Frustrated straight woman wanting to understand, please help.

I don't think this is representative of all gay people, although I'm sorry you've met the nasty/loud ones. There are plenty of masculine gay men around, although some of the flamboyant ones are going to be louder about their sexuality (although not always the case either).

Most of us are just average people that aren't different from heterosexuals, but of course you'll always meet loud people in every group. Just like a lot of Christians may come off as ignorant, hateful, preachy; they're just the loud ones and I personally know Christians that don't fit in that group at all.

 

Welcome a, I will try to address some of your issues.
Equal but different is a difficult concept to understand. It's true, everyone should be considered equal regardless of any factors, however, the reality is that they are not and that they do not necessarily want to be seen as the same. Equality and difference is not uncommon and certainly not solely a LGBT issue. Many different groups want to retain their culture yet they want equal rights as citizens and in a diverse world I think this is a unreasonable request and our community is no different. I live in Quebec and this is something that is a common issue here in terms of the Quebecois, and even though many concessions have been made by the federal government to allow them to retain their culture, they are still given equal rights as Canadians, and therre is a lot more here, but I'm trying to find a comparison. It shouldn't matter what culture a person belongs to, that is part of who that person is, it's a part of their identity and everyone has that right, however, it doesn't mean that they shouldn't be given equal citizenship rights because they don't conform to dominant society. I don't know if this helped clarify the 'equal but different' question you had, but I do hope it helped some.

Gay culture is certainly not popular, and poses great risks to anyone who does take the chance and become a part of it. (I'm not saying that sexual orientation is a choice, just that not everyone who is LGBT necessarily becomes part of the culture, some choose to maintain a private LGBT existence and pretend to be heterosexual in public). Hate crime based on sexual orientation is one of the most violent types of hate crime. There are many parts of the world where we are considered illegal and nonhuman. If you go through many of the threads on here you will see that it is anything but popular which is why so many people are terrified to be who they are and to love who they want. And you do not need to identify with any culture to be considered supportive so is it possible there are other reasons you are not considered supportive? I don't want to offend you, I'm just asking you as a way to maybe self reflect on other possible reasons you are perceived as unsupportive.

Feminine persona: Not all gay men exhibit this, and I don't think they are necessarily trying to 'fit in'. Of course you would not identify with it seeing as you are not a gay man, which will also make it difficult for you to perhaps understand. I don't identify with gay men who are more feminine, but I don't really think about it either. It's who they are and I accept them as that just as I hope they would accept me as I am. There are many 'traditional' looking and acting men who are gay and you wouldn't know it to look at them, just as if you saw me you would probably have no idea that I am a lesbian. Not all straight people follow gender norms either but it doesn't matter. Let me tell you something wonderful about being gay. Once I came out, and others have told me the same thing, we just don't care as much anymore what other people think about us and we become who we want to be without concern about gender norms or societal expectations. We're not aiming for any type of individuality, we're just trying to be ourselves and happy and all we want is accepted and respected for who we are and if we're not, well at least me, if I'm not, I don't care. I 'm not trying to please or displease anyone else, I'm only trying to live my life and let everyone else live there life

Finally, you shouldn't feel as if you're being pushed to respect or love anyone else, it's something that's voluntary. We shouldn't feel like we need to constantly defend ourselves when we aren't asking for anything but to be given equal rights as citizens, be treated as humans, and be allowed to express ourselves as everybody else does. I don't think that's asking for a lot.

I thank you for coming and asking these questions. Most people would come to their own conclusions rather than seeking input, and I respect that you did seek input and are trying to understand. I hope I was able to help you with some of it and hopefully I wasn't offensive. I can be a little direct sometimes, but I was only trying to address your questions.