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Suppressing emotions . . .

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Tardis221B, Sep 10, 2014.

  1. Tardis221B

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    So I know this is a terrible thing to do, but it happened, and I just can't seem to open myself up to my feelings. I'm gay I know that, but I can't seem to let myself feel anything anymore.

    And it's awful. The two beautiful wonderful women who I have feelings for, unfortunately happen to be my two closest straight female friends. I refuse to even let myself imagine being with them because I know that it would never happen, and I don't want to have these feelings grow any stronger than they already are. One friend I just have a small crush on, but the other *hindsight bias here* I've been in love with for almost 4 years. When I start to picture us together, it becomes way too overwhelming emotionally, so I just push the thought even further away and shut off the feelings. Instead of facing my emotions I've chosen to ignore them, and as time passes I can feel them growing stronger and more overwhelming even though I try to block them out.

    It sucks. Either way I'm going to feel hurt. The first option is feel the emotions like a mature individual, and not risk having an emotional melt down. And the second (which seems to be what is happening right now) is continue to suppress and ignore the feelings and push away any thoughts I have of her, which will inevitably end badly.

    As I type this out I can feel my emotions building up in my subconscious, ready to boil over at any time, and I don't want that to happen.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to stop hiding from your feelings? I've accepted I'm gay but I can't accept that I'm in love with my best friend. Its too painful. :help:
     
    #1 Tardis221B, Sep 10, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2014
  2. Nekokoneko

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    I think it's really easy to fall in love with the wrong person. I've been in love with the wrong person for two years now and the fact he's with someone else has pushed my anxiety and depression to the absolute maximum level and I've become physically ill because of it. He's completely wrong for me and he's my good friend and that's how our relationship should always be. I know his feelings for me are not the same as mine are for him and I don't think they ever will be. To get over him I am always reminding myself of the numerous incompatible qualities that he has and how those would make our theoretical romantic relationship end in a horrible mess. In the end, his friendship is invaluable to me that I don't want to risk losing it. Maybe you could do that too? I don't think it's very good to bottle up your feelings, hang in there <3
     
  3. Michael

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    First ask yourself if you can afford emotionally to keep feeling like this. If you tell your friend, you might risk to lose her (should not happen if the friendship is a solid one).
    Don't think that to tell the truth will automatically bring disaster. You are convinced you don't have a chance, but... what if you do have one?

    I ended up having amazing sex with my best friend. We never told each other openly we were bisexual, it just happened and it felt very natural, there was no pressure or shame afterwards, it felt just great.
    I still have feelings for her, and I always will, but I had to put some distance between us because I knew that it would never work (don't feel comfortable about the idea of having a long term relationship with her, and I don't think I am what she needs)

    On the other hand, if you don't act, the situation will not change by itself.

    Best of luck, be brave (*hug*)
     
  4. Tudor

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    I find it helps to write it all down...you don't need show anybody it...you can destroy it once you've finished...but sometimes it can help to let your thoughts and feelings automatically flow onto the paper instead of building up inside...hope you find some way to work through it