1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Anger and empathy problems

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Lawrence, Jul 30, 2014.

  1. Lawrence

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2,134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yesterday, I noticed something about myself, and I feel sick. I looked in the mirror and saw everything wrong with the world. That sounds more dramatic than I intended.

    I'm a bully. I take it out on people that I think 'deserve' it. I bully bullies and sometimes people that really piss me off. I convinced myself that this behaviour is justified. I go into mockery mode before I talk them down. Why not talk them down from the start? It would save time. In hindsight I think 'WTF was the point of that?'

    This angry feeling hurts unless I unleash it. Recently I'm getting a few seconds warning before it hits me. Sometimes I endure it and it ain't that bad if I think about happy things.

    I'm also scared about how my behaviour impacts others. Is this really the message I want to send to people? No wonder I used to get into fights.

    I think it's because nobody was there for me in the past. I feel terribly guilty if I don't do something. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't risk my life to save anyone. I really react for selfish reasons.

    I can't stand seeing people my age... acting like kids... and now I realise... damn, I'm acting like a kid as well! Call me crazy, but I think I make myself more angry.

    Also, if you mention animal abusers, child abusers, rapists, some politicians... you will see this behaviour of mine take a more disturbing form. I wish torment on such people because there may be no Hell. I think oblivion is too good for dirt. I feel sick to my stomach that people get away with hurting others real bad. This doesn't help the victims. Do you think this reaction is okay?

    I don't want to be such an angry person. Despite saying this... it seems difficult for me to overcome my rage. Is it even possible to see the worst people in the world as human? I'm not saying we should feel sorry for them. Rather we should kill them ASAP if we know they did it... since this prevents more harm in the world.

    Beating myself up isn't productive. Progress is productive. I want to reduce my anger. I'm hardly saying we all need to hold hands and dance around the planet in some bizarre world peace announcement. I know it's going against human nature, but I would love to be less hateful.

    tl;dr; I often have trouble controlling my anger and I find it difficult to empathise with most people I dislike. I'm scared to be 'nice' to nasty people because I don't want to be 'weak.' What should I do about it? Perhaps I need to change how I think about it.
     
  2. KyleCats

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2014
    Messages:
    460
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I can certainly relate to this. I like to say that my own species is the only animal I hate.

    It does wear you out though, doesn't it? I used to embrace it but then it started to scare me because I was thinking and saying and even doing things that... were really horrible, without an ounce of care. Scary.

    One thing I did was take it out on something physically - not anything living! I set up an angry place in the garage. A big cardboard box with a piece of plywood behind it. Then I went shopping at thrift stores, yard sales and flea markets for cheap dishes. I'd hurl them at the plywood as hard as I could. The sound of the glass shattering was comforting, most of it would fall into the box and then I had pretty little slices of glass to mosaic things with.

    It really helped to take the edge off and quell the rage for a while. If you decide to try it just be safe, some of the glass will fly everywhere. I wore safety glasses just incase.

    As far as if your anger is justified... I guess that depends on how you view the world. I would agree that yes, there are some who deserve the pain and torment they have inflicted on others (in my opinion, especially those that hurt other animals) but they get away with it or their punishment is mild. I think it's perfectly okay to be angry about that.

    The important thing to try and remember is that there are good things out there too. I find solace in nature and with non-human company. I do not watch the news. I do not debate with those I deem lesser. I don't even give them acknowledgment. It's not worth the rage I only infect myself with. Since I started doing that (and actually since finding my way here and discovering the truth about myself) I have been far less angry. I'm prone only to mild irritation now and it passes quickly.

    Instead of punishing the bully, help the victim. Volunteer if you can. Donate time, money or goods. Sponsor someone (I sponsor a baboon). You don't even have to interact much with other people to do those things and they help rather than hurt.

    Good luck. I was a prisoner to my rage for over ten years. You can break free.