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How do I come out and move forward?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Formality, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. Formality

    Regular Member

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    I can be brave and stand up for others but for some reason I can't be brave for myself. I've been struggling, wanting to come out to the rest of my family (2 older brothers and my dad). I told my mom in november last year on the phone and she was all supportive, but ever since whenever I try to talk to her about anything concerning my life, she just kinda doesn't seem to care. Which makes things so, so, so hard for me because I thought she'd care. Both brothers, though they can be nice, are mostly stupid. They seriously can't go an hour without talking about immigration and race/rasism related subjects. All they seem to care about is sleeping, being chauvinistic/"homophobic"/racist. It's so tiring because I want to tell them so I can finally be free, but they are so "unopen" about things. I don't know anyone that has such terrible unambitious brothers. I'm so sick of it, I'm tired of this place, these people and this life. I CAN'T BE HAPPY! I get these spurs of motivation at times that soon turn to depression. I haven't been this depressed since lats fall. How do I tell them? How do I move on and meet new people? How do I find motivation to live again?:icon_sad:
     
  2. Najlen

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    You could tell your brothers that you don't appreciate them saying things like that without mentioning your orientation yet, though I'm not sure how that would work out. If you really want to just tell them and feel like you are in a good spot to do so, you could come out by e-mail or letter, that way you can manage to send it off before you second guess yourself. Coming out is scary, even in the best of situations.

    It can be hard to meet new people when you're depressed. A therapist could help with the depression, though if you decide to start going to one, you should make sure they are LGBTQ friendly. They might also be able to help you with the situation in your family and give you tips for putting yourself out there. Hope this helped.
     
  3. Formality

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    I do say I dislike the way they use the word gay, but they don't care. I have talked to them about homosexuality. One of my brothers, the one I'm better friends with, told me he tolerates them but he still (even though he doesn't say it) think of them as lesser. The same brother is also very scared of wearing pink. We have these pink shopping bags, and whenever we shop he never wants to carry them cus he "doesn't like pink". I think a lot of they're disgust for people who deviate from the norm stem in their own insecurities. I said that to him, but he denied "my theory". And laughed it off with my other brother. I mean I know I'm right with what I'm saying, and I'm not afraid of talking about inequalities etc. but for some reason I can't find the courage to come out. I think that somehow the way I've changed as a person the last years has somehow given them a "hunch", but I guess they just couldn't, or should I say, doesn't want to imagine that i am indeed homosexual. One of them kinda said just that, that if I were gay he wouldn't tolerate it. At least that's what I think he said (he was kinda mumbling) during a heated argument over inequalities in society.

    Ugh, I know I'm ready to stand up for myself. Maybe the problem is I'm afraid things will change between us :'(

    About the depression, I'm not at the brink of suicide I just feel very unhappy with where "I am". It would be nice to talk to someone about things but a therapist seems a little too much. An accepting IRL friend would be kice though. Or a mother that gave a few more shits about my life.