I am heading down that road of "oh my gawd, I wanna kill myself" and I REALLY do not want to end up there again. I almost did last night, but...ya know...I couldn't bring myself to do it. And I wanted to cut so badly when I got home from school today...I ate and watch Gravity Falls and Randy Cunningham instead...which helped get my mind off of problems. And the urge to cut isn't as bad now. It's still there. Just not a noticeable...Anyhoo, my problems. Well, to start off, my band teacher is a total BITCH. Do NOT hold us over for practice when there are parents WAITING in the HOT car! And do NOT yell at the drum major because the woodwinds won't hurry their asses! Yes, we are fucking lazy as hell, but don't BLAME someone who has repeatedly told us that we need to hurry durring practice! She was begging us, yes, BEGGING us to be faster at the next practice. I saw her pushed to the point of TEARS! I had to keep mine back at the sight of her in such a shape...I had no clue the teacher was yelling at her for it...mentally, I fucking lost it after that. I had all these mixtures of emotions that were being hidden with pure numbness...my body and mind were both in pain at that point. Ontop of the BS that my mum gives me because I'm never good enough for her, I have to deal with my band teacher being a bitch and the person I love the most go through emotional turmoil because of her (which the whole "being in love with your best friend" thing is a problem too)...of course, I get yelled at too for other people's mistake. Like the chick next to me moves after we come to a hault and I get bitched at because I'M not equal distance. Oh, and I'm failing a class. I didn't do summer reading because I didn't know I even had that class and I am trying desperately to catch up...ya know, being a sophomore sucks ass. Anyhoo, what the hell do I do, you guys? I can't handle this shit on my own...I need support...I feel like I'm not going to be able to handle anything anymore...like I'm just going to have to cut myself off from everything, and that makes me hate my life more...but I just don't know how to handle it all...
Take a deep breath, huni... <3 ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 03:12 PM ---------- If your band teacher is bothering you that extremely than maybe you should quit band for now?? <3 ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2014 at 03:13 PM ---------- Please don't do anything rash, people here care for you
(*hug*) Has school just recently started? If so, you have time to catch up in your class. And dropping that class or band could be an option as well. I know it can be really hard to deal with parents who act as if you're never good enough. Just remember, it's your life, not theirs. You really can never please people like that- so just try to be a person YOU want to be. Maybe you could try keeping a journal. Writing down all your thoughts and feelings is a good way to get them out and give you something tangible to look at and examine so you can better understand your own thoughts and feelings. Best of luck to you
