I don't even know where to start. I have been with my partner for almost 20 years. When we met I knew she was not a lesbian, but she said she loved me anyway. I said it was OK for her to have sexual relationships with man. So she has had one for the past almost 2 years with the same guy and she sees him every Friday and I stay home. This situation was becoming unbearable for me since she does not want to have sex with me anymore unless we have a threesome with him. That has hurt my self esteem tremendously and I was becoming very depressed. I explained her that I like having sex with women mainly and that I missed the intimacy of making love with her, but she said she couldn't because she felt guilty every time she would have sex with me. So I asked her if it was OK for me to have a female friend to have sex occasionally and she said it was OK as long as she was not aware of it. A few weeks ago, I met someone and we started writing on FB on a daily basis. She would made me feel so well about myself. She thought I was kind, loving, smart, funny. She made me feel very special. So I started to sneak out to see her. I was not attracted much to her looks, but what made her attractive to me was the way she made me feel. A few days ago, my partner discovered the affair and she became really angry and left the house. I am feeling so miserable and so guilty. I have asked her for forgiveness and told her to come back home, but she tells me I was the person she trusted most in the world and now she is unable to believe in anyone and that I had hurt her very very deeply. I don't know what to do. I have been with her for so long and I do love and care about her. The pain I'm feeling now I cannot even describe it and it is affecting me so much.
I'm sorry but, I think you need to get out of this relationship clearly it's not healthy for you ; Get out while you still have your sanity this will only get worse and next relationship you have don't do 3somes . Your partner is a hypocrite she puts you through this then gets mad when you sleep with another woman , this is the same woman is only sleeping with you when another man is involved , that's an insult to you as a partner and she clearly sounds in love with him saying she'll feel guilty for having sex with you alone her Girlfriend !!! are you kidding me Clearly she has no respect for you
I don't even understand why she was hurt since you had her permission to see someone else. Honestly, I find this behavior to be controlling and hypocritical since she did the same to you, even if you said it was alright.
yea you REALLY should, she clearly does not respect and value your relationship if she had a fwb on the side and she gets angry when you try and do the same excuse my langauge but thats BULLSHIT!!!
Great job giving her a taste of her medicine now she knows how it feels , when she's running off having sex with that guy ---------- Post added 20th Jul 2014 at 06:33 PM ---------- I'm with Peacemaker I call BULLSHIT TOO HUGE BULLSHIT :tantrum:
I agree with stocking. You shouldn't feel guilty for her behavior; she's in the wrong here, making you feel like crap and undesirable to her. But yet she gets mad if you do the same to her. It's selfish.
Hi Camila, that was so hypocritical of her. What, so it's ok for her to have sex with someone with you knowing about it, but not ok for you? Can you see the double standard here? And why should she be the one making all these rules anyway? Isn't a relationship about equality, about equal participation? Your partner is emotionally abusing you, in my opinion. And why you should feel guilty at all, I have no idea. You have simply done nothing wrong, from what I can see. Sad and difficult as it can be to make the move, I think you might need to leave your current partner. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, not with such disdain as she is treating you. Sorry I am being so direct, but I must say I'm really surprised that you cannot see it, how totally unfair it is, for her to make one rule for herself, and another for you. Not to mention the pain you are being caused by her not wanting to be intimate with you anymore. Time to 'go within' a bit and start taking care of yourself for a while. You deserve so much better than this! Damien. *hug*
This pretty much sums up what I was thinking. You shouldn't feel guilty she's doing the same exact thing to you. You should be in a relationship that makes you happy.
Hello, Camila. It's tough. I see the main problem here that you're a lesbian and she's not. You tried to solve it by having an open relationship but not everyone is capable of it because most people experience jealousy if their partner has a sexual relationship with someone else. How do you feel about her Friday's encounters? Do you think your partner feels jealous or threatened by the other women? I imagine it could be hard on her to know she can't give you sexually what you need and what the other woman can. What I don't understand here much though is why she'd feel guilty to have sex with you but not when having a threesome. Would she feel guilty because she'd fantasize about him while having sex with you? It's one of the things why I don't want to sleep with my bf as well. Thinking about women helps me to somewhat function sexually with him but the guilt is huge and I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry I have no advice for you.
Thank you everyone for your opinions and support. I do realize I am being emotionally abused and manipulated. I really would like to move on, but I just don't know how. I have been with her since I was 23 and pretty much she is all I know. I am afraid of taking the first step and scare of being alone and not been able to take it. All this situation is taking such a big toll on me and I don't want to have a nervous breakdown. I still do love her, but I realize I do have to love myself first and find the strength within me to move on. I will start looking for professional help and hopefully that will help me to sort all these emotions. Thanks to each and every one of you because I find a shed of light reading your words. I think this is one of the lowest points I have ever been in my life.
