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I'm soft butch and suddenly typically female descriptors feel wrong,but pronouns ok

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Parsley, Aug 25, 2014.

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  1. Parsley

    Parsley
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I had a profoundly strange sensation recently. I was trying to describe myself as I was getting all dressed up for a date. I felt like I looked good. I felt awesome! My outfit was completely on point. Having a great hair day, just everything going my way. Then I went to describe myself out loud while talking to a friend as I was getting ready. And like I previously would in this situation I started to say "I feel pretty!" but suddenly that felt wrong - completely wrong. There was a profound disconnect.

    It wasn't that I didn't feel attractive. I did! But "pretty" felt so female, and that's not how I felt. This word has never felt foreign to me before, but now it feels like something inappropriate to associate with myself. But I'm completely comfortable with female pronouns.

    I came out as gay last year, and since then I've been becoming more and more comfortable with how I present myself. Before coming out I'd say my presentation read as slightly femme with a slight tomboy-ish lean. But I'd say now I read as andro or soft butch. I'm comfortable with the way I look now, but this feeling is new.

    Has anyone else had this happen? Is this normal? I know this is an odd thing to be concerned enough about to start a thread for, but it was a genuinely new and unsettling feeling.
     
    #1 Parsley, Aug 25, 2014
  2. ThePrideInside4

    ThePrideInside4
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    Re: I'm soft butch and suddenly typically female descriptors feel wrong,but pronouns

    It happens to me a lot.
    My family doesn't know that I'm secretly a crossdresser or that I'm questioning my gender or that I'm pansexual. So I'm forced to wear things that other people expect me to wear, then my mother might say "you look pretty" or I might tell my mother "I feel like I look pretty today". Then I get goosebumps and I feel sick, because I want to look "so awesome", not "pretty". I want to look "totally cool" not pretty"!!!
    :frowning2:
     
    #2 ThePrideInside4, Aug 25, 2014
  3. LadyRedRover

    LadyRedRover
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    Re: I'm soft butch and suddenly typically female descriptors feel wrong,but pronouns

    I've had that happen with me, particularly with the words 'pretty' or 'cute', despite considering myself androgynous and comfortable with being female-bodied.

    I use 'handsome' quite a bit to describe myself since I have very strongly defined features for a woman. Sometimes people are surprised by it but mostly I have people go 'You know what? You actually are handsome,' and let it go. Just use whatever words you feel describe you and roll with it. It's perfectly normal. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 LadyRedRover, Aug 25, 2014
  4. thedreamwatch

    thedreamwatch Guest

    Re: I'm soft butch and suddenly typically female descriptors feel wrong,but pronouns

    I feel this. I really do.
    I think it's pretty normal to want to use words that you feel like apply to you, and also to not use ones that you feel don't really apply to you, even if they're not the ones that other people would consider appropriate for your gender.
     
    #4 thedreamwatch, Aug 25, 2014
  5. wanderinggirl

    wanderinggirl
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    Re: I'm soft butch and suddenly typically female descriptors feel wrong,but pronouns

    Duuude I'm going through the same thing! One day as I walked out the door I wondered why I wasn't feeling as down on myself as I usually do, and I looked in the mirror and realized I was no longer trying to look "pretty". I looked great, I looked nice, but I didn't look "pretty", and it was a huge relief.

    It's normal if you feel that it's right for you. Did it feel relieving? Wrong? Were you nostalgic for a time when you were "pretty"? If you feel good about yourself without feeling pretty, then that's the important thing.

    ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2014 at 07:32 PM ----------

    Also, reading your other posts, it sounds like you're not very comfortable with not looking "pretty"; is this the case?
     
    #5 wanderinggirl, Aug 25, 2014
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