I don't think I'll ever be an actor the way I'm going. I speak so monotone and I'm afraid to let people see me happy, but I'll laugh in front of people at school. I never smile, and the only time I do is when I'm dancing (which I can't do all the time.) Most of the time I don't care what people think of me, unless it's about my sezxality (call me a faggot or a fudge packer whatever, but I HATE and DESPISE words like Poof and Fairy, the latter I have once been called.They make me very insecure about EVERYTHING I do.) I wish I had that level of social finesse that people have. But it just seems impossible. When there's an akward silence I know it should be broken but I don't know what to say, I also don't know how to start a conversation, I leave it up to the other person to start it and then I talk. I really want to get pst this. I want to retain myself, but I also want to be interesting. How should I go about doing this?
You're plenty interesting as you are. Everything about you is unique and interesting. You have to tell yourself that and remind yourself that. There's no one in the world 100% like you. As for starting conversations, it doesn't have to be new ground. You can think of a random fact about someone, such as the person likes to draw. Just go up to that person and ask, "Hey, you like to draw. Right?" Then just ask a question about drawing. Ask them for a new technique. If you remember that someone is interested in being a Veterinarian ask them something about a it. What made them so interested in that. Sometimes just saying hi will do it. As soon as you make a crack in the ice by saying hi, you will feel the tension lifting and the person will feel more comfortable with you.
As for you wanting to be an actor, especially if you personally aren't very revealing of your emotions and lack social finesse (I can relate BTW), then really get into character. Try to really become the person you're portraying, with their emotions and personality. Feel totally free to ad-lib if it gets you away from reading a script and towards feeling it.
