I know there are so many supportive people on here, and so many have sent messes, but I still feel like I'm alone. There are few out there who know what it's like to be transgender. But everyone who said they loved me tries to tell me I'm not, or that it's a sin. I want to be myself, but I'll lose my family if I do. I feel like I have nowhere too turn, and no matter what I do, it will be wrong. Whether I hurt others by going through with it, or hurt myself by not. I just... I don't know how to cope. ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2014 at 02:17 PM ---------- And more and more people are turning from me. I don't know if I can go on.
Sometimes all you can do is fight. Even if that means fighting and losing the ones you love. I agree, having supportive people in a support group vs. having someone by your side are two different things. They might love you, but loving someone and loving someone for who they are are two different things. IE, a mother may always love her son, but not the fact her son is a serial killer... I have a feeling that's how many religious types feel about their own trans/gay kids. Cope by fighting onward. Viva la resistance!
I second everything the gent above me says. Also you need to carry on fighting for acceptance because WE need you to. We cant have strong people like you giving up! The one thing we will always have over our rivals is that we are fighting for the ability to love whereas they are fighting to stop that love! Keep on fighting for acceptance and the harder the fight is the sweeter it shall be when you are finally accepted. Just. Don't. Give. UP! Here have some hugs! (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) And a Banana (!)
Thanks yall, but I just don't know if I have any fight left. I've thought about going back in the closet and faking repentance. It just seems easier, and it will only hurt me instead of everyone else.
No, that's a terrible idea. You can never "unout" yourself... It might seem like a good idea, but it'll always be at the back of everyones' minds (including yours). You're not doing anyone any favours that way. Just persevere. It takes a long time... and I mean a LONG time before people start accepting you for who you are. And this might sound cliched and presumptious, but it does get easier, trust me. As the previous posters have mentioned, you need to be brave and fight on.
Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreaming, I can hear them say Carry on my wayward son, There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, Well, it surely means that I don't know On a stormy sea of moving emotion Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean I set a course for winds of fortune, But I hear the voices say Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more no! Carry on, You will always remember Carry on, Nothing equals the splendor Now your life's no longer empty Surely heaven waits for you Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry, Don't you cry no more, No more!
Given what I've read about your situation, and I know it is contrary to what others have said, but I think you know better than anyone else what you'd need to do to cope with the situation with your parents. If keeping yourself safe in your environment for now requires you to play a part, then do so. But do so with the intention on leaving and give yourself a light at the end of a tunnel. You need to find a way to become self sufficient and if you parents lay off and let you do what you need to do to get yourself out of that environment for good. But in your mind while playing the part remind yourself that you are doing this for your long term future. While it is easy to say you should stand up and tell them to "f off", it won't help you get to a better place. Be selfish, and this is one of those occasions where being dishonest it probably your best course of action... At least for the time being... Be brave... At some point, you'll be able to look back and say it was worth it. But for now, the real work starts... So get to it.. <hugs>
Just remember that you can't please everyone. Please only those that make you happy and will champion for whomever you want to be in this world and have all of your interests at heart. I bet that there is a light at the end of this metaphorical tunnel for you. But don't give up just yet, okay?
I know exactly how you feel Artist92 :-( i am pretty-much surrounded by amazing friends ive met online over the last 18 months of my life, very supportive ones and very understanding ones, but in my actual life ive never felt so alone.....its a loneliness im not even sure would go if i did have more people in my actual life i could lean on. And yeah i know its not the same thing, but the amount of family and friends that told me i just havent found the right man yet (when i came out) nearly dove me mad:bang: its so patronising......... you end up thinking god ive not only got to find away of accepting myself but ive now got the guilt trip to deal with too. Sometimes i feel like if the world could open up and swallow me whole lol that may just be the answer to everything.... but then theyve won, and youve given up on your life and the life you were destined to live-just to please ignorant people, and you just cant do that:eusa_naug