So lately a bunch of my friends have been telling me I drink to much, this is probably true considering I'm underaged, but whenever I try to stop I really crave it. Like my hands get all shaky and I want to go back to cutting (although I've done well at avoiding that). I started drinking so that I would have the confidence to confess to the girl I liked, which went terribly, so then I drank to stop feeling terrible. I then drank so that I could *ahem* please my boyfriend, and now that he's in Russia I drink before I facetime him so that I act the way he wants me too. I also just drink a lot for no reason... I don't really know what I'm doing or how to stop and I sort of need help I guess.
I know how you feel. But drinking won't help you with your problem. Do you love your boyfriend ? Do you want to be with him ?
If you're not attracted to him and have nothing in common, I would suggest re-thinking if you really want to still be with him. From the information you've posted above, your boyfriend seems to be a problematic source of your drinking.You should think about whether your boyfriend or stopping your drinking problem is more important to you and try to choose between them. Hopefully my advice is useful. I don't really have much experience with alcohol xD
The physical symptoms you feel are withdrawal, and not good. You need to get help so that you can quit drinking and so that you can deal with the underlying issues. You are at a much greater risk for alcoholism because of your age and that's unfortunately not a good life. If you need to drink to act a certain way or do certain things with your boyfriend, then he's not the right person for you. It sounds like you are very unhappy right now, and I'm sorry you feel that way. It's time to try and take some control over your life before you completely succumb to the alcohol and it takes over your life, and it will. Maybe talk to someone at school if your parents are not an option? Are there any teachers you trust, or even parents of your friends?
I have an alcoholic father. Trust me, it will destroy not only you but everyone you love. It isn't worth it.