I have been really sad the past couple days... I thought it was because I'm going to my summer camp for the last time this year, next year I'll be too old and I don't know if I'll be invited back next year as a C.I.L.T. (camper in leadership training) I really love it there, it's like my other home. But I don't know if that's all it is... I've been trying to figure it out, and all I can get is something about the future, last night I told my dad it was about camp and growing up/ not being a kid anymore, but as soon as I said it I knew that wasn't right. I have been having a lot of anxiety/ sadness about my adult life lately, but I figured that out, or I think I did. I know that at least part of it is about camp, but a (bigger?) part is something else, and I don't know what it is. I feel like it has something to do with the future, or endings, or doing things you love for the last time in general, or knowing that someday I will look back on my life and only be sad because I'll miss what I had and never be able to get it back. And maybe it isn't anything lie that. I just don't know, and I'm hurting. My rational brain just wants it to stop, because it's my last year and I won't be able to have fun if I'm like this, and it fells like I'm just hurting myself for no reason, but my irrational brain can hardly stop crying. I can't sleep, and all I want to do is sit here until I figure it out so I can make it go away, but I don't know how. Any advice is appreciated, sorry if I'm not making sense.:help:
I have been having those similar feeling latetly too. Though mine have came from the feeling of abandonment by my friends. What I can say is that your grieving over the loss of your "childhood" which is a big deal because it's all you have ever known. It's changing your identity and your scared. Like you said though it could be something else bigger driving these feelings. I am guessing sense your out growing the age of camp your also out growing highschool soon. Is this leaving you with any fears for the future or uncertainties ?When I was feeling slightly depressed what I did was focus my attention on something else. I know it's hard it's really hard at first but what you need to do is try not to think about it. If you just sit there and say "don't think about it" it will only get worse. So my suggestion is to find something to occupy your time with. Whether it be running or video games (running is better because your outside and the sun always makes people happy idk why I think it's a hormone thing). The point is it's not gong to get better if you continue to thinks about it all the time.
What Water lover said is good advice. I remember having awful depressive episodes around high school times for no reason; there's just this feeling of things changing and it's scary and sad and uncertain and there's no fixing it. But things will be ok; just focus on the stuff you love to do. You've still got your dad, you might get to go back to CILT next year, and you'll make new friends this year. School will make things feel more normal; develop a routine and stick to it, but also try new things and take (safe) risks. The feeling will pass.
Thanks, guys. I just feel like if I can figure it out, I can make it better. I don't know how, though. After I posted, I was feeling better for a while, but now it's getting later, and it's coming back. I have hardly been able too sleep the past few nights because of this. Water lover, you could be right about me grieving over the loss off childhood, though it almost feels like I'm upset about something that hasn't happened yet, and won't for years and years. That doesn't make sense, though. I channel this kind of thing into art, and this time I got a song. The chorus goes, "Out on the dust, everyone's special/ Out on the dust, everyone wins/ And it doesn't matte who you are or how you live/ 'Cause it's out differences that bring us closer together/ and make us a family/ The [camp's name] family (the dust) is how I refer to the camp in my head, it is hot and dry, and therefore very dusty, by the time I go home I'm completely covered in a fine layer of the stuff) Anyway, that's sort of how I feel about it, that's the kind of environment that it is by nature (even two years ago, when I was ostracized by my entire cabin because I was a year older than them and had already completed the 7th grade (they were all going into 6th) No really, they pretty much completely ignored me, and only talked to me if I talked to them first.) and when I play the song, it's really hard to not start crying during the chorus, and I wonder now if maybe this whole thing is about when I finish school and have to leave for good because I won't have summers free anymore. I have a good shot at becoming a C.I.L.T., better than most people because I've been going for 7 years now, went on the backpacking program they introduced two years ago, and apparently they remember me keeping a girl from having to go home my first year, which I don't remember myself. Also, my grandparents are friends with the owners. So I have a good shot at becoming a counselor too, when I turn 18. Leaving that kind of environment behind and going into the real world, where I could and probably will be criticized, misunderstood, and hated for who I am is scary. So maybe that's it. It makes sense. Anyway, you guys helped. So thanks.
