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i need your opinion on something.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ineedyouropinio, Aug 26, 2014.

  1. ineedyouropinio

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    wow ok. I'm on a gay forum.

    i'm a 22 yo straight male with weird thoughts, anxiety and panic attacks. but before i ask my questions, let me share my story.

    since I was a kid i always found some girls attractive and some not. by the age of 13 i had my first real crush - or i was just horny for her 24/7, barely could resist grabbing her butt.

    anyway, i was a weirdo. never had friends, was obese, i first kissed a girl when i was 18. i kissed a girl i didnt really liked but i wanted to get over it. it was cool and awesome to grab her boobies.

    i had my first sex when i was 21. damn it was awful. i had a crush on this older girl and she rejected me so i decided to follow stupid-movie-alphamale-pattern and have sex with her friend.

    she was an awful person. i dont know why i did it. anyway, no magic, just sex and couple orgasms.

    i was lonely and started using *******. i hooked up with a cool woman, 10 years older, but not really attractive - had sex anyway.

    since then, i started wondering if i enjoy sex as i should be enjoying. i came to conclusion that i need time with the other person, build some kind of emmotional connection and the experience is better. sex with my current gf is quite hot.

    though she didnt catch my eye at first. it wasnt love from the first sight. we had to go out couple times to see if things will work out.

    i rarely find myself hot n horny for girls. i admire them but rarely want to fuck them - maybe thats just how i am.

    anyway, my gay collegue started making jokes about my sexuality and it made me feel this way.. like i might be gay because im not a stereotypical dude loving beer and violence n bitches.

    i have huge anxiety and occasional panic attacks. when? whenever i stand close to another guy. im scared i could blow him, no offence but this thought always comes up and makes want to throw up. and its like this for about a 6 months.

    i dont have any guy friends since i HS. ive never found any guy attractive yet i keep wondering about that and it scares tge fuck out of me.

    i watch tv, i see an attractive male actor (at least according to ther people) and i get sick.

    same is in real life.

    anyone can relate?
    does it sound like im gay?

    i tried watching gay porn but it sickens me..
    i wonder if my sexuality is a lie or not.

    someone told i might have intrusive thoughts and im visiting school counsellor next week but im not sure this is the case..
     
  2. Yosia

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    You do not need to be stereotypical to be straight, or gay for that matter. I know several people who get accused of being gay because they dont like stuff like that, yet they are straight.

    You seem very straight to me. You dont need to be able to have sex and feel great just to be straight. You said that you are not attracted to males, then that means you are not gay.

    In the end, only you know who you are but my not so expert opinion thinks you are straight. ^.^
     
  3. ineedyouropinio

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    then where the thoughts are coming from?
    why do i sometimes wonder how is it like to blow someone even though it makes me sick?
    i even started "checking guys out" to see if it does something for me, even it doesnt i keep doing that to be sure.

    im sorry, i might sound like a psycho, but im feeling really bad.
     
  4. LadyRedRover

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    It sounds like you're questioning and that's okay. Questioning and exploring sexuality is a completely normal thing.

    It sounds like you're very concerned with being straight, why is that?

    Why would the idea of being gay make you feel sick?

    Being gay isn't only about sex. It's about who you love and why. As a lesbian who's had experiences with men, it was very hard for me to accept my sexuality. I eventually found that my relationships with men weren't as fulfilling as my relationships with women, either physically or emotionally.

    How do you feel when you're around your best guy friend or an attractive guy that you're cool with? How do you feel around your girlfriend? Not sex-wise, but in general. Do you feel that you can open up around her? Do you feel comfortable and 'right' in the relationship or like you're just going through the motions? Which sex do you believe is the most attractive on a general scale, men or women?

    In the end, no one can figure out your sexuality but you. You're not a psycho if your gay, your not a psycho if your straight, or bi, or pan, or any of the other orientations. You're you, and that's okay. It sounds like you need to ask yourself some questions and just relax :slight_smile:
     
  5. ineedyouropinio

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    my bff is a female, also i have few male friends and i don't open up to them because it feels hard and weird.

    i enjoy hanging in a group of guys but for nothing more than to relax, to try something different than hanging only with my lady friend.

    im open type of person. i easily open up. i feel comfortable with my gf and im starting to develop feelings for her. but yeah, i feel like it misses something, but i suppose we'll either figure it out or break up just like in any other relationship.

    and i dont understand the part about attractiveness of each genders. never liked a guy and i sometimes meet a girl i cant stop thinking about for the next few days. so i guess thats the answer.

    sorry for poor grammar and wall of text but im on my crappy mobile phone
     
  6. Monraffe

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    I've been openly gay for many decades now and have had a few deep conversations with friends who more or less share these same thoughts. It is always interesting and often puzzling.

    I think it's best to view this as a kind of exploration. Think of your sexuality as this personal private cave. For most people their cave turns out to be what they expected it to be all along: they are attracted to the opposite sex, go through all the expected phases, and generally don't give it all that much thought. Others have caves that are shaped in unexpected ways and require a bit of exploration to map them out. Some think their cave is traditional but discover a hidden section to it later in life. Then there are the really interesting people whose cave of personal sexuality never stops changing.

    Some don't want to explore all the parts of their cave and that's perfectly fine. If you choose not to, you still have made a choice. Anxiety, however, isn't a good thing to have to keep dealing with. Anxiety comes from stress. I suggest in your case the stress is caused by cognitive dissonance - two competing thoughts that exist in your mind at the same time. One thought wants to explore your cave and the other does not.

    There is no way to know in advance what you will find if you go on this journey. You might be gay, straight, bi, part one or the other, or you might continually shift between orientations as you go through life. The important thing is that you don't judge yourself harshly simply for being what you are. The distaste you say you have for some of these thoughts comes from your upbringing. These are things you have been taught and they can be unlearned.

    Good luck on whatever path you decide to take. More times than not, the road less traveled leads to a fuller understanding of who you are. Only you can decide if that's a good thing or not.
     
  7. ineedyouropinio

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    how do you explore? by dating same sex?
    i dont think thats me, i just want to rid off tge anxiety that haunts me for some reason.

    ive always been a drama queen, but this takes me to a whole new level. wondering if im surpressed gay or not. jesus, i hope noone will ever experience this because its terrible
     
  8. LadyRedRover

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    General attractiveness means just that :slight_smile: One of my main 'signs' was that I found women to be far more beautiful than men on a overall attractiveness scale. I had talked about this with my straight friends and they pretty much felt that the opposite sex was the most beautiful and attractive. Think of it like a peacock. The male is the most beautiful while the female is rather plain. Now, apply that same concept to humans and see what your kneejerk reaction is.

    You can explore your sexuality in whatever way you want, or choose not to explore it. Dating the same sex is one method, trying to unlearn any societal pressures you grew up with is another. Hang around the site or just read a book about someone that's gay and is trying to cope. Ironically, there's many ways to discover your sexuality without having sex, if that's any comfort to you.

    Discovering who you are is a difficult process all around. Many of us went through the same thing you're going through now, we know it's terrible and want to help in any way that we can. But, as someone who went through what you are going through now and ended up with the 'worst case scenario', I'm just going to tell you that it's going to be okay if you are gay. It's not a bad thing and it feels much better to know who you are, regardless of what that is.

    As for the anxiety, have you considered meditation, yoga, or martial arts like tai chi? These might help lower your anxiety as well as give your mind clarity so you can think through this situation. PM me if you'd like me to send you some information about them. :slight_smile: