I'm pretty sure my mother is the most clueless person in the universe. While my brother gets to take a trip to the beach with some of my cousins my mom thinks I'd prefer a "family reunion" in nowhere land with my step dads family (all but like 4 of which I have NEVER met.) Now I'm trying to have fun, but there are two things standing in my way Thing number 1: my mother has had absolutely no clue I've been depressed for over a month. She keeps asking questions like "why are you so quiet?" Or "what's with your attitude?" And it's not like she's being concerned that my personality seems different, no, she's literally mad at me for it. Wow mom like really Thing number 2 is that I've NEVER been social in large crowds and she suddenly just expects me to be. It's total bull crap My mom is so clueless, and she's not the only one. NOBODY notices how utterly depressed I've been. No one can see it. It's really lonely, it's really hard.
Hey Cass, I'm sorry you've been so depressed. I also have depression so I understand what it can be like. When I was your age and younger I had similar problems with my family. They'd often make things worse by yelling at me about my "attitude" or trying to harass me into being more engaged. It mystified me that they never "got" there was something wrong. And still I feel a little pang about that, so I understand where you are coming from. But, in retrospect, I did what I could to hide it from them, too. I didn't let them in and never talked about my worries or how awful I felt. I'd just hide in my room as much as possible. Have you tried telling them how you are feeling? I know that may not work with all parents, but if you think you can open the lines of communication with them so they understand something is going on with you and you're not intentionally being difficult it could help. Also, are you seeing anyone about your depression?
Talking to my mom isn't exactly easy. She always relates anything I'm upset about to some mistake I've made or something I've done. I'm not seeing anyone about my depression mostly because in order to do that I'd have to tell my mom something was bothering me
You're 21, is it the finances preventing you from seeking help? Otherwise go on your own, lie and say you're hanging out with people or something?
First, sending you a hug (*hug*) "I'm not seeing anyone about my depression mostly because in order to do that I'd have to tell my mom something was bothering me" You don't. You can get help without telling anyone. There might also be groups... All in all it sounds like you don't do what is good for you... for various reasons... Sometimes others, like friends, can relate better to us if we state who we are... what we like... Sometimes we clearly have to say what it is we want to do... without getting into arguments, we don't have to justify ourselves... without making reproaches, just stating what we like and how we feel... Sometimes we do our own thing without telling much... Which way you go is left to you... You can do this, others have done it, too, and the result is worth it... You might do things that you like to cheer you up (within reason of course), and think about what it is that you really like to do...
I honestly don't know how your mum hasn't drowned in her own cluelessness. Also, I have one hug to give. It is my gift to you.
It's too bad your mother isn't someone you can talk to, but I get it. My parents are aware I've been in therapy for some time but I still can't really talk to them about anything, and I'm an adult living separately from them now. We just don't seem to have that kind of relationship. Like the others said, you're old enough that you can see a therapist without your mother knowing about it. The therapist will keep everything confidential (including the fact that you are visiting them at all) unless they feel there's some kind of threat to your life or others (which does not sound like the case, anyway). If you have health insurance it may cover therapy sessions... what you can do is go to your regular doctor and ask them for a referral to a psychologist. They may be able to look into what insurance will cover for you when they make the referral, or you could look into it yourself. For me I'm fortunate I just have to pay a copay for each session, so it's much much less than it would be otherwise.
I've had to go trough depressions as well. Several times. And sometimes, just like you, I thought nobody cares, nobody cares about how bad I'm feeling. Can't they see I'm suffering? Are they ignoring me? But evertime someone asked me I said nothing or that I'm stressed. Anyway, remember that this depression will pass. It may not feel like it at all right now but it will pass in time. That's one thought that's kept me safe, I could have had the most terrible thoughts and feelings about myself but this very thought assured myself that this wouldn't last. Anotherone would be; don't think you're lonely. You may feel like it but think you have people around you. They may not be in the same room, they may not talk to you at the moment but they are there somewhere. That being said, you should tell one friend who you're really good friends with, how you feel, everything. Don't think it is a burden. When I was in your position someone told me that advice and I was like but nobody really cares, nobody understands. Which was partly true but if you find just one person that tells you I'm here for you, you can tell me everything (or something like that), that can be a relief.
I know a few people (one close friend and one VERY close family member and a neighbour) and I never realised they were depressed until they confided in me. As an "outsider" all I can say is that it can (sometimes) be near impossible to tell if someone is depressed. What you are feeling, although very real to you doesn't always show as much as you think it does (might not be your case but is with my friends). It's like when you feel your crush is SO obvious, or that everyone can tell you're lying because YOU KNOW and it's at the forefront of your every thought, but in reality if it was someone else, you often don't see your friends crush, or notice that someone is lying. And sometimes the change is more gradual than you realise, it just feels more because you're living it. Just saying cut your mom some slack - I've been there. Depression I know is a lonely place and hard to face; you should confide in someone you trust. Close friends and family will love you and support you no matter what. I agree it's not a burden, and as a confidee I know we appreciate being trusted and being give the chance to understand and help. And knowing means we are much more understanding of certain behaviours and can make excuses for you and back you up if you need it, so other people don't have a go at you for being apparently lazy/moody/etc. As for the crowds thing, actually I think she's being inconsiderate, you should bring it up with her. I know depression make it harder (and you might be shy or quiet on top of that?), but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and remind people who you are. ie "Well, I'm not really a big fan of being around lots of people, am I? Never have been...It doesn't really sound like my thing. Do you REALLY want me to go?" things like that, maybe? Not too confrontational, expressing your opinion without outright saying "I really don't want to do that".
Hugs! My former 21 year old self understands. As a Mom -Yes! We can be clueless. But as you get older sometimes we want you to come to us with what is wrong. Maybe she is giving you space as you are an adult. Tell your Mom you are depressed and need her support/help. I agree with the others you should talk to a therapist or MD. As a legal adult your medical records cannot be accessed by your parents.
