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Terrified to start therapy...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by 2Bornot2B, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. 2Bornot2B

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    ...and I know that I need it. Both to start transition and to keep my sanity (what's left of it) intact. Every time I feel particularly dysphoric I find myself having a battle of wills in my head over scheduling an appointment at my university's counseling center.

    One the one hand, I know that without it nothing will get better and on the other... I feel terrified of finally making that leap. It's like there is this overwhelming fear of sharing my emotions with a complete stranger. And in my head I know that the school has a diversity policy and that some of the counselors actually want to help LGBT students, so being rejected isn't an issue.

    And what happens when they recommend me for a therapist off-campus? I'm still financially dependent on my parents, and while they are completely supportive, they won't be able to help me fund transition, including therapy. I'm grateful that they could get me through my first two years of college. I can't pay for therapy myself and most insurance policies don't cover gender problems.

    Hopefully just writing this will help me to just go for it. It worked when I was trying to come out for the first time. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    I'm sure others share similar feelings - I can relate a bit.

    With my first appointment, I couldn't speak. I was so anxious. So I brought in some paper and pencil and wrote down some stuff - maybe, if your therapist allows it, you can do the same? After a while, you calm down, and it's not so bad.

    I wish you good luck. This is a big step, you said yourself, and I respect you for going through it. (*hug*)
     
  3. Martin

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    Hey,

    The above advice is good.

    Therapists will have seen all sorts of different responses from service users over the years, ranging from those who are mute all the way up to those who can't stop talking because of their nerves. Whatever reaction you have, they should be prepared for that and be able to take appropriate steps to ease you into the relationship. Remember that there's always a first time for everything, but things always get easier as we adapt to them and begin to work it into a routine and comfort zone. It's just that we also love socially catastrophising when we do get anxieties about new situations, and yet 99.9% of the time (in my experience) they're never anywhere near as bad as what I think they'll be.

    In regards to your other concerns, I think it's important that you focus on the here and now at this point. They're reasonable concerns that will need to be addressed, but you're getting ahead of your own anxieties by thinking of those barriers before you've worked your way around the ones right infront of you. Who knows? This experience might open up opportunities and/or emotional strengths that allow you to obtain solutions to these issues later down the line. As you won't know what the situation will be when the time comes to address those issues, it's no use assessing them under your current situation. Ideally, the whole point of beginning therapy is so that you can start addressing your holistic needs within a supportive environment, so you won't be alone when you begin sorting out the later challenges that life will throw at you.

    Good luck!

    Martin.
     
  4. 2Bornot2B

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    Thanks for the advice! I'm hoping to work up the courage sometime soon. Writing things down sounds like a good idea if I end up tongue-tied. And you're right Martin, I need to focus on the here and now. I might drive myself insane if I keep worrying. I just need to focus on classes and getting therapy started. I have time before everything else happens.