Pray the Gay Away?

Well, I suppose it depends.

Some people can go through life very comfortably without ever telling anyone about their sexuality.

There was a guy who didn't tell anyone until he was past 96!

On the question of your actual sexuality, I would have to say, trust your instincts, not your head.

The brain is wonderful at confusing us, especially when it comes to, well, attraction and such.

Trust your heart, think long and hard, but don't ignore your instincts!

 

I'm very sorry you feel so sad and hurt.

Unfortunately, I have a dose of hard truth.

No, it's not possible to turn yourself straight. There is no evidence that living in shame or subjecting yourself to "reparative therapy" (which is really fraudulent and unethical by the way) will make you straight. In fact, no less an authority than the American Psychiatric Association came forward and stated in no uncertain terms that "reparative therapy" is harmful and medically bankrupt. They did so back in 1997, and possibly even earlier.

Instead, you should look for supportive friends and adults in your community. Many people are feeling safer to be who they are than in the 1990s. Now it's a better time to be a kid than it was for me, and it's only been seven years! (*hug*)

There are many young adults on the forum, and we've all come across the other side as strong people who love ourselves and those around us. Our same-sex attractions are just another expression of love that all humans share, and it's a source of strength, not weakness for us.

With love, Adrienne

 

I am twice your age and I spent at least twenty years trying to be someone that I was not and could not ever be.

Don't waste your life that way.

 

You remind me of myself as a teenager, minus the gender identity thing , acceptance is a hard road to get over it has taken me many years . Praying the gay away does not work and I've done my fair share of doing that , hoping my attraction to women would go away ; Plus the people I was at that church today with said that instead of accepting gays I should pray away their gay . Self acceptance for me has been a beautiful thing I'm a lot happier than i was as a teen even though I'm still living in hell .

 

Hello,

it's sad to hear you are having feelings of self-harm over this. Is your counsellor the type who will support you in accepting your sexuality, or not? I think that is important. And do get onto the self-harm issue, that needs to be dealt with, don't let it progress.

I can understand the feeling of frustration, and of maybe just wishing you could just be straight, but there is another way to deal with this, and of course it is to fully and deeply accept your sexual orientation as it is, instead. I struggled for quite a while with it myself, I mean I'm 45 now and only fully accepted it in the last month or two, but society has changed much since I was your age, and I think you will find that many folks are actually more accepting nowadays. My eldest daughter told me, that at her school, if someone makes an overtly homophobic comment, that in general they will be criticized for it by whoever happens to be standing around at the time. That it is beginning to be regarded as 'uncool' to be a homophobe! That is so different to how it was, when I was her age (she is 15). So take heart, society is changing, there is still a long way to go but things are improving for lgbt folks.

Other issue: well however you are, you are only that way cos god made you that way, right? - in his / her image, remember?...so I suggest accepting that not only is your sexuality ok, it's actually a gift from god. Just as there is incredible diversity in Nature, so too is there diversity in the realm of human sexuality, and it all comes from the same place, does it not? - and although I'm not a christian as such, I do have a spiritual path, and I do really mean what I'm saying here.

 

It's been a minute since I've been 14. That would've been 8th grade for me. I'd been working for the church for a year. Had 2 close friends that knew I was not straight(before I knew it surprisingly). I really didn't have a grasp on the concept of coming out or why it was such a big deal. When I finally told someone at the church I got "The Speech", about how because I didn't really like girls I was going to hell.

Looking back, the best advice I can give you (or that I wish someone had given me) is to relax and not stress over it. I know it may seem like this huge deal for you to know everything about yourself, but really it's not. Like who you like, enjoy your time with the people your with and let everything else slide. By putting all this energy into these two questions all you do is stress yourself out and spend a lot of time depressed(at least I did).

As far as the stress of "coming out". It's really no-one's business but your own. Even then, I still don't know what I am. I know I like guys, but every now and then will have feelings for a girl. Not sure if it's bi or gay and I really don't care at this point. Love who you want to love and don't let anyone else stop you.

Oh and just to give you a jump to now and finish the story I started: I'm no longer working for the church. I'm comfortable with my religious beliefs and I believe that the stress I went through in Jr/Sr high was worth it. When I went to college I was out to almost everyone and just recently came out to my Mom. It does get better, it just takes some time to get there.

 

The currently success rate of "praying the gay away" stands at 0%. I suppose you might be the first to successfully pull it off, but obviously the odds are really heavily against you. Your options are to cause yourself a ton of stress (yes - more than you have now) by playing straight when you're not, or to try to come to grips with your sexuality.

As said above, your sexuality is a datum. Just one aspect of you. And whatever your sexuality - it's handle-able. You might not have found the way to handle it just yet, but that doesn't mean that way doesn't exist.

Lex

 

Look at my avatar that's my answer

You need to be proud and embrace it!!!

 

Even if you did go back into the closet and try to "pray the gay away", you will still have those nagging feelings. There really is no way to ever forget about them. I speak from personal experience, since I tried to do this exact thing. The fact is that there is no way to "become" straight if you are not. The only thing that you can do is hide it, and that over time will put more and more pressure on you.

So, I think that you are looking at the wrong solution to your problem. Over time, you will just have to keep lying to yourself, and keep a facade up. That will take a lot of time and energy. On the other hand, taking the time to accept your identity will take a lot of time and energy, but once it is done, it is not something that you constantly have to think about anymore. It just becomes a very small part of who you are.

 

I used to pray almost every night apologising god for doing gay things which are disgusting and begging for him not to let me be gay...
Shows hoe much I was in denial lol

 

I used to pray for God to *ahm* 'Pray the gay away.' I realized it doesn't work (at least for me) and I'm now an Atheist, either way, don't resort to self harm. I've tried suicide 2 times, and tried to cut myself once already and it's not worth it. *Since you're a Catholic*: God loves you and always will. I found a video explaining the passages in Leviticus about homosexuality and exposing their true meaning. I'll get some text on it.
"Context, context, context.

1. Traditional scholars said it was given from the Lord to Moses, but most scholars now say that, in it's final written form at least, it is from the pen of Ezra and the priests who were writing c. 400 B.C. It's possible both sides could be correct about that.

2. Notice carefully 18:3; 18:30; and 20:26. The object is to *separate* the Hebrew people from the customs of the Egyptians and Canaanites. This law is not written for Gentiles or modern Christians; it is written for ancient Jews.

Okay, now for the context.

Two special Hebrew words are used in this passage.

"Toveah" (abomination) usually refers to idolatrous practices that were forbidden.

"Zakar" (male) usually refers to men in a religious or priestly sense.

What is probably being referred to is the custom of ritual same-sex temple prostitution with male pagan priests in the worship of Baal and the gods of Canaan.

Hence, what is being prohibited here is not a loving same-sex union, but idolatrous pagan temple prostitution.

The Canaanite religions had everything to do about sex, so you will notice that all connection with anything sexual made an Israelite ritually "unclean". If a woman had her period, if a woman was pregnant or had just given birth, or if a man ejaculated semen, they were all "unclean" for a period of time.

Why? So that the worship of the Lord would be entirely separate and distinct from the worship of Canaanite gods!

Since they worshiped their gods with orgies, sacrifice of newborn children, and temple prostitution, anything sexual made a Jew "unclean" -- so that the worship of God could *never* be confused with the worship of the false gods of Canaan. I hope that makes sense. It was a "hedge" or a "wall" between the two religions to keep the Israelites separate and distinct.

3. Well, maybe God did tell him these things. Galatians 3:17 -- 4:7 indicates to Christians that Judaism was part of God's plan to *discipline* a people for himself, and to raise up a nation that would give birth to the Messiah.

4. As for Christians, read Galatians 3:28. Notice the third pairing does not use "nor" but rather "and". Neither Jew nor Greek. Neither slave nor free. Nor -- "male *and* female".

The reason it changes to "and" in the third pairing is because Paul is quoting from Genesis 1:27, "God made them male and female".

In other words, gender distinction is part of the old creation. But Christians are a new creation in Christ Jesus, and the old order of "male and female" has nothing to do with our salvation. Genesis 1:27 has been overturned and swept aside by the resurrection of Christ, along with all the Mosaic law.

For us, Christ has simply said, "Love one another as I have loved you" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Love is the fulfillment of God's law, and whoever loves is pleasing to God (Romans 13:8-10).

Hope this helps. "

Stay happy, OP, we're always with you!

 

I talk to god everyday, and I always finish with "God am I unnatural because say the word and I will pretend to be someone I'm not, and pretend to be streight." And everyday he tells me he loves me for who I am and that he never wants me to be with someone who I dont love.

 

RadioactiveBi, I am also an atheist, however religion is obviously very important to Robins Jacket, so instead of trying to make her give up religion, give her support that works with it.
Robins Jacket, if you believe in god, then he made you the way you are for a reason. There is nothing unnatural about homosexuality, it even occurs in thousands of species, and the bible barely mentions it, and Jesus not at all. You should not let others' view of the bible affect your happiness or your acceptance of who you are.

 

I can't comment on the religious aspect of this, but I will say that if you are not being who you are... you are being a deceiver. You don't want to deceive people do you? Lying to others and living with those lies is a tough life, one with a lot of burden.

You can't change who you are.

So I will leave you with this:

1) You try to change who you are, you waste your childhood and your life being something your not, so that at the end you can explain to your god that you lived your life as a lie and feel regret and emptiness (to a varying degree).

2) You accept who you are and what you like. You do your best to live the hard life chosen for you. Now you can explain to your god that you did the best to live your life as honest as you could and even though others would not always love you for who you are, you did your best to love others for who they were.

Your choice. Good luck!

 

Hope this helps.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. The reputable medical associations haven't found any evidence that it's possible to change your sexual orientation and I don't think God wants you to either since I believe God knew you'd be gay and is cool with that.

The problem isn't being gay, it's having been taught and hearing from others that being gay is bad, but they are wrong. All sexual orientations are equally good and worthy. You're still young so give it some time, keep busy with school and other activities and talk to your school counselor or trusted teacher or other adult. Contact thetrevorproject.org or other help line or even the moderators here would help any way they can. Please ask for whatever help you need to love yourself just the way you are (*hug*)

 

Being a former Southern Baptist, I can kind of relate with how you are feeling now. When I was 13 and 14, I prayed for somebody to turn me straight. As you can probably tell, it didn't work. So, since we basically know that gay reparative therapy and praying the gay away is quackery, we can see two distinct options from here on out for you. One, you could try living as a straight person, with maybe some level of happiness, but the odds aren't in your favor their either. On the other hand, you can try to come to grips with your sexuality. It may be difficult, but it can definitely be done.

Since I'm an atheist now my views on religious text have changed considerably, but there are many, many theologians who believe that being gay is 100% okay, and that your God or God's would still love you.

 

If anyone actually succeeds in 'praying the gay away' could they please send their gayness to me, I will happily take it off their hands free of charge I will reimburse cost of postage, etc