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Why can't lonely people find each other?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Budweiser, Aug 5, 2014.

  1. Budweiser

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    If there's so many lonely people out there why can't we find each other? Some are totally responsible, yeah, but a lot of us DO put in effort and it doesn't work. I don't want to play the victim, but, I have and I do put in effort, and people are either too 'busy' or 'tired' to hang out with me but then facebook says they have plenty of time for other people.

    So why can't lonely people just find each other?
     
  2. Night Rain

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    They do actually. It just doesn't happen often.
     
  3. Yosia

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    Im lonely, notice me senpai ;_;
     
  4. scub

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    probably because we're too busy being alone in isolation to find each other?
    for me that is the case.. been hurt so badly by a close friend that i've just about given up and mostly keep to myself now. i just have to make an effort to put myself out there..
     
  5. Yosia

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    That is like identical to my story.
     
  6. Budweiser

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    I'm normally fine I guess it's just getting to me lately. Does anybody else really feel like making an excuse to stay home when there is a chance to go out and get human contact? Why on earth does that happen?

    [YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaRNrDaoMqw[/YOUTUBE]

    btw how does the youtube thing work? I can't get it to post the actual video =/
     
  7. RAdam

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    In my case it happens because I'm not out and don't feel comfertable getting to close to all my straight ''friends''. So I pretend I have other things to do.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    I think it's quite a difficult question to answer as there are so many underlying reasons that can factor into loneliness and it's by no means certain that two lonely people would be compatible, even if they found each other. For example, some people experience loneliness because they are painfully shy and anxious, while others experience loneliness because they have a lousy or obnoxious attitude that turns people off (it's hardly likely these two people would 'rub' together, if they met).

    To deal with loneliness, you need to identify the cause/s (real and percieved) and work on overcoming them, if you can. I don't mean that in a harsh or critical way and I certainly don't underestimate the difficulty of facing some of the contributing factors, but it is important if you are going to break the chain.

    Very often feelings of loneliness contribute to depression and vice versa, so you can end up finding yourself in a bit of a rut as your emotional health and self esteem takes a knock, or series of knocks. It's really important to maintain a positive outlook, rather than getting sucked into self deflating thought patterns. I know that's not easy!

    There are lots of books and leaflets in circulation on this subject, with useful hints, tips and coping strategies. It might be worth having a read and trying to put some of the info into practice.
     
  9. Budweiser

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    That sounds it has more to do with weather they are really your friends than sexuality. I mean you're not gonna have sex with your friends, right?

    ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2014 at 08:35 AM ----------

    Well, everyone who's number I get and who I have known for a while are "busy" all the time, but not too busy for the people in their facebook pictures. And when someone does want to spend time with me, they move out of state (the moving out of state thing has happened several times, lousy luck or what?). So I don't know what else to do.
     
  10. Mysz

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    It's a difficult situation, isn't it? It's hard to tell who might be in the same situation as yourself just by looking at them or sharing a few moments of conversation.
     
  11. thekillingmoon

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    I often wonder that myself. For me the main reason is I'm pretty avoidant and don't engage into conversations with others unless they talk to me first. Maybe the people you're talking to are not truly lonely. Sometimes someone says they are, but they don't mean it literally.
     
  12. Pax

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    Copy and paste the bit in the web address that comes after the = sign. For the video you are trying to post the bit you need is:

    OaRNrDaoMqw

    Then either manually type Youtube tags around it, or highlight/select it and click the Youtube button in the edit bar. :slight_smile:


    [YOUTUBE]OaRNrDaoMqw[/YOUTUBE]

    ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2014 at 08:57 AM ----------

    On the matter of lonely people, I always wonder that myself. I guess we're too good at sitting around at home being lonely, instead of getting out there and meeting new people. Maybe we should all wear a badge or some secret thing that identifies us as lonely people, and then we'll be able to find each other... :wink:
     
  13. Budweiser

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    Thanks! Now I know how to do youtube videos.

    Thanks for the responses everybody, I guess lonely people just can't recognize each other. I just listen to the song and wonder why Elinor Rigby and Fr. McKensy never got to know each other even though they both worked in the church.

    Maybe for introverts it's harder because we don't like small talk or 'less than deep' friendships? generally speaking.
     
  14. BelleFromHell

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    ^^ These...

    I can honestly say that after being rejected by my best friend, I don't not believe in love anymore. I see no point in looking for something that isn't there. Even if love does exist, I doubt I'll find my "other half." I'm intersted in too many things. Plus, I'm manic-depressive, and I don't want to be seen as the crazy, bipolar lesbian who beats her wife simply because of my mental health.

    Most of the people I know treat sex like it's nothing, and I'm the exact opposite. I'd rather die without ever having sex than have sex with someone I don't love, and I don't think I'm capable of falling in love again.
     
  15. Damien

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    I hate to have to say this, but in my case, I am beginning to suspect two things are at play with my being alone: I'm not 'good looking' in the conventional sense (some folks have been into me despite this, in the past, though) and secondly, my age. I am beginning to feel like I'm looking down the barrel of a gun here. I'm seeing how much easier it was for me to connect with others when I was young. But when I was young I wasn't nearly as nice a person as I am now. I've grown so much since then! But now, no-one seems to want to know me. It's most sad and ironic. And I'm sorry I have no answer to your original question because I can barely even handle what I just described above atm.
     
  16. Budweiser

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    It's OK to feel how you feel, but feelings come and go just like friendships and relationships.
     
  17. Damien

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    If manic-depressive means one who alternates between elated states and depressed, mournful ones, then that's me as well. Oh how I know that world...Anyway I just wanted to say, time is on your side, both for healing the pain of the rejection you have been through, and for finding someone who you can truly relate to, and with whom you can share all the love that is in your heart. Hard as it might be for you to accept these words, I truly believe you will find the girl of your dreams one day. Take heart. :slight_smile:
     
    #17 Damien, Aug 5, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2014
  18. Budweiser

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    Now let me tell you, my mom is 76 years old. She makes new friends all the time from middle age up. She goes to group things and church stuff. Somehow she goes out and finds friends the way the rest of us wish we could do. So I don't believe your age has much to do with it. I think it's just hard like it is for anyone at any time in life!
     
  19. Z3ni

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    Maybe they're lonely because they don't go looking.