Really low self esteem

You're family are jerks (*hug*)

Have you tried expressing you're emotions?? Like for example in art?

 

Are these your parents or siblings making hurtful comments? If it's your siblings, I would tell them to stop it and then tell your parents you've asked them to stop because you're feeling fragile and raw again and may need them to pay for more therapy if this continues. If it's your parents - wow - tell them the comments are really hurtful and you feel like you're backsliding mentally and you need them to please think before they speak.

Try to imagine everyone has a score. The higher the score, the more they're allowed into your inner sanctum - your heart, your mind, etc. Everytime they do or say something hurtful or thoughtless, they lose points. Once they've lost enough points, in your opinion, they no longer rate having an impact on your life/wellbeing. They simply become part of the background. When they talk, all you "hear" is blah, blah, blah. Smile and nod politely and carry on no worse off because they have no value as far as you're concerned. You don't need to be rude, just adjust your mindset so that unworthy people simply flit by on your life's radar with hardly a blip.

Is there a crisis line in your area? You could call them to get some help/ideas. Depending on how desparate you're feeling, a phone call is better than the Internet as it's more immediate. Good luck and don't hurt yourself.

 

Although it was meant to be helpful, I don't think the comment about keeping score of everyone sounds very healthy or constructive...

The fact that your family will make fun of your weight and looks while knowing that you're a recovering anorexic boggles my mind. Try to think of a trusted adult (family or otherwise) whom you can tell this to, and hopefully they can help you change this situation.

Calling a crisis line is also a good idea. If you could call the place or people who helped you recover, that would be even better, since they already know you.

 

Oh my, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, lovinladies. If your family makes fun of you regardless of what they do or don't know about you, that is just awful. Family are those few individuals you bring into your intimate close circle. If those people are dysfunctional and abusive, it's no wonder you're depressed. After years of work on myself, I can tell you that I'm a genuinely happy individual, but if I had to live with people like that, I'd be miserable all over again. So don't blame yourself for how you feel right now. You are only 17 (still very young). It was your parents' job to raise you into a happy, healthy, well balanced, and productive human being. And as you've already shared, you are not happy in a big way. Again, I'm so sorry about this :icon_sad:.

But there is glorious hope! Actually more like this... :eusa_danc (!) You are becoming more self-aware, getting older, and don't have too much longer until you are out on your own. This may seem a bit scary, but I can tell you from experience it's incredibly liberating.

Here are some suggestions for you:
1) Find a counselor to talk to regularly. Having someone in your corner is invaluable. If you can afford a professional therapist (find one that offers reduced rates!) that would be ideal. If the first one you find you don't like, then go find another. Keep looking until you find someone you 'click' with.
2) Read "The Psychology of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden. This book lays out the scientific explanation of what self-esteem really is and how our actions cause it to rise or fall. It will help you begin to take back your power.
3) Don't spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. You may be forced to at this stage of your life, but remember life is change. This won't last forever. At the very least, minimize your time with these people.
4) Find something you really enjoy and throw yourself into it. If it involves other people, so much the better! This can be a tough one starting out, but keep looking around, there is a whole world out there. You've got an internet connection so no excuses :icon_wink
5) Diet, exercise, sleep - these 3 things have THE MOST impact on how you feel day to day. If your eating is not balanced, you're not sleeping through the night and waking up rested, and you're not getting exercise, then you could have a perfect family but you'll still feel depressed. I've always struggled with these three because I want to work work work, and snack snack snack which leaves little time to sleep sleep sleep. Once I got this figured out EVERYTHING became easier.

There are of course plenty of other things you could do, but the two most important and immediate things you can do to change your mood is to balance out your food, exercise, and sleep and then find a therapist/counselor to talk to on a regular basis.

I really hope this helps!

Best wishes (*hug*)
Holly <3

Also, if you don't mind sharing, can you talk about your anorexia? When did it start? What was it like? How do you feel about it?

 

Have you told your parents how much it hurts you when they say these things?

 

OMG! That is hideous! What a terribly horrific thing to do! Her actions are the actions of a monster. My goodness, I'm so so so very sorry. Is there someone else you can live with?


edit: How can you ridicule, denigrate, call names, and hit someone you love?! You can't love someone and do these things.

 

I mean AS SOON AS YOU CAN! :eek: You live in a terribly abusive environment. Am I right in saying so? Was this the only time you've been verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically abused? Or is this a regular occurrence?

 

whoaah you so need to get out of that environment! and if thats not possible atm then at least stay at the friends for a break away from the treatment you are getting at home from those who are should be there for you! maybe not being around them will give them time to think on how horribly they treat you?. can you talk to your sister ? if she is living there too and wont repeat it back to your parents then talking everything out with her i guess will be at least some family support and comfort in having an ally.

 

I agree with everyone else, you should try and find elsewhere to live as your environment is obviously detrimental to you, mentally and physically.

If you can't leave, just ignore them, it sounds much easier than it is, I know. Before every time I left my room, I would just hype myself up- create a barrier almost between me and them, then just get on with it and avoid it and them as much as possible. As bad as it sounds, I just distanced myself from them, and it worked.

You can get through this without going back to your old ways, I promise. Take every day at a time, or if that fails, every hour you do is phenomenal. If you need a friend or just want to vent, feel free to message me. ****hugs*****