Hey so I know this isn't a strictly LGBT issue but I need some advice/tips with calming down. I have a seriously quick temper at times, and I have no idea how to control it. Recently, I've found myself to be extremely angry less often, and to have been better with coping, but I'm still not good. I often get violent, or think violent thoughts to the point where I scare myself I hate it but I don't know what to do. How do you guys stop yourself from getting angry/deal with anger? Thanks in advance.. :bang:
Heh... If you are feeling that shock that runs the length of your spine... Followed by utter rage... So, I have found the best thing I do is separate myself from the issue almost immediately. I did some BAC therapy a few years after my mom died. It helped a bit, but vs. the cost, not so sure. I wasn't paying for it at the time, my dad was. I try to count to 10 before I say anything... or climb through my car window... Or shoot at something (Jk, dark humor). Also, I got my brother a B.O.B. I use it from time to time. Additionally, I notice that when I stop going to the gym, my aggression skyrockets and I am much more... willing to pursue anything that makes me angry. Either verbally or physically.
Something that has helped me is to think about why I am having such a strong reaction to the issue. Thinking about why I am having the reaction helps keep my mind off of the anger a bit, and it gives me a chance to figure out what is going on in my head. I've also.found that with time this has helped me remain calm for longer periods of time. I also agree that exercise can help. I know that when I am angry, walking can help calm me down a lot. Really, anything that distracts me from my anger helps when I am angry
i agree about the exercise! i used to be a pretty angry person, almost violent at times. but joining a sports team gave me an outlet for my frustrations (i swear, a punching bag is god's way of saying 'get it all out my son!') i would certainly suggest doing something physical. that way you get rid of your anger as well as get a good work out in the process!
Important to remember that anger is a natural human emotion. In some situations a little bit of anger can be a positive thing - it can give you drive, determination or the will to do something important, so you don't want to eliminate it altogether. You just need to manage it and allow it to work for, rather than against you and others. Don't ignore the early warning signs. Be vigilant and act at the first stirring of anger - try to stop, think, count and breathe. Maybe try to learn a relaxation breathing technique. If the feelings of anger are intense and you have violent thoughts, walk away. Remove yourself from the situation, wherever possible. Get plenty of sleep. If you are constantly fighting tiredness, you may end up fighting others! Avoiding alcohol and drugs is important and eating well/regularly can also make a difference. I don't know about you, but I get grumpy when I'm hungry. Exercise. Take exercise - maybe invest in some boxing equipment? Reward yourself. If you have been able to confront a difficult situation or person with assertiveness rather than aggression, pat yourself on the back. Maybe treat yourself to something. If you struggle with assertiveness (maybe because your feelings turn too quickly to anger) consider some assertiveness training to help you out. Tell people when you feel angry and talk to someone about it (someone who will listen calmly and won't piss you off even more) and take ownership of your feelings. What this means is looking at the issues that provoke you to anger and work on resolving them. You might need some help and support with this if there is an ongoing issue from the past or present, but that's okay. Don't be afraid to ask for help to overcome this. Good luck!
I'd say there are several different pieces here, from what I'm hearing. One is the triggers to the anger, one is the anger itself, and the third is the impulse control. Anger is a normal human emotion, but rage is not. If the feelings are strong and tending toward violence, that's closer to rage. Rage is separate from anger because it is actually a numbing behavior of sorts; people who experience rage are actually disconnected from feeling and logic. So it might be useful to look at what is actually happening here. If it's rage, then likely something is triggering these strong reactions (other than whatever appears to be doing so.) Common triggers are feeling out of control, and feeling disrespected, not listened to, not appreciated. Other triggers are events/people/places that connect -- often not at a conscious level -- to an earlier situation where you felt unsafe, out of control, or some other scary or difficult situation. Very often, anger and rage are triggered by deep shame. (shame = deeply held belief that we are unworthy of love and belonging.) So as Brad suggested, paying attention to what the triggers are, and if you can figure it out, what the underlying triggers are can be a big help. This is also one of those places where cognitive-behavioral therapy can be really, really useful; it teaches strategies to help you recognize when you're getting the early indications of anger, and teaching practical techniques to get it under control. (This also helps with the impulse control piece.) Finally, there are a number of self-help anger management groups and you can find one in almost every area. Many therapists also run anger control groups. These can be excellent because they are safe places to share what you're feeling and gain deeper understanding.
