Since I was in middle school I have always questioned my sexuality. Although I have had boyfriends and sexual relations with men I have never truly loved, liked or enjoyed male companionship. I frequently had "crushes" on my female best friends but never acted on my feelings nor did I accept them. In the recent weeks, I have become more self aware. I'm going into my senior year of college and besides the one drunk make-out I have never been with a woman. Two weeks ago, while out for a friends birthday, I drunkenly made conversation with a lesbian at a bar and proceeded to kiss her. When I woke up the next day it was all I could think about. To this moment it is all I can think about. I feel guilty but also so comfortable. I have began a journal of writing "yes" or "no" each day before I go to sleep, indicating whether or not I think I am a lesbian. So far there has only been one day with a "no." I do not know what to do next. I am lost. I cannot tell my friends and am just hoping for graduation to come and to move somewhere new and start my life fresh. I need advice. I don't know where I am with my sexual orientation.
You just need time to figure it out, since you have never enjoyed sex or companionship with men, you might be a lesbian, would you consider kissing a girl, sober?
Considering you've often had crushes on your best friends and that you don't enjoy male companionship, I do think you're leaning towards being a lesbian but you are trying to deny it since being anything other than straight has more obstacles. You should try and accept yourself by dealing with these feelings and admit to yourself who you really are. There's nothing wrong with who you are
