As of late, I have had a sense of depression like I never have before. It has come up from a multitude of reasons. The most prevalent reasons are the emotions of fear and loneliness really taking over my life. Loneliness...I just graduated from high school back in the beginning of June. It's a funny thing how our emotions change when the time really comes to graduate. We go through high school looking at that day with eagerness and anticipation. We just want out...but when we finally get out, we realize how much there is to miss. For me, I've been having a hard time moving on and leaving those days behind. It's hard to part with so many people whom I've come to know and love. I'm not going to college. I'm working. I've gotten my dream job of working in restoration which is great and all, but there is a downside. All of my coworkers are more than 10 years older than me, so I'm not in a position where I can be making new friends. Granted, they are nice, but I it's not the same as having a friend my age who I can really talk to and hang out with and such. This has lead me to feeling lonely in a matter which I never have before. I'm having a hard time looking towards the future. Fear...I am living in constant fear of coming out. I'm afraid that coming out as gay will be the wrong move...I'm afraid that I will lose friends. I'm afraid of causing emotional hurt in my family...I'm afraid that my dad will be absolutely broken down when I tell him...I'm afraid of the rejection. I'm just afraid. I've been in my head a lot lately. Here's the thing. I've always been the guy who my friends come to for an honest opinion or help through struggles. I've given them so much advice, and now that I'm the one in need of that advice...I can't take it for myself. I won't swallow my own medicine, I guess. The depression is taking its toll on my body. I'm not eating much and I've had some suicidal thoughts...I've just never dealt with anything like this before. I know that things will get better, but I also know that they have to get worse before they get better. What is the best and healthiest way to deal with extreme depression like this?
I read your post, I'm thinking about what to say but today has been crazy and weird. I'm thinking about you though. One super useful thing is to find someone to talk to about it, in real life. It can be emotional but super cathartic. (*hug*)
I know how you feel. I am in a similar situation it is hard when you graduate because its exciting but at the same time you are hit with a new reality. A lot of people have a hard time after they graduate because you have spent so long in school that when you are finished you don't know what to do any more. You are so used to the daily routine, you have friends, you are familiar with what is going to happen but then after that day its over nothing is familiar anymore. But I will say this, it will get better you just have to set a new schedule . As far as making friends, perhaps you can still hang out with some of them from your school. Unless you moved away? If you are scared to tell your friends perhaps you could casually bring up LGBTQ topics and the issues the community faces just to see if they are accepting or not. You may be surprised If you are feeling comfortable you can also try that technique with your family. Just to get a sense of what they feel towards the LGBTQ; then you can go from there (but only do this if you are comfortable). I would suggest, that you go seek help if your suicidal thoughts continue. There are a lot of people who care about you and if you need any body to talk to, the people on here (EC) are always willing to lend an ear to any concerns you have
I did not move away. I am still living at home with my parents and am working a full tile job. I just started a week ago, so I am still getting used to it...but it's still hard being around people who are so much older than me. I keep seeing pictures of my friends moving into their college dorms...they are all going different ways. I feel left behind.
Hi JGuy, my heartfelt empathy goes out to you, as I'm going through depression myself, although in my case I'm kind of 'emerging' - I think I already had the worst of it. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to post on my wall anytime. Depression tends to make us isolate - it does in my case, anyway, but that isolation only increases the depression - so do reach out, don't suffer in silence. (Posting here is obviously a good move.) Major life transitions can have an unsettling effect. You've not only graduated, you are also realizing things about yourself, your sexual orientation, etc. So not just external changes, but internal ones are happening for you. Of course it's easy for me to tell you to eat, sleep and exercize properly, but oddly enough, while I've been depressed, I've ended up neglecting all three of these. It's not easy, and please take care it doesn't progress too far. Seek help. The best thing to do is find a counsellor, obviously try to pick someone favourable to lgbt folks. You would not want to go to one, and have them, for example, try to use your own religion against you! (Despite me not being Christian myself, I've nothing against the 'real' Jesus, only against mainstream Christianity's distortion of aspects of his message; because despite all the homophobia of many churches, Jesus never condemns anyone for their sexuality in the Gospels. He wasn't homophobic, but many of his 'followers' are!). So do try to pick the right person for help. I've given up trying to cope on my own. I was going to sit this out until I can see my regular counsellor again, but it's gotten so hard, that I've searched around, gotten lots of referrals, and finally found these lgbt folks who offer counselling at low cost, which I can afford. So do keep looking until you find someone, and if at first you don't succeed, keep trying. There is usually help out there, somewhere. Lastly, well I think it's brave of you to admit your sexuality to yourself, at your age. It took me so much longer, and I feel as though I've missed out on a few life experiences as a result. Putting all religious considerations aside for a moment, let's remember to always come back to the essential question: is there any harm done to anyone whatsoever, by two guys having sexual intimacy? The answer is a resounding "NO" and sometimes I still have to remind myself of this, when I start trying to convince myself that maybe I'm just 'denying my straightness' (lol yes believe me my mind plays some funny tricks on me, still). There really is nothing wrong with being gay at all...so the trouble, and any stress along this journey, results mostly from any conscious, or perhaps subconscious, judgements we place upon ourselves. That's why, I do suggest finding someone to talk to about it. Take good care of yourself, Damien. (*hug*)
