This has been bothering me for sometime now, and its to the point that its effecting my life in a bad way. This is a long one, i hope you can find time to read this and give me some advice.. I have met this woman almost a year ago. In the beginning, I really did not think much of it. She is just a co-worker, who liked to talk to me a lot. We used to talk non-stop on the phone from morning till evening. Even at work, we would just go about our job knowing we had each other on the other side of the phone. I would walk around the office with the headset plugged to my ear, listening to her, on what she is doing and vice versa. It would last until the evening to the point that we would fall asleep while on the phone. (crazy enough? Yeah!) It all started to get a bit serious when we went out of town together, just the two of us for the weekend. She didn't know that I am bisexual at that time. We shared the same hotel room with separate beds. During our stay, she was not really feeling well. The first night we slept on our separate beds, until the second night came. She looked at me and asked me to move to her bed and embrace her. I was surprised with the request because even if we already talk a lot on the phone, I still didn't consider us to be that close. Still, knowing she was not feeling well, I did as she requested. So we snuggled in bed the whole night. In the early morning, still embracing her, my naught mind kicked in and I tried to make my move. She was surprised with my action but she tried to go with it. Then suddenly she realized what was going on and rejected me. I stopped, and she realized my reaction. She apologized and told me she just could not do it, she cant see her self doing it. (Now that was an akward moment, which lasted for the whole day.) That night I tried to drown my humiliation with alcohol. She even joined me drinking. She acted cool abt it and we ended up drinking and laughing like how friends are. In the evening she asked me to sleep beside her again, but she made me promise to behave, and we slept back to back from each other. In the middle of the night, I suddenly felt her embrace me. I just let it be and stopped my self in doing anything until we fell back to sleep. In the early morning, that's when it happened. I kissed her neck and greeted her good morning. Surprised with my action, I immediately apologized, but instead of rejection, she pulled my hand and wrapped it around her, she told me that Im still drunk.. and everything went "down" from there.. Everything went well between us. We tried to hide our secret from everyone especially at work. In the beginning it was working, until I became too demanding on her. Even our other co-employees are already talking behind us, and making an issue that we are together. Still, I didn't care, I wanted to have more time with her, to the point we would argue most of the time and she already felt like I was too demanding and its like I'm choking her already. We were not in a relationship, and she never wanted us to be. The main factor is that she has a kid at home, and she kept on thinking what her kid will tell her if he ever knew what she is doing. Ever since then she always tells me that she is not that kind of woman, that is and always will be straight. For her I am just a friend nothing more. I got scared that I will loose her, so I told her Id rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. Which is true.. So we remained friends and still always see each other, but the phone conversation lessen to the point that we don't call each other that much anymore. A phone conversation would only last max of 30mins. The problem is I am still demanding on her. I would demand more time, I would also get jealous whenever she is getting close with anyone. It got so bad that she started to complain that is already having a hard time with me. I would in return tell her that I would just stay away so she wont get hurt anymore and wont be having a hard time... but every time I say it, she would get irritated and tell me that I'm immature. I tried to explain to her that how I feel towards her would never change, and I am just hiding it behind the friendship wall. So it is best that I would just leave and stay away from her.. still she would get irritated and I'm again immature. She keeps on telling me that I really don't like her that way, that it is just my nature that if i don't get something, I would push until I get it. In short my feeling for her its not true, and I am just helping her and pursuing her because I find it to be a challenge. Nothing more. I dont know anymore on what to do... I'm loosing my sanity on trying to say for me we are just friends when in fact I don't want us to be just friends, when in fact i really do love her. Trying to stay away from her is hard to do. Everytime I suggest it, it irritates her even more.I really dont get what she wants from me... Everytime I am with her, we usually argue.. its so hard for me to pretend I just want us to be friends.. and she told me she just wants us to be friend nothing more.. :bang:
