Hi friends. Like I said in the title, my boyfriend starting talking about having a threesome with other guy I have no experience at all in this sort of activity and would like to have some advice on it from someone who had been in the same situation or even had taken part in a threesome. I have read many things and ideas about it, but I am not sure about anything. Thanks for your replies.
I will never take part in a threesome! If my boyfriend (if I had one) ask me to make a treesome I will stop calling him boyfriend! Just my opinion
It really depends on how open you are to this sort of thing. If the very thought of sharing your boyfriend with anyone is apalling to you, it might not be such good idea. If you are NOT opposed to the very idea, sit down with your boyfriend and figure out if you can both just enjoy it for the experience it is, not hurting you or him in any way, especially long term. Just be certain about what you want and what you don't want. I had threesomes before, and they were terrific. Loved it. But you need to be comfortable with the idea of it, and you can't have any insecurities about your own worth and the relationship with your boyfriend if you want to try anything like it. Make sure it won't hurt you. If you fear it will, don't do it at all. I would not blame him for having the thought though, not at all. He's being honest with you, sharing his very desires. That's a sign of trust.
I've had threesomes on a few occasions and found it to be positive. I've met plenty of people who say they would never try it but I've never met anyone who has tried it and found it to be bad, but I'm sure that has happened. There isn't any sense of cheating or jealousy because you are part of it. It probably feels positive for the same reason people get freaked out by the idea - the guest gets to witness the intimacy of your relationship. If those moments are intensely personal to you you may want to decline the invitation.
There's no one answer. A lot depends on how long you and your boyfriend have been together, what's going on that he wants to do this, and most importantly, how you feel about it. Joe Kort, a therapist who has worked with gay couples for some 25 years, recommends not opening up the sexual aspects of a relationship until the couple has been together and stable for 3 or more years, and not until very clear boundaries are established, and the issue is fully discussed and both parties are completely comfortable. The last part is particularly key. If this is something you are really interested in trying, that's one thing. But if you're being strongly encouraged by your boyfriend, that's quite another. Sex (well, good sex anyway) is characterized by a deep level of emotional intimacy and connection between the parties. Introducing a third person can "spice things up" but it can also really damage the relationship, create jealousy, introduce problems if one of the couple enjoys it but the other does not, or one of the couple feels a connection to the third person. And then you have the additional issue of safety. Personally, it is not something I'd ever see myself doing for a variety of reasons, though I know others who have done so and had no problems. But if you decide to do it, make sure you are doing it as much for you as for your boyfriend. Nothing's worse than to get dragged into something that is the most intimate experience you can have when you're not doing it for the right reasons, and "because my boyfriend wants it" is not the right reason.
Thanks for the replies. Anyway, there seems to be a generally positive opinion among people with previous experience here and in other forum.
I don't know about treesomes (leave those trees alone). But if a boyfriend just asked for a threesome then dumping him for that would be harsh. If you like the idea of a threesome then go for it. If not just tell him that you don't want to.
I agree, there is no one answer but I respectfully disagree with the idea that a three year probation period is helpful. I also don't agree that a partner bringing up the idea is automatic cause for suspicion. Here's what happened to us. We had just started dating and it was going great, even getting a bit serious. My bf told me that before we met he had asked a guy I knew out on a date and was turned down. I had a feeling that that guy was physically attracted to me so I suggested we have a threesome. It was a very positive experience. Through the eyes of a third party we gained a better understanding of how great we really were together. When a couple invites a third party in it doesn't make them an equal. They are a guest. It's a little like inviting a guest to a wedding. As a guest you are invited to witness the intimate bonding of the couple and give them your support. It would be ridiculous to suggest a three year waiting period before inviting others to witness your wedding.
