1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I Hate My Life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Polterpup, Jul 19, 2014.

  1. Polterpup

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2014
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tri cities, Tennessee
    Thanks for that, MUM. God damn it! I just don't understand why anyone would put a person through this kind of bullshit! I have enough to deal with in band and with my friends and all that good high school shit! If you'd like me to go into detail about all that (and I'm sure you don't but whatever) then here ya go! Besides the whole mum issue, band is giving me the most problems. Don't tell me I'm a leader and then act like I'm incompetent! I know what the hell I'm doing! Especially with my music! If it weren't for me then the flute section would crash and burn! I know I'm a sophomore, I GET IT! But I am one of the best damn players that there is in my band and I deserve to be treated with respect! I probably sound really into myself right now, but that's what happens when three years of anger towards my damn band director gets bottled up! As for the whole friends drama...it's more about a crush. Well, more than a crush. You know that grey area between liking someone and loving someone? I'm kinda in there. Like, if 1 was liking and 10 was loving...I'd be at about a 7. I don't really know how it happened...the feelings just developed so fast. I've known her for about four? Five years maybe. And then all of the sudden it's just like MAGICAL FEELINGS OF CARING AND ATTRACTION! But I am starting to think...that maybe I have liked her for quite a while...but tried to shove the feelings away...and they just grew until I couldn't ignore them. Anyhoo, to the point. She's apparently been aware of this. And apparently everything was confirmed for her when I said how amazing her hair looked. Something like it framed her face perfectly...and I'm off topic again. Right. Okay, so she is about to get out of and emotionally abusive relationship with this guy. She's apparently flattered but just wants to stay single for a while. I can't blame her. I'd want to be alone for quite some time after that. But my feelings for her are burning inside of me! I just want to be all of that mushy gooey fluffiness with her! My life! But lets get to the huge issue now. The crazy bitch that is my mum. What kind of mother tells her child that she wants to die? That life isn't worth living. And that I ruin all of her happiness. What kind of mother just assumes that it's everyone else's job to take me from place to place because she wants to HAVE A DRINK? What kind of mother makes her child want to cut herself just to feel SOMETHING. Because I am sure as hell not feeling love! I haven't cut in so long...but remembering how good it felt makes it hard...and I want to end my life...just take the blade deep enough into my wrists...or down a whole bottle of pills...the only person keeping me alive IS my crush. She says that I'm the only friend that wants to spend time with her...that the band (not so important) and she (really important) need me. And I'm not going to abandon her. Not when she says she NEEDS me. I know what it's like to need someone...why the fuck did I even write this? Oh, yeah, to get support and advice. So, if you actually stuck around for that...whatever the hell it is that I just wrote then please please PLEASE give me some support. I need some love right now...
     
  2. paris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That's tough and I'm sorry for what you've been going through. I don't know what to suggest other than maybe talking to someone about it, a friend or even a therapist, because bottling it up is the worst thing you can do, I think, so feel free to keep posting. There're many people here on the forum who care. (*hug*) And remember that what you are going through now is really hard but this is not how life will be forever. It'll get better, I'm sure of it. Stay strong, okay?!
    P.S. It's so cool you can play an instrument. :thumbsup:
     
  3. TJ

    TJ
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,833
    Likes Received:
    299
    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Definitely better let out than kept in! (*hug*)
    Oddly enough, I never had the best of relationships with my band director either and ended up quitting because of her. I played the trombone.
    Anyway! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Hang in there. Keep on rockin' the flute and supporting your crush and your band. :slight_smile:
    Keep us in the loop with what's going on and how you're feeling. Paris is right - there are so many people on EC that care, so don't leave us hanging.
    If you ever wanna talk, feel free to hit up my wall or PM.
     
  4. HTBO

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2014
    Messages:
    376
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's good to express how you feel. You are handling the crush very well. She knows how you feel and seems comfortable with that. Be there as a friend and let her come to you for more when she's ready:slight_smile:
    As for you mom, there's not much you can do. Sounds like she may be an alcoholic? Addicts, whether it's drugs or alcohol can't see beyond themselves or how the world affects them. They are in a miserable place and rather than look to themselves for the root of the problem they will attack the next closest thing, and unfortunately in your case, it's you. Have you thought about seeking out an al anon group (for families of alcoholics). You may find some support there to help you deal with your mom, or maybe go talk to guidance counselor at school? You shouldn't deal with this on your own. It's great you are here and we are happy to hear from you and support you, but it sounds like you are in a very bad situation, especially if you are thinking about cutting or suicide. Not only should you continue to talk to us, but reach out to someone in your life who can help you. Even if it's a friend's parent, find someone.