I need help.

I don't know how to start this off, but I'm going to try anyways. I need help, pure and simple.

About two months ago I went camping with my sister, her boyfriend, and my best friend; who happens to be gay. We were camping at my grandpa's farm, he has a pond and that's where we set our tents up. We sat around the fire I had built until about midnight. My sister and her boyfriend went to sleep in their tent, and then my best friend and I went and sat in our tent. We kept talking, when I blurted out that I needed to find someone to experiment with. I was severely confused and tired of being confused. By that time he laid down on his back and watched the stars for awhile, I was sitting up because I wasn't tired yet.

I had a girlfriend at the time, but I didn't feel attracted to her physically. Mentally, we had so much in common it felt good to hold a conversation with her. Well, anyways, a few minutes passed when my best friend asked me how serious I was about the whole thing on a scale from 1-10. I had said an 8 because I was tired of being confused. He then said that if I wanted him to he would. At this point in the conversation I thought he meant he'd help me find someone to experiment with. He told me up relax and lay down. So I did, I didn't expect his hands to grab at my pajama pants.

By that time I was terrified. I don't really remember what I asked him, he told me to just calm down. I did and then he slid my pants and underwear off of my hips. He took me in his mouth and, well you can guess what was happening. He gave me my first real orgasm, it was incredible. Actually, incredible is too small of emotion I was feeling at the time.

I then saw that he was masturbating, before I knew what I was doing I had jumped onto him and sucked on him. He finished and then I sat back on my feet. I was very exhausted then, I laid next him and said I could believe we had done what we did. I then fell asleep next to him. The next day I felt like I was glowing, I was in a mood I hadn't been in in a LONG time.

The that night, we were in the same tent again, and we went for it again, for what felt like am hour, but was actually three hours.

Since then we've done it a few times, once at his house when everyone was at the movies, and then the next at my house on my sisters bed because she was staying at a friends for a couple nights and my room was too messy to navigate at night.

Now, after saying all of that, what my problem is I think I'm gay, and I think I'm falling for my best friend. He had gotten a boyfriend after the last time we did it and I wrote him a note telling him what I was feeling for him. Since then he hasn't been alone with me long enough to ask if he's read the note I'm scared that if I try to get him alone and ask him, he'll tell me he doesn't feel the same and will ask me to leave him alone, and that I've ruined the friendship. He hasn't acted like he'll say that, I just fear it will happen and I don't want that to happen. What do I do?

 

Thanks Robin for the encouragement!!!! You have no idea how much your response has helped me calm down, thank you so much