So y'all have seen whats going on lately. It has been incredibly painful, but now I see, it's so much worse than I thought. So I knew my parents were spying on me, and I spied back. What I found has basically shattered any hope I had left. Every person who I thought supported me. Every extended family who said they were at least ok with it, were lying. Those who weren't were messaged by my parents, and they ALL are on their side now. I have nobody left besides y'all. The one family member who I thought was with me, turns out she had been messaging my mom saying I am listening to Satan's Lies. Everything I do seems meaningless. Why do I do anything? No matter what people say anymore, its all lies. Nothing is the truth, because being who I really am apparently is wrong. And everyone saying I'm an attention whore. I really am in so much pain, but people think I only want this. I had one friend that has offered to help me start a gofundme, but my parents tell him that it was MY fault that I dont have a bed. That I am really a man, just listening to lies. Everyone thinks I dont have a job because I'm lazy but... I really try to get my work going. I really do. I thought I was alone before...but this...this is so much more than I thought was possible. I cant stop cutting. I cant stop wanting to die, but being too much of a coward to do it. Everything hurts all the time, and so much of everything is people lying to me, and going behind my back. I wanted to be able to survive, to be myself. But every single person Ive ever known is against it. WHy is it that in a world this big, I am so alone and scared. Nobody sees my pain, or knows what lengths Ive gone to try to end it all. Its NOT attention I want, all I want is to die or by some miracle for things to get even slightly better. But no, no nothing goes right for me. Every night I open the window and think about falling. Every day I daydream just to leave my life. I really cant take this. Its not attention I want. I just want a friend I can trust. But not only do I have no friends, even if I did my parents would go behind my back to destroy it. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant think. At least people used to respect me, but now I see people just message my parents and just slam me, and call me worthless. I bring up anything about me and people roll their eyes and just walk away. I cant stop crying. I try to scream but I cant anymore. Ive tried closing my eyes while driving but of course I was too much of a coward. Ive leaned out the window, just 2 inches away from finally doing something right. Ive cut my neck, but never could cut deep enough. I have rope but nothing to tie it to. People even say I want to be in misery, and don't want to be happy. People telling my mom and dad this isn't who I am, and that I should grow up and "be a man". I can't post anything on any social media because there are so many people who report back to my parents then they lie about me. Ive tried to cut my...thing...off, just so I could die of blood loss and finally be rid of it. But I ALWAYS chicken out. I hate my body, I hate my life, and I hate that I am too much of a freaking coward to end this horrible excuse of a life. I feel like Im in a separate plane of existence, and nobody is within reach. Im surrounded by people, but so alone. ALSO, my one family member, my aunt who said she accepted me...guess what?? It was a lie too! She only offered to take me in, because she thought I would listen to her instead of my parents and she would try to teach me the errors of my ways. My life is just a big sad joke.
I know they'd probably be mad at you spying but you could point out that you're not only listening to satan's LIES but theirs too apparently
A few points. 1. You dont want to try and kill yourself, Especially by trying to cut your own throat. Seriously you have a good few inches of flesh and tendons before you get to anything more fatal. Then theres the mess, not worth thinking about 2. Does he not want to set you up with an account anymore? If not then he is a shitty sounding friend, If he does then for gods sake do it. You can always get someone you trust on here to do it for ye. 3.Yeah life sucks sometimes. I have been where you are however in my case it was my own beliefs that put me there. The problem I had was that I had built up what my idea of the afterlife is so much that real life just couldnt cut it anymore. I dont know what changed for me but something did. I now dream of the future, I dream of my first kiss with a Girl, I dream of my first kiss with a Boy (Super excited for that one xD),I dream for sucess in my career, I dream of the day when I can truly help people like you. We dont know what the future holds the same way we dont know what happens after we die. I really hate it when people say that this life is what you make of it, Mostly I think that is because the bastards are probably right. When you are alive, you have low times (It sounds like you have only had low times) but we dont live for the shitty times, we live for the wonderful times, the same ones you have yet to experience, the same ones that you wouldnt get to experience if you kill youself! Three years ago I was a complete cunt. Like seriously, I remember talking to my friends about how much I hate Gay people and how Bisexuals are just greedy. I spent my time thinking about how it is a choice to make youself stand out from everyone else and that femenine gay guys were the scum of the earth. Look at me now, I certainly like to believe that I have changed allot over the course of three years. I have gone from actively hating LGBT to fighting tooth and nail for our cause. After experencing the changes that I have gone through it has opened my eyes to just how much things can change in a very short period of time. While I dont think that your parents will change, I do believe that your situation will. I would hate to see you end it all when the good times are right around the corner. Oh and about your friends. We are here, We arent just words on a screen. We are people who care as much about your wellbeing as we do our own. Personally I dont think that I have ever grown as attached to someone elses problems as I have done with your blight. I dont want you to kill yourself because one day I am going to come to america, I am going to travel around abit getting nice and fat from all the food, then Im going to see you Dark Knight Rises style sitting across a restaurant with your significant other who appreciates you for who you truly are. Im even going to dress like Alfred. Then Im going to get the hypothetical cane out of the closet and give all of the bigots in america a damn good thrashing! You are in my thoughts (*hug*) and ultimately remember (I have taken to wearing a purple poncho with sparkly flowers on it. It is much more fun to wear when you dont care what other people think about you, Dey be jelly of my sparkles.) ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2014 at 02:40 AM ---------- And for fuck sake dont cut your gentleman sausage off, You can move here and get it done free on the NHS if you become a citizen. We (Mostly) love you for who you are!
Stay alive, artist. Stay alive. Please. <3 There will come a time in your life where everything is going right. You'll be free to be who you are and be with who you want. Life will not only seem easy it will also be fulfilling. You'll be awakened by sweet smells and playful sounds in the morning, spend your days exploring the world, yourself, and the people around you, and spend your nights safe in your own home. There will be no more tears, no more pain. But to get there you have to do one thing and one thing only. Stay alive. Please just make it day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if you have to. Just keep yourself safe. There is no telling what kind of opportunities lay ahead just around the corner for you. Commit yourself to staying alive. Allow yourself to be the strong human being you know that you are. And for goodness sakes, keep posting on the forums!
(*hug*) Keep going, Artist. We all care about you a lot and support you to the fullest! I know life sucks, but that just means it's due to get better soon! Remember: Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny...- C.S.Lewis. That's one of my favorite quotes. I don't know how much it'll mean to you, but hopefully it picks you up at least a little. You can do it, I promise! <3
I hope that you'll find a way through this and that one day you'll find yourself surrounded by people who accept you as a woman. It may be a difficult journey to get there, but I hope you'll fight through the pain to get there.
I swear, y'all are the best. Every time I come on EmptyClosets, its like I'm talking to my real family. And I dont mean the family I was born into, but the one that I really need. I'll try my best not to anything rash, at least for now.
(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
Keep in mind that your family are those people who treat you as family, not necessarily those who you share DNA with.
If I were in your position, I think I would have cracked a long time ago. You are so strong, and we're all here to support you! (&&&) (*hug*) I know I've said it already, but you are beautiful as a girl, and I bet some guy will be lucky to have you someday. Keep up the fight!(*hug*)
There will be a day, artist, when you can be totally independent. Free to do what you want. It is incredibly painful that your family aren't supportive, I can't imagine that pain, but they can't stop you from being who you are. It may not be today or tomorrow, but your day will come. You will walk out of the house and start your new life. But please, please, live to see that day. It will be worth it.
That's really shitty. With any luck, over time they'll get the message, but until then, feel free to come here and vent all you want. As for the gofundme, you could probably get someone on here to do it for you. Good luck!
My friend, it is my greatest hope that you have and will continue to press on and get through these deep waters. I assure you that the day WILL come when you reach the shore, and it will be beautiful. It is worth sticking around for. I don't know what your faith is, but I am a Christian. I will pray for you.
Hi artist from the start of reading about the troubles you are going through, I've had this vision of you, in the future, living a happy and fulfilled life in an lgbt-friendly city, where your parents and the other relatives who have let you down, can't hurt you anymore. I think a lot of us are kind of determined that this become a reality for you some day. Our thoughts are with you... (*hug*) As for this 'satans lies' argument, I really don't know where to start with this, there's so much I could say to refute this nonsense...ok how about, "who commits more genocide, killing, and general nasty, prideful, vengeful behaviour throughout the entire Bible: the JudeoChristian 'god', or his supposed 'adversary', satan?" Of course we all know the answer to that one. But I think we can safely just dump the whole lot...gods, devils, outdated mythologies, etc - and just go with what we actually know for sure - which is that there just isn't anything even remotely 'wrong' with being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. It's all good, always was, always will be. Damien. x
Ohh Hun, please.. Don't hurt yourself.. I am only new here but have been reading your posts and following what you have been writing and hoping that somehow you will manage to find a way out of there.. I think as you can see, you have many people who are here for you and who care for you.. I am almost in tears reading of your situation, please just know there is people out there who care and I am glad you do find some peace here and feel you are talking to family.. Just take it day by day, I still think you need to try to do whatever you can to get out of that environment, especially if your parents have basically turned everyone against you.. ~big big hugs to you~ I wish I could just do more for you then just give supporting and comforting words, I really feel for you and wish there was more I could do personally for you.. Just hang in there xx
