This was awkward. A family member of mine told me a bit of what he was facing and I said I understood. The issue was he brought up how I was as a child. I wasn't the best kid. I came from an abusive household. Overall, it sucked. Anyways, he had said that he started to remember the times when I would be physically aggressive to him. Thing is I remember we wrestled and I always won, however, he said I was mean to him. He wasn't the greatest kid either so....He then started to ask me if I had ever been diagnosed with anything. I explained that I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My issue wasn't him asking these questions, but rather him insinuating that he thought I had/have borderline personality disorder. He had mentioned that he had done extensive research on it and well for some reason I came to mind. I tried to explain to him that who I was as a child and who I am now are completely different. Sure, I have issues with relationships. I always am afraid to get close to people etc. I just have an issue that he is trying to diagnose me when he doesn't know what he is talking about. I have been seeing a counselor for years, but how does that reflect on me. I am only trying to work on myself. Now the first thing I want to ask my counselor is about this because I don't like how he can assume that especially since he hasn't seen me for several years. He started asking me about if I had addiction problems and such; never have....It has just made me uncomfortable now. Any advice please.
If he isn't a psychologist he should respect your request that he keep that sort of opinion to himself.
Chances are he can't accept that a girl beat him so there must be some other reason why you did. He's done a google search and come up with a whole load of crap. By all means speak to your counsellor about it. They are professionally trained to help you. Don't listen to some stupid hypochondriac by proxy. He's just going to make you feel bad.
I think... let some sunshine in your life ! Enjoy yourself... and small little things... a cup of tea... sunshine on your face... etc... and don't let others bring you down... relax... those are traits everyone might have. Concerning having changed the last years... I agree, and I know a lot of people who also have. (*hug*)(*hug*)
I have borderline personality disorder, and from your posts I wouldn't have guessed it of you. He shouldn't be diagnosing you when it really isn't his business; plus how would he know everything about you? I feel like he's trying to stereotype you (and us borderlines) by putting things in boxes based on limited experience.
And if he is a psychologist, there is nothing ethical about that. It doesn't matter how much "research" he's done, it's none of his business. I think it's important for people to be educated about mental disorders, but the problem is some have a tendency to take that information and hold it up to everyone they know. If your counselor is helping you, then they're the one that matters.
Well, it's possible he was trying to be helpful, but obviously it was quite misguided. It also sounds like you don't have the type of relationship where this is the sort of boundary that can be crossed. I've had a close friend ask me similar things (If I'd been diagnosed with Aspergers, or OCD), but she and I often talked about personal things and I got the sense she was trying to understand me better, not insult me. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I knew she was coming from a helpful place at least. With this family member, I would just tell him that you're already seeking help for your issues and that it's personal, so you would rather not talk about it with him. Be clear on that boundary, and if he brings it up again it's fine to just shoot him down or change the subject. You don't have to answer questions that make you uncomfortable, or share information you don't want to share.
He's a victim and he's trying to stand up for it later. My advice, tell him you're sorry for what you did to him growing up, but he needs to get over it and stop trying to diagnose other people. I'd actually say it pretty much just like that, but I am very direct and don't like people digging into my head. Especially when it stems from their own inability to get over something that I can apologize for, but not do anything about at this point. I also probably would have asked him about his insecurity and tendencies to over compensate in life because of the atrocities he suffered by me just to make a further point.
I did own up to what I did from the past (also apologized), but also explained to him that people change. I also explained to him that he cannot place everyone in one category; doesn't work that way since we all are so different. I also explained that we all have issues, sadly mine are letting someone get emotionally close to me; but I am working on that. He mentioned that he knew someone who had bpd who didn't seem to want any help. I informed him that he cannot be the person to change her-he can only be there physically, but she is the one that has to do the work. I think right now he is stuck. I think he is consumed with trying to help someone else that he is blinded by what he really wants----his goals, aspirations etc. I mentioned that he needs to put himself first. I know a bit of what he is going through because I did the same thing with someone whom I really cared for. I tried to help be the change in that persons life, but I found myself forgetting about myself. I understand a bit of what he is going through. I did say that I will be here if he ever wants to talk....doesn't matter about what. ---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 02:25 PM ---------- We were close when we were younger, but I hadn't spoken to him for 7 plus years. I did explain to him that I have been going to counseling...I am rather not ashamed of that because I am aware of what I need to work on. I shall. ---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 02:36 PM ---------- He mentioned about knowing a girl who had bpd and I had to explain to him that I was not her counselor so I had no right to judge her. I explained to him that I understand his frustrations, however he cannot force her to take accountability-she has to do it on her own. I also did mention that he needs to make sure he is taking care of himself first because that is the only thing he can actually do-change himself. I think he is trying to understand things, but also like you said he needs to realize that he cannot diagnose everyone (since he isn't a doctor), especially because he doesn't know everyones story... Thank you everyone who answered. ---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 02:41 PM ---------- I agree. he doesn't know me. He says that I have some of the symptoms which is strange because he is basing it off of me as a child. I can admit that I don't let people in-I get scared. I have bad anxiety which has gotten better. I also have had mood swings (who doesn't), but that is something I am working on. Plus, I see nothing wrong with people with BPD. We all have issues, whoever doesn't needs to go to a different planet.
