i met someone the other day and she was lovely but it wasnt a date just a casual meeting. (well.... i hope she thought so to because i didnt word it, can i take you out bla bla, i just asked her if she wanted to meet up) alas, that happened. we did crazy golf i had fun, despite being ill and trying my best to hide it and not even telling her. i hope she had fun too well seemed like she did, we chatted... i think we had a few things in common. she wished me a safe journey home as did i to her, the goodbye was brief but i did it purposely because i thought she was in a rush to catch her bus... and then we went our separate ways. a few awkward silences occurred, but nothing out the ordinary for a first meeting i thought anyways. she got home a good 3 hours earlier than me but never text saying she got home, fair enough. so i text her when i got home (it was really late), thanking her again for something she bought along for me and that i had fun and did she get home safe. she replied in te morning she got home fine but that was it, not that she had fun or enjoyed the day or anything. now im thinking either - she didnt enjoy my company - i offended her by not paying for her as i asked her if she wanted to join me.... (so maybe she assumed i would pay, but then i didnt mean it as a date) im going to give it a week and then text her asking if she ever wants to hang out again. i wont be offended either way but i just cant figure out where we stand. deffo dont wanna come off clingy, but im getting the impression she just isnt interested at all in being friends. do you think i should wait more than a week/am i reading the signs wrong?
People can be rather inconsistent in their communications for numerous reasons. It could be that she was simply busy the next morning and wanted to acknowledge that you had text her but did not have time to go into full detail. She also may have not understood your implied questions; she may have seen the phrase "I had fun" as a statement and not as an inquiry as to whether she felt the same--thus, she only responded to the part of the text that she understood to be a direct inquiry: "Did you get home." It may be that she had a fantastic time but, for one reason or another, did not think that this detail was relevant to you (I am like this myself; I only tend to reveal how I felt about or enjoyed something when directly prompted to reveal such information). A week seems like good pacing; it makes you seem interested in the relationship without seeming "clingy." I would be cautious with the phrasing "Do you ever want to hang out again?", as this could cause her to think that you do not want to hang out with her; perhaps it would be better to phrase it more subtly, i.e. "Hey, anytime that you're up for [coffee/golf/whatever it is that people do nowadays], let me know!" I hope that everything works out well between you two.
This leaves you exposed for the "yeah i'll see when i get free, i'll call you", then they "forget" to call and you have to ask again and then... you end up sounding clingy. Because as said, people ARE inconsiderate in their communications. Try to come off as the one who is free and make her feel that she has to oblige to your schedule if she does in fact want to meet you. As a blunt example: "i allow you to take me out" (this is what i actually use on my friends and they are used to it and it works, even though it's selfish, they kind of take it because it's sort of as a joke and yet it's not, there is a whole psychological factor involved of them not wanting to "lose this chance" to see you etc... very deep shit) As a less blunt example: "i'll be free this saturday, call me for coffee" (here you are more demanding and straightforward) As an even less blunt example: "i'm free this saturday, let's go out for coffee". (here you are making a suggestion instead of plainly stating that you want to go out for coffee) You need to find a balance between being more direct and less "needy", if she is "playing hard to get" simply don't play the game, if she has feelings then sooner or later she will call. If she doesn't then you don't want to hang with her anyways. You need to gauge if she is just shy of you because she likes you or if she's just an inconsiderate jerk who lives in the moment and cares only for themselves. I've gone off track here, please disregard this last paragraph. P.S. - coffee is bad for you, drink tea!
