Dealing with depression and university

I know how you feel. nothing is worse than being depressed and having school on your mind 24/7. it's easier said than done but trust me once it's over there is no better feeling. I just graduated a few months ago and it feels like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders. but now another weight is sitting there (pressure to find a full time job). the truth is, it's going to be hard but try your best to finish. even if it takes a few tries. I failed a semester but went back the next year and finished. you will 100% regret it. try talking to your student liason, or even your teachers. tell them you are going through some shit and that you are trying your hardest to get back on track. they may cut you some slack. I didn't do any work for one class and at the end of the semester I wrote a long email to my teacher saying how I really fucked up and had been going through some difficult times. he let me hand in all the work I missed and he passed me with a 50. some people have a heart lol. good luck my friend. don't ever give up

 

First - Dude. I'm going to hug you, because you deserve a hug, you need one and I'm giving it. *hugs you*
Second - a lot of people can give you advice here, it's just that everyone has something to do. I, personally, don't just hang out in one section of the forum and wait for someone to make a thread so I can reply immediately, and I'm pretty sure it's the same with everyone else. Sometimes people make threads and post pretty frequently, and other threads get buried under them. Just because no one has seen your thread doesn't mean no one cares, alright? I understand you're depressed and it's easier to think that way, but hey. I'm replying right now - that means I care. Don't let the dark thoughts change what I say, and I'll repeat it again: I care.

Third, and main:

Depression can be a bitch. That's one thing we can all say for sure. It's not easy to handle at all, and sometimes, just like you said, nothing really helps anymore and all you want to do is just give up on life and end the struggle.
I've been depressed. Yeah, I know - a little girl with a pink cat-in-a-cupcake avatar and a naive personality. I was depressed for years. Maybe five, maybe more. I know, I'm almost eighteen, yet I've spend half of my life being depressed, so I know what you're going through. I know how you struggle to think positive, but your mind just attracts negative and painful thoughts and memories. You can just sit on your bed, doing nothing, and the bad thoughts will come. You can celebrate a birthday, and the thoughts come. You can eat the tastiest meal ever, and then the thoughts come and you can't swallow the food from pain. And sometimes, the only thing that brings you happiness and hope is the fantasy of yourself dying, and the thought of all the people who neglected you crying over your body and regretting their attitude towards you. At least, that's how I felt.
Now, I'm no expert, but since I somehow managed to survive the depression (it was a tough battle and I got myself a few permanent mental scars because of its length), I think I can at least give you some advice on how to keep going, despite the lack of power or desire. I don't know if it'll help you win against depression, but I do know that it'll help you cope with it long enough to find a way to win. Deal? Deal.

1) You like playing JRPGs. Good! Keep doing it. It may look like you're deteriorating because of it, but it's actually giving you a purpose to wake up the next day. You may still feel depressed as fuck, but at least you'll have something to look forward to. Depression makes you feel like nothing matters, and if games are helping you to keep going, then you keep playing those games. You can even find a friend, if it's an online RPG game.

2) Your future looks gray, dull and foggy. You don't know what to do, you don't have any motivation for it, your girlfriend is too busy for you and that's making you even more uneasy, I know. But you know what? As hard and tedious life seems to be right now, it's interesting. Yeah, you read right. It's unpredictable. It's weird. It's scary. And that's making it interesting. You can win something, you can go on a walk or something and accidentally bump into your future best friend, you can wake up one day and realize you're in a totally different world, and no, you won't be on LSD's. Like, seriously - life is fucking unpredictable, and what helped me live is the thought of something like this happening - something amazing, awesome ... Yeah, sure, I suffered from a lot of bullshit and I got ignored just like you, but once in a while, something magnificent happens and it's just worth living to see it. Don't be the guy who went this far only to give up. Be the guy who keeps on going. You'll reach your goal before you know it.

3) Let it go. No, that's not a quote from 'Frozen', I'm serious. You're going to a therapist - great, now try to let it all out. Your shame or frustration or just the lack of motivation - try to let those emotions go and just say whatever you want to say to your therapist. I once told my psychiatrist a masturbation joke. Yeah, she was a little surprised, so to speak, but I felt better. I was like 'You know what? A stupid girl I know is complaining all the time her hand hurts, and I told her it's because she rubs her cunt too much. And I liked it, damn it. I'm proud of myself'. So what if I'm a little sadistic, it's my true self and I have every right to be myself. So, no matter who you are, don't hide it. At least not to your therapist. Just show that person all you've got, if you haven't already, and you'll see that it might just make you feel better. If you keep hiding your your true personality, no one will know the real you and you'll feel ignored unloved and lonely. So just let those emotions out - cry, laugh, fart if you want - just be yourself, at least in front of your therapist. Then show that to a friend. Then another one. Depression makes us too damn insecure to be ourselves, and all of those words and emotions we want to say, yet we don't, are getting bottled up in our hearts and when it explodes, the mental scars will be too many to count. Don't make the same mistake as me. Don't keep yourself locked inside because that bully - Depression - forces you. Just do it.

And now I'm going to end that ridiculously long message with another virtual hug and wish you the very best, as cliche as that may sound. Good luck. It's going to be a tough battle and it's going to be a lonely, long journey, but you have to win. And when you do, it'll be the best fucking feeling ever. Don't you want to live long enough to experience that feeling of defeating depression? It's pretty sweet, man. I'm just saying.

 

Sometimes meds are not the answer, or they need adjusting or changing to get something that works better with you. So have you tried varying the prescriptions or the dose to try another combination?

Sometimes therapy is not the answer, if you have the wrong therapist. Or trying a type of therapy not best suited for you.

Sometimes therapy is not the answer if you are not putting yourself in to it. Or holding back. Or not following advice/ suggestions structured for you in the sessions.

Sometimes regardless of therapies and drugs you just need to start fighting back without any guarantees or promises from doctors or therapists. Like listing out what is not working in your life and taking steady steps to change them around one at a time.

Can you strike out and start doing something a few times a week that is new that is different and just for you? Preferably with others in a group that gets you out of your bedroom. Like a sport, or hiking or a group hobby?

 

Think the responses here have already touched upon anything I could add myself. Going off 'cuppycake's suggestions would say to try focusing more on things you enjoy whether it's the games, reading, music, etc. though not to the total neglect of university-stuff.

And maybe consider whether the relationship between you and your therapist is really getting to the heart of things, or the possibility that while you may get on well that they're not the right 'fit' for you. Imagine it's harder to tell if our therapist is suitable if there isn't an obvious 'dissonance' in the therapeutic relationship, if you get what I mean. In any case, at least try not to hold back as much as possible with them. Can appreciate there are certain subjects we may refrain from being frank about, but that doesn't mean you can't still discuss others or go into how you're feeling and what you'd like to change at the moment.

As far as not having gotten responses right away, 'cuppycake' also hits it on the head that the forum is quite active and there's a lot of turnover in threads. There've been times when I posted one and it didn't get responses for a few days after getting pushed back to the second or third page. Especially now that there are more subforums, so each person's focus is going to be more spread out. On top of that, could be a timezone issue 'cause for me this was posted in the middle of the night and perhaps a lot of the more frequent readers/commenters were offline at the time you originally posted? In any case, don't be disheartened by lack of immediate response. 'Cause afterall, we are replying now. (*hug*)

 

If I may interject, again... do you still feel that the therapist you're currently working with is a good fit but that work needs to be done on the connection with them? 'Cause I understand the thought of not wanting to switch, especially after you've been working with a given one for some time. Though in some cases one really has to consider if they're the right 'shade,' as you mentioned, or not. Not to say this current one isn't, but it's worth keeping in mind.

Going off that whole unpredictability thing, is it possible that things have been feeling too habitual for you during your time at university and that's contributing to the depression, disengagement, etc. you're facing?

Why don't you think that not holding back wouldn't be good? There should be ways to discuss concerns that are deeply important to you in a constructive manner. Maybe it'd be worth talking about this in itself with your therapist, how to discuss things in therapy so you can actually feel progress.

As far as socializing, might consider reflecting on some things like:

What social events/forms of socializing to I enjoy most?

When I've enjoyed interacting with others, what was going on or what made them pleasurable?

Who do I want to develop a connection with and why? Along with: Who do I feel close to and why?

I believe rather than assuming negative feelings and continuing to feed into them, it could be worthwhile to focus on what it is you're looking for or want to feel, when you've felt it, what made those situations unique or different, etc. Hopefully that's of some help.

 

I have a teddy bear that i sleep with and i cant sleep without it, i bring it with me to classes and the teachers dont care, they know its a comfort thing for me, i made arrangements so i could have it, trust me its embarrassing as hell but it does help. I wish you the best of luck.

hugs and kisses
jossete

 

^that's so cute, maybe I should start doing that too.

OP, I also feel depressed, I haven't been to my therapist and I'm dreading it.

 

Thanks :icon_redf

 

Right, I get what you're saying. In these instances it's difficult to know whether it's better to switch or whether things need to 'settle in' more, so to speak. From what you've just said, it sounds that the relationship just requires some working out. If it's not too personal, what sort of things did she suggest which impressed you? Well I'd think complete openness is probably rare, for almost anyone, and regardless it's not something that'll happen during one or two sessions. It requires small steps to build trust with others.

Tedious because, even if they aren't daily, these other things become 'routine' in their own sense? For other things to do, what about getting back into things which have interested you aside from taking walks or going out to dinner. Whether art, playing music, writing, reading, etc. Not necessarily things to do daily, but every so often that it gives variety to what you're doing and by doing them infrequently you might be able to 'savor' the pleasure they give more [tying into the concerns you give later on.]

Had a feeling I worded that awkwardly, but then you know my writing style by now. :lol: Is it just the sense that "nobody . . . [has] an answer to" your concerns, and/or are there deeper anxieties about being vulnerable with others? Even if it's with your therapist.

Personally, I'd be wary of characterizing it as anything in particular just now. Though I understand that you've had difficulty appreciating those sort of things and what it feels like, myself, to an extent. However, having known you for some time, think it's fair to say that you have felt pleasure, engaged, etc. with those same activities from time-to-time. The issue being that it doesn't seem to last, for whatever reasons. In short, I don't believe you're incapable of pleasure, though there've been plenty of times where you've had to 'fake it,' but this could be something to discuss in therapy.

I completely get that, often I've wondered if I only seem to connect well with those who have similar concerns, other depressed or socially anxious individuals, etc. for that empathy piece you mention. Yet at the same time can't say I'd click with anyone like that, 'cause there are more extraverted, well-centered people I enjoy being with as there are the aforementioned who don't 'strike the right chord' with me. If that makes sense.

As far as never being able to find others you can have meaningful conversations with, can you honestly say that there has been no one? Referring to offline, that is. From what I've heard before there have been individuals, but maybe you either distance yourself for fear of vulnerability and/or they pick up on the "fake happy" or thinking you're "bored with them" leading to them not wanting to impose on your company. Wanting to have fulfilling conversations doesn't make you a "posh, arrogant bastard," but would say to be careful of setting such high expectations 'cause when you have friends that click the range of discussion can be quite wide [as both of us should know.]

Even if you haven't had them lately, I trust that you have had such moments in the past and can remember them. Could it be that you undervalue positive moments, acts, memories, etc. and cast them aside? I know, as do I and many other people. At this point I think it's more a matter of how to become happy, rather than simply expect to 'be' so. If the difference is understandable.

 

To anyone reading this, know your not alone

 

Exactly. Which is why it's important for us to remember that being depressed, sad, angry, frustrated or whatever is nothing to be ashamed or blame ourselves about but a valid reaction to things going on outside of and within us. That we shouldn't let it cloud our ability to work on things and become overwhelmed with the feeling no one can relate or our concerns are insolvable. (*hug*)

 

The only reason I don't lose it is my teddy bear. If not I would cry my eyes out. (*hug*)

 

Hey man you should see a therapist! My therapist is a guy and he's awesome!