someone advice doesn't mean they have to take it. They need to ultimately decide on what they will or will not do. I understand where you are coming from as I feel I'm not good at advice giving, but sometimes people need to hear things to make them see something more clearly. You never know when advice (weather good or bad) will actually benefit someone or lift them up.

 

People with different backgrounds and perspectives can offer different ideas when giving advice. Often times, counseling is much less about receiving an opinion from someone with past experience, than receiving an outside opinion in general. The worst thing that could happen in this situation is that the member will just go with another poster's advice, but at least you made an effort to help them. Not to mention, from what I recall, your posts tend to be very level-headed and thoughtful. I wouldn't worry so much.

 

If I feel I can offer advice or support than I will go for it but I would feel awkward offering advice on women health issues or dating issues that have to do with lesbians.

 

I feel the same way. I offer a lot of advice for gay men and trans people even though I'm not either. I know a hell of a lot about both 'cultures' even if I'm not part of them, and I don't see why people should say otherwise. You don't need to be in someone's position to have empathy or real advice.

If that were the case I couldn't offer advice to lesbians either, because despite being one I never had a real girlfriend and I never had to deal with fears of coming out or homophobic parents.

And sometimes even if we've been in that position...the advice can even be much worse because you'll be biased. You may not be able to give good or real advice since you're looking at your OWN experiences instead of objective views.

Sometimes I can't even help people in my position. I'm autistic, yet when I see autism posts I rarely have advice or know what to say because I haven't even researched my condition as much as LGBT circles in general. So in a way I can understand a gay man/trans person's 'shoes' more than an autistic person, even though I belong to the latter and not the former.

Just keep doing what you do, man <3

 

You can give advise to people who's situation you've never been in. Some people turn that fact into a career (therapists) it's our amazing ability of empathy that allows us to do this. Just understand your own limits in your mind and there's no reason you can't give advice/support to someone different than you.

 

I've learned from my gay hotline work that listening is more important than any advice I could give. Pretty much every time I respond to a caller and have basically let them talk, I usually get the response at the end of the call that they feel better. I am surprised at that comment since I don't think I did all that much.

The "active listening" that I formally learned as part of this volunteer work is powerful and has also helped me in my own personal relationships

In a forum like this, just showing interest in another's problem or point of view is, in itself, very effective. Advice can either be accepted or not, but just answering and acknowledging another person is 80% of what works.

There is no need to be an expert, if all you provide is a compassionate heart and a calming "voice", you will have done more than you know.

 

I tend to stay away from gay topics because of this

 

You shouldn't feel afraid to give advice. People who are looking for advice only from their groups are being too picky and will be let down because non-gay/trans/whatever can give great advice and gay/trans people can sometimes give shitty advice since they might experience different things.

 

That's true I never thought of it that way.

 

I understand, I see a lot of posts in the later in life section where people are dealing with coming out to spouses, divorce, children... I've not experienced any of that, so while I feel for them I never know what to say. I guess what some of you have said here, to just say "I feel for you" might help... that is good advice right there.

 

You and I are on the same page on this one. (as usual)

Though I occasionally try to wear a different pair of shoes when I can. I typically stay far away from the gender questioning threads as I have no frame of reference to offer advice. Same with Lesbian posts unless the circumstances are generic enough where I have something insightful to say.

Sometimes you might have something insightful to say and there are plenty of people that need advice.. But we don't always know what to say. I have trouble with the suicide ones too as I lost a friend in HS and later another from HS when he was in his 20s.. So while I try, sometimes it is difficult...

 

^Totally agree.

Active listening is so much more important than giving direct advice Mangotree. It's about picking up on what isn't being said, as much as what is, showing warmth, regard and empathy, reflecting back and offering perspective and trying to empower the OP to make his/her own choices and decisions. I honestly believe people are much stronger when they are thinking for themselves and finding their own way through life, so I try to limit the amount of advice I offer on here and more generally in life. We all possess the ability to actively listen and you can do it just as well using the written word.

I don't know about GreatWhale, but I find, more often that not, that when you give someone a 'good listening to' and they begin to discover their own answers, they mistakenly believe you have advised them. Not so!

 

^a nice post

Mangotree, I smile everytime I read your nickname. You are helping even when you don't plan to

 

You never know how something you may say will affect the person. Even if you don't have experience or knowledge about a particular topic, something you say could be meaningful to either to the person who started the thread or to someone responding. Words are powerful, and just knowing that someone else is listening and cares is even more powerful.