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Can't Stand it much anymore, need to unload

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by adrianislander, Aug 9, 2014.

  1. adrianislander

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    hey everyone i haven't posted in a while and right now i think probably the best thing for me is to go on a rant. prepare yourselves for a long one, sexual innuendos aside. i'm a fairly confident man. to most of my friends i am perceived as well rounded (this is just conjecture of course) and many of them assume that i'm happy where i am. this is true in many aspects of my life and i am blessed and eternally grateful for what i have. it's just that since i came out, not much has changed. i'm not expecting a great spectacle over my sexuality, i'm just not that kind of person, but what i do want is probably something out of reach. i long for that one thing that every person craves, that thing that makes us get up in the morning in the hopes that today, maybe today, it will happen. he will be there and smile at me and hope for the same thing that made me wake up. to say hi. to touch each other. to kiss... and everyday since i came out i have always yearned for this evasive thing, to find that one man who is going to sweep me off my feet (as cliche as that sounds) and whisk me away to my happy ever after. or to simply hold hands and talk about how crappy our day went. yeah that sounds more like me. i've gone out to bars and tried my hand at searching for that guy and yet i have fallen short. i've asked for friends for help and their successes are just as good as mine. and perhaps that may be due to their lack of trying but hey it's my problem not theirs. my friends have told me that i'm fairly good looking and my personality is alright so i pose this question. why am i so unlucky in love? maybe where i am it's just not possible for a gay man to find love. but in all honesty it might be lack of effort on my part. they say i should try harder but from my experience everyone here just seems to want sex. and i'm just not that kind of guy. i have yet to take those baby steps, the ones that define your inner most feelings. yes i've kissed but i have always discounted them because you know, they were egged on by society's version of normalcy. i want it so bad. i'm not afraid to admit that i've fallen into tears because of a gay romance movie or simply seeing a picture of a happy gay couple on the internet. and yet i go on. there is a glimmer of light within me and i hope some day for it to be held by someone i can trust. someone i can touch. i can kiss...a kiss. it's such a simple thing. so simple in fact it's beauty is in it's simplicity. and i have never had it. and envy those who have. i know one day it'll come. but today i'll take comfort that you will all hear my too long rant about such things and hope beyond measure that it will come soon. again apologies for my long post. just needed to unwind.
     
  2. Peacemaker

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    omg, i really understand this i cant even watch a gay movie or tv show with a happy couple it just makes me soooo jealous and feels with a deep yearning, i honestly miss being kissed too though it was beautiful and tender, now i just lay awake at night wishing i had someone in my life
     
  3. adrianislander

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    i know man! but the hardest part is the fact that i haven't actually kissed a guy! some of my more skeptic friends think that i'm actually just curious since i've never "done the deed" with another dude but i know my feelings. they just don't believe i'm actually gay. well you live ad you learn!
     
  4. Peacemaker

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    lol yup, while i kissed a guy the relationship really didnt work out and it left me really broken and left me wondering was it worth it
     
  5. adrianislander

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    hey i think those are some of the best experience you can have! i mean not in the sense that it hurt you, but that it made you a better person in the end and that you learned from your mistakes! it just give you a clearer image of what makes you happy in the future!
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    Hey Adrian, good to see you on here again.

    It's okay to rant - in fact, it's a damn good thing to do when things are getting to you. You are not the first to use the forum for that and you certainly won't be the last. More than once I've encouraged people to post their frustrations on here.. I've done the same myself on a different board.

    I notice from your profile that it's only recently that you came out, and that alone is an achievement. No longer a need to hide or cover your tracks in conversation - it's a big thing to do and it sometimes takes a while to simply adjust to the idea of being out. Don't underestimate how far you've come.

    I'm not going to tell you that it will happen one day as you acknowledged that point in your posting, but do give it time. You've every right to be impatient as time doesn't stand still, but I can only tell you that it didn't click for me straight away.

    I guess I now have what you are looking for - a long term relationship with another guy, living together etc... but it took me a few years and a few failed relationships to get to this point. Like you, I was impatient for it, but it happened eventually.

    You are a good looking guy, so I'm sure there is someone for you. Hang on to your values - it's not just about sex. If you hold out for a relationship even when sex might be available it says a lot about your character and the sort of boyfriend you will be.

    Bars and clubs are places where guys meet, but don't be afraid to broaden your horizons... and don't get too depressed too soon either. Easy words, I know, but I'm speaking with the benefit of a little experience.
     
  7. OGS

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    I think the main thing is just to be patient. I also am in a long term relationship--16 years together so far and it was definitely worth waiting for. I was out for 4 years before I found him and he was out for 8 before he found me. The thing I will say though, is you have to be out there enjoying yourself--those 4 years and my partner's 8 years weren't spent looking for each other they were spent having an awesome time. Seriously, we both look back on those years very fondly and not just because they brought us to each other. Have the sort of life someone else will want to be part of and I really do believe someone will come to join you in that life, when the time is right.
     
  8. adrianislander

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    thank you guys! really that helps to know that i'm not the only one experiencing this. and i'm not letting this personal thing get in the way of living my life...well of course i can't say for sure but i'm hoping that i'm not letting it affect me as much as i fear that it might. but again this was a big help!