I Feel Very-VERY Ugly

why would you call yourself ugly?

 

Everyone has a beautiful/attractive quality about them.

But in reality, personality wins over appearance, I much rather date someone who has great personality than great looks.

 

I understand your feelings. Every time I look in the mirror, even when I was at my best, I still never knew exactly how ugly I would seem to myself. Probably have this complex because I spent so much time staring in the mirror wishing I was brave enough to be what I am instead of what I see.

 

Hey, that's not cool. I'm sorry you feel that way.

Is there something that bothers you that you'd like to talk about it?

I have seem some stunningly attractive people with body image issues, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're really undervaluing yourself in a similar way.

Bodies are bodies, and the older and wiser people get, the more they find that they want a person with a strong and beautiful mind. I mean, do you want to be with girls, or women?

 

Dude…you're not ugly

 

I did this thing recently where I looked myself in the mirror, observed all of my features very carefully, met my gaze and said "I love you" and began complimenting my good features. It sort of worked, and I do it most nights. Now I see myself as more attractive. That's what I recomend for people who think they're ugly. It sounds a bit silly, but its pretty affective.

 

I'd feel silly doing it but that is actually excellent advice. I know I am making it worse by my thought patterns and a lot of people probably do the same.

 

If that's you in the picture, you aren't ugly...Like at all. Even with those filters covering up your lovely face!

 

I give advices!!

1) Go do something physically active, like run, yoga, or lift weights.
2) Shower & dress in something nice
3) Admire awesomeness
4) Repeat from 1.

I do this whenever I feel fat.

Also, as I stated in another thread, I think you have very attractive features

 

Just be patient with it ok? Like for instance, when I started working out with my brother, it took a minimum of 3 months going 3x a week to start seeing really defined muscle shape, but hey if you feel a bit sore you are on the right track!! I really recommend yoga classes as opposed to lifting weights at first though. They are typically group oriented and everyone pays attention to what they are doing so you are free to struggle without having a "perceived" audience.

 

If that's your picture then the last thing I would call you is ugly

 

You need to have faith and be patient, Eventually you will meet someone who makes you feel like your the most beautiful person in their entire world.

 

It's tough to sort of describe the process I went through, but I'll try.

First off - about me. I've always been somewhat overweight, and I've never been that attractive. That is, if you asked a bunch of people to draw or describe somebody attractive, I don't think anybody would draw or describe me. And so, back in my early teens, I felt ugly.

Here's the first thing I realized. There's a difference between "not being extremely attractive" and "being ugly". Just like "not being the tallest guy in school" doesn't make you "tiny", or "not being the class valedictorian" doesn't make you "stupid". I took stock of all the attractive people in my school. And I mean REALLY attractive, as in "everybody would probably list them in their 'attractive students' list". And I realized that was maybe 1% of everybody in the school. That put the rest of us in that huge 99% category of "not exceptionally attractive". Yeah, I'm sure it'd be great to be in that 1%. Just like it'd be great to be the smartest or tallest or most athletic or whatever-est. But it's not that bad just being in the "other 99%".

Secondly, I thought about my friends. I maybe had one in that 1%. The rest were in the 99% group with me. And I realized I never thought about their looks all that much. Davey was even heavier than me, and Eli had that weird thing going with his hair, and Sarah looked kind of mousey with her small head and large glasses, etc etc. But I honestly never really noticed this stuff until I actively sat down to mull it over. I had met these people, gotten to know them, and befriended them despite their weight and hair and glasses and whatever else. And they had done the same thing to me. So apparently, looks aren't much of an impediment towards making friends.

Third thing. I started looking at couples. Not just at school, but while out and about - out shopping or whatever. And I noticed that the vast majority of people in relationships weren't in that 1%. People in that 99% group were getting into relationships. And not "against all odds", but regularly. For each of these couples, these two people met, became attracted (either immediately or over time), and got into a relationship. Despite not being extremely attractive.

I won't pretend that it's not easier to get into a relationship when you're in that 1% - it probably is. But it's not a prerequisite. You're just as likely as anybody else to meet women and go on dates and get laid and get into a relationship.

Those steps helped a lot towards getting me away from thinking of myself as ugly. But there's one other step that you might need to take - love yourself. It's a common glib statement, but it's honestly the best step that you (and anybody) can take.

Befriend yourself. Enjoy your strengths, and accept your weaknesses. Find the stuff you like, and give yourself permission to like it. If you like drawing or fantasy books or ice skating or cup stacking, awesome - go on with your bad self. Draw until your hand cramps up. Read every book you can get your mitts on. Go to the skating rink every chance you get. Go for the world record in cup stacking. Do it, like it, and like liking it. No, not everybody will share your hobbies and interests, but so what? Would you and your friends skip going to see a movie or concert you wanted to see, just because other people weren't interested in seeing them? So don't let other people pick your fun. Find your joy, and go enjoy it. It's amazing how much that helps.

Lex