Forgive me for the confusion and mess in this thread

Hello out there. I am a female of 19 years.
I am posting here because I wasn't sure where this fitted.

This is the first time ever that I am posting on a LGBT forum and even the first time I am posting about my sexuality.

I don't know where to begin. Let me just say that, I am beginning to consider myself bisexual. For a long time I would just think that I was maybe a 2 on the kinsey-scale, and that defining and putting people into categories was not necessary, it was limiting. I still think that, actually, but I also just want to label myself bisexual.

I was sure I was straight for most of my life. Actually I don't think I thought about even questioning my sexuality, of course I was straight. But when I think back, I now realize that I have been in love with women without knowing it, or I think so. I have always been sexually attracted to boys. I thought my attraction to women were only romantic. Something happened today and I guess that is what have made me decide to post here. I was in a shop to try on some shoes and this woman who was working there touched my feet to feel if the shoe fitted. If this was a beautiful or sexy man it wouldn't surprise me if I felt a little turned on, or I don't know how to put it... Just felt something in that sense. This happened today with that woman. It was nothing special, I know, but it was like it made me even more sure that I may be bisexual.

I am in love with a girl right now. She doesn't know. We don't see each other anymore, we never really knew each other that well. We went to the same school but school is over now. I don't know what to do about it.

If this girl was a boy I could talk to my friends about it. Take the weight off of my heart. But I can't talk to my friends about it. I can't talk to anyone about it and it's very hard. I can talk to my friends about boys. If I have a crush on a boy, if I see a hot guy walking down the street. But when I see a beautiful woman, what can I do but to sigh and dream.

But I don't feel like coming out, because I am not even sure myself. I don't know what I am because it changes. One day I wake up and think, I am straight, come one, I only like men. The next, i wake up and think, women are the only way to my heart, what can I do. And why should you label yourself? My sexuality is probably best defined ad fluid. But how can you communicate that to the world? Also, my sexual experience is very limited, so I haven't even tested it.

I don't know if I am asking for advice or what I am doing, I just needed to tell someone about this, and what is better than the world wide web of anonymity.

 

Thank you for your answer. Good to hear about your thought about your own identity.