Hi, I'm going through a bit of a rough patch. Lots of big decisions to make, and a lot of things are happening at the same time. It's all a bit overwhelming, and I'm finding myself down in the dumps a fair bit. I'm not depressed or anything, and at times I can really enjoy myself. That being said, I'm not the usual charismatic me, and I've got a lot of stuff to sort out. It dosn't help that I'm in the closet, and want a clear head for aforementioned big decisions. I want to sort this out before things get any worse. Does anyone know of any good resources for people in my situation. I live in the Rep of Ireland. Any help or advice would really be useful.
Well I'm starting uni in a month, and I have 2 offers. One college is in Scotland (I'm Irish) and my dad works in the other one (in Dublin). I really want to come out, but I just can't seem to do it. I know that if I go to the uni at home I'll probably end up staying in the closet in college (5 years) and I'm not sure if I can do that. I'll try to come out, but I've been trying to do that for the last 2 years. I really like the idea of going abroad, but my family arn't really ok with that. They've just assumed I'm acting up or something, but really living far away from them would allwo me to be myself. Personally, I'm really not sure what I want to do. I reckon I need to decide within the next week. Its all getting to me, and I just can't think properly. ---------- Post added 21st Aug 2014 at 11:51 PM ---------- I think my big issue is that there's no one I can really talk to. Very few people know I'm gay, and I think all my friends just assumed that I'm staying in Ireland. Plus, without knowing I'm in the closet no one will get why I want to go abroad.
Wowwww - exciting decision to make !! And well done on getting the results!! First don't get stressed. You need to be a bit analytical so that you are ultimately confident about the decision you make which must be for sound reasons and to please you, not your family. Moving to Scotland would certainly give a fresh piece of paper so you can re-invent yourself away from your usual environment. However… some boring questions also come to mind: Have you assessed which Uni looks the most promising from the course perspective, and future career? Without thinking too hard, which one do you have a good gut reaction towards? Does your old school have career counsellor or further education teacher for talking it through with? Or do you/ did you have a favourite teacher you could go and chat to - even though you left there? Also … Is Dublin your home city? Would going to Dublin mean you have to live with your folks??? Or could you live in halls or flat share? Why are your folks kind of against you going to Scotland? Its only a short flight away? With life decisions… it is sometimes useful to list out pros and cons on a bit of paper … and sleep on it. If you rush these things you'll feel panicked in to making the decision which you may later regret. You need to be really sure about this one !!. Feed me some answers to these … and more questions may come back at ya!!
I pretty much told a lot of people that I was keep on staying in Ireland, but I think that may have been to make my folks happy. Career wise, Scotland would be a bit better, but both uni's are pretty good. My gut reaction varies. One day, moving seems like a great idea, and the next I'll suddenly have it in my head that I want to stay at home. Career guidance in my school was pretty much useless. Of the two teachers from my school tha I'd know personally, one is pretty homophobic, and the other is really old (I don't know what her reaction would be to me being gay, but I don't want to chance it). I live outside of Dublin, but I'd usually go up their about once or twice a month, and have lots of family living their. I probably wouldn't live with my folks, but if I don't get halls I would have to move in with my aunt. My folks have a phobia of emigration. I have more aunts and uncles living abroad than I do living in Ireland. I'm only just turned 18 and they want me to be close to home, which is understandable. There's a bit of the old distrust of the Angles in their too, but mostly its the idea that they'd only see me once every couple of weeks. I've run through all the pros and cons of each path over and over in my head and it's driving me insane. If I live my life for my folks I know I'll be unhappy. Then again, I'm terrified of making a decision I'll regret. Thankyou so much for listening. Its such a relief to be able to voice my concerns!
GO ABROAD!!! You will have a much better time and will be able to be out. I was not out as an undergraduate and it is one of my major regrets. Even straight kids purposefully very often go as far away from their home town as possible for university. It's like a rite of passage. Some of my friends even went to the US - which is far and has quite a different undergraduate culture in some ways. Going to Scotland is comparatively easy. Just tell your parents you want to make a fresh start and you're excited by Scotland. From what you've told us there is no good reason to stay where you are. Your parents reasons for wanting you at home are silly. Everything points to going away!!
Well, your school doesn't sound too promising does it ??? This : "Then again, I'm terrified of making a decision I'll regret'. Will be so much easier if you check off some of the questions - quite coldly and analytically. It might just help you wake up just KNOWING instinctively what is the right decision is. So.. with that in mind… where is the other Uni? Did you go there to check it out and what did you think of the city/town? Are the two courses the same subject ? Same outcomes qualifications/ career wise? Is one course more attractive to you than the other? And why? What are the fears associated with going to Scotland? What are the positives about studying in Dublin? Do you have brothers/ sisters who can still be around for your folks? This one, by the way, was quite telling.. "If I live my life for my folks I know I'll be unhappy." If your folks read that line .. wouldn't they INSIST you go to Scotland??? This is no time for being a people pleaser. Their fear of emigration should not stand in your way. This is a crucial time to make the right decision for YOU. This is such a fab crossroads for you to make a really positive decision. Happy to ping pong some more thoughts on it… (ps: off to la-la land just for now :sleep: but catch up with this tomorrow )
Yes. Do not people please. Make the right decision for you. Of course, if your parents are controlling to the point of being abusive, or are religious nutjobs, then take into account the need to retain their (financial?) support for a few more years. If you think they'll react *very badly* to a decision to a go abroad, then take that into account. But if they're halfway normal parents? They'll just shrug and get behind your decision to go abroad, if you take that path.
I'd say move away. Ireland is crap. I live up North and as soon as I get the chance I'm out of here, get to live away from home and just explore places outside of where I live. It's exciting even thinking about it, but the thought of travel has always interested me. My parents are the same but I've made my decision already and I know I'm moving away. It's your life, do what you want with it !
I decided to stay in Ireland. Not the most adventurous decision, but I'm happy with it. I've lots of friends who will be near by, and will get to be closer to my folks. Having said that, I'm determined to come out soon, and have already made contact with the uni lgbt+. I'll be 22 when I graduate, and I'm in no rush to do anything. The nature of my chosen course means that I'll have plenty of opportunities to see the world, both during and after college. bingostring: My parents' fear of emigration is based on the fact that a lot of my Mum's family and all of my Dad's emigrated, and while one or two of their siblings have done well, a lot of them have done very badly. The two uni's were pretty much exactly the same on every front, so there's no use trying to compare them, and the outcome of the courses is guaranteed to lead to the same career. Lyr110 : What is it with NI people wanting to go to college outside NI. My advice to you is to apply for a Rep. of Ireland citizenship. Then you can go to college in Ireland for 2850 euro a year or to Scotland for free for college. Well worth it. Also, if you do have any questions about uni in Scotland, don't hesitate to ask. The places I applied to are University of Dundee, Aberdeen, Edinburgh and Glasgow. I would really advise you have a look at Dundee if you want to try something completely new (my first choice, but they rejected me post interview). I know that my decision may not be the romantic option, but I'm happy with it, and I'm going to try to not regret it, even if I don't enjoy my choice. I've also made the decision that I'm not going to stick college out if I'm not enjoying it. If, at the end of first year, I'm still unhappy, I will drop out. This choice will force me to make the most out of the upcoming year. Thanks for all the advice. If you have any more questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them.
