Last year in college I had to tolerate the presence of a gay classmate who befriended one of my other friends. He was an asshole who took pleasure in making me feel unconformable, because he thought I was straight. He would invade my personal space, say things to try and embarrass me, and such. I told my friend that he made me unconformable and that I didn't like being around him and she agreed that he was doing it on purpose. Fast forward a year. I came out to several friends and family and this year I want to get involved with my school's GBLTQ club. The problem is, I'm afraid of encountering this individual, since I know he still goes to school here. I don't want to have to deal with this guy. He was a crap person to me then, and I don't want him to think that we're suddenly friends, or for him to try and put me down and say I didn't like him because he was gay (which hello, is obviously not the problem). Sooo, any advice?
I didn't get it as bad as you did but recently at a volunteer center I've been going to this other lesbian was pretty cold to me because she thought I was straight, when I said Hi to her she gave me the dirtiest look ever at first I didn't get why until it hit after thinking oh they thought I was straight based on how I was dressed the other lesbians as well ignored me and sat far away from me , they didn't even look at me when I was talking . That's the first time I've dealt with gay bullying but I could just sense a feeling of you don't belong here . It's a shame some gays go on stereotypes . I don't really have advice to deal with it what I did was just ignore it but sometimes maybe you can tell him to quit being a bully . Sorry I don't have the best advice . Personally though I would call him out for being a hypocrite if he kept that crap up
There is a high probability that he was messing with you because there was some level of attraction on his part. Being straight would make you no different than the vast majority of other males that he met on a regular basis. There was a specific reason that he took an interest in you particularly. I don't mean to be cliché, but I feel that making an effect to be more honest and vocal could go a long way in these situations. When someone is violating your personal space or attempting to embarrass you in any way, address them directly and make your feelings known. You don't necessarily have to tell him that the things that he does irritates you because he might try to laugh the complaint off, but I would ask him why he is doing these things? Being upfront and explicit with him would probably be the best way to make him back off.
Someone has suggested that he liked me before, but I am very sure that this was not the case. At the time I felt like I couldn't say anything because he would simply label me as homophobic. He is a very defensive person. In the past I have just tried to avoid him, but now I'm worried that if I express that I don't like being around him, that he'll simply to people he's friends with in the GBLTQ club that I'm not worth knowing.
I'm somewhat inclined to agree with Gen. I also think it's quite possible that his gaydar picked up on you and he was (inconsiderately) hassling you because he (correctly) perceived you as closeted. I think your best bet is to perhaps sit and talk with him. Sometimes honest, heartfelt conversations with people like that can completely change their perception. If nothign changes, you really aren't any worse off, and perhaps it will come out with both of you able to be friends and him apologizing.
Maybe, when you meet him again, just be pleasant to him? And if he says anything you're uncomfortable with call him out on it. If he ever insinuates you were homophobic tell him that he needs to learn about boundaries. The people in the GBLTQ club will get to know you by themselves. Dont worry about this guy any more. He cant do anything to you. Have a good time and keep us updated.
