Hey everyone, I actually just stumbled upon this site while searching up bisexual complications (Or something like that). I feel like I have no one to talk to about my struggle right now. My family is hardcore Christian...my 'friends' mostly all know that I am bi, however...now that I am a mother of two...we let's just say my only friends NOW are really just my online friends, people I play MMOs with. They ALL know I am bi, but I can't REALLY talk to them about my problems because either they can't relate, or things will end up being relayed back to my boyfriend...who is NOT really able to understand, and is easily offended >.>.... Basics about me...I am 24, female, I have two kids, both toddlers. I have known I was bisexual before I knew what gay/straight/bi were. As a young teen I wasn't really attracted to either gender, but I did favor girl company, I sorta had a crush on a chick friend of mine, but by then I was like 14 and knew my mom would kill me so I kept it to myself. By 16 I started to like guys too, got really close to one and pretty much just stuck to dating guys from there (Which has always been a disaster for me >< NOT going in to my chaotic relationship stories). I have had a fling before with a lady friend of mine and I really loved it, however at the time I was already talking to someone(shew as well aware of him) and when I told her I wasn't going to ditch him for her without giving him a chance she sorta flipped. I am currently dating a guy (longest relationship ever for me so far at almost a year and a half). He has been great, he is sweet, loving, gives me tons of back scratches and he is amazing with my kids even though they aren't his. We met online and he moved across the country and works really hard to support us. I am a stay at home mom, jobs here mostly pay min wage(7.25here) and don't give full time, most places are sexist against women..and child care is so expensive x_x It's rough to be a female here. Anyways, my bf and I are pretty good, we have arguments and lots of disagreements but in the end we get over it, fix it, and move on. However...I have been really unhappy....I've been feeling alone..all I want to do is snuggle under a blanket and watch Orange is the new Black...I think about having a girlfriend and snuggling with her and kissing her (I actually don't think of anything more sexual than making out, which is a lil weird.) I crave a woman . It feels like it's getting stronger and I am feeling less attracted to my bf ...or any man. I have never been with a woman as an official relationship. I don't know if I would really like it that much after a while, or if I would miss being with a man. If I leave my boyfriend I would be making life REALLY hard for me and my kids for a good while til I could really get settled in somewhere, I don't really have anywhere to go..I mean sure if something came up like him beating me, I could live with my mom who is already struggling with her sicknesses, age, and raising my nieces in a TINY apartment in the ghetto... My bf knows I am bi, and is fine with it, he even said he is open to me getting a bi girlfriend who wants to date both of us...but I am a one person gal, I don't want to date two people, besides...I don't get out to meet a girl because I am a stay at home mom. If I left, my mom would be able to watch my kids so I can work,it would be rough though for her, for me, and for my kids...but I would be able to meet new people...but I don't know if it's worth the struggle I don't know what to do. Maybe my bf and I are just getting dull and I am getting bored...maybe it's a phase and I'll go back to normal...but maybe it isn't...maybe being with a girl isn't really what I would want, but it might be. I also know if I were to go for it, my mom would hate me, everyone who makes my life possible would pretty much hate me. Maybe it's not even so much..me craving a girl..but maybe I just need someone who is just less...idk...My bf has a way of thinking that bothers me...like lesbians are hot, gay guys are gross...raping a girl in booty shorts is wrong but she was asking for it...I am a natural flirt but I don't let things get to far, I will joke with both genders, he is ok if I flirt with a girl but just a few dick jokes with my dude gamer friends and he gets angry I'm sorry I think I am just ranting, maybe I don't really need advice and I just have to vent because I am too chicken to leave and face the world alone..I needed to get it all out because there's no one else I can really talk to about it. I did talk about this a little with my bf, I told him even if I was ok with bringing someone in to the relationship, I dont get out to meet people, and this is a super christian area, most people dont want to come out X_x he said I should find an online girlfriend then..but I don't like long distance...but again...two people is sorta a no no for me >-< I HATE being bi! I wish I could just be gay or straight ><:icon_redf To anyone who read all this, thanks for technically listening.
I'm sorry most people around you are homophobic, that's very frustrating. You always can come here to vent and chat with like-minded people when you feel like it. I don't really have any advice for you, but here's a hug instead. (*hug*)
