I worry too much

Getting down about others opinions of you is a form of abuse and you should fight that as you would any other kind of abuse. I think you are already part of the way there. It's one thing to like a certain style but the fact is you actually went out and styled yourself in the way that you like and that can only mean you value your own opinion about yourself more than the opinion others have of you. All you have to do is continue to build on that theme. Take the time to take joy in you, in who you are, and and in all these things that are pleasing you.

 

When people take time to pass negative comments about something we say/do, it unquestionably has an impact. It doesn't matter how strong you are, it will provoke a reaction within you. For some people it will be minor irritation and they will pass it off quickly with a fuck you attitude as they move on to their next conversation/task/issue, but for others (like you) it festers away and becomes an obsessive train of thought for hours on end.

Here's something to understand.. most people are so caught up in their own existence that they are really not that bothered about you. You need to repeat that to yourself constantly.

Their momentary focus on your appearance, or whatever, is fractional in terms of the number of things they will process through their minds in any given day. Even if they pass comment ten times, it equates to a miniscule amount of attention they are giving to you (even though it seems much more). It's a sad truth that most of us are self interested and quickly turn our attention to more personal stuff. So while you are left dwelling on their comments for hours, they are self absorbed with me, me, me issues and have totally forgotten about you. The thing you need to master is giving the same level of attention to their snide and snarky comments (in other words.. near zero). You have to stop giving a shit, cos they sure as hell will.. very quickly.

There is absolutely no way any of us can go through life pleasing other people. It doesn't matter how hard we try, we just can't do it. You can be the nicest person in America and someone will still find a reason to criticise and bitch at you... but that says far more about them, than it does about you. You can't control it and you shouldn't try.

To illustrate the point I just made, I remember a conversation a few years ago when a colleague said to me:

"I can't stand *****. She is such a sweet goody-goody, I want to throw up whenever I see her."

I could hardly believe it. It was utterly ridiculous that one of the most pleasant people I knew was being ripped into. You can't reason with that sort of mentality, I'm afraid.

Try to think about what I've said. I know it's not easy to alter a deeply embedded pattern of thought, but while you are worrying about them, they are worrying about themselves.

(*hug*)

 

You might be a really sensible person... strategies to cope with that, while retaining it, might be looked up on the internet...

What helps me are: time to get away from other people just to recharge my batteries, maybe taking a walk (remember to stay safe, don't know where you are), not too stressful lifestyle. Avoiding disturbing images on tv.

You might try to think about the situation as you would have liked it to be. The hurting feelings might decrease this way. Or thinking about something pleasant instead.

Often other people sense if they can get to us. Staying calm, stating ones viewpoint and maybe stating ones feelings might help. Your feelings are valid, and maybe voicing them when feeling hurt without lashing back might help (more in a private situation). Sometimes humour helps. A humorous answer can disarm in a moment...