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Feeling Trapped Forever

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by PanicAtTheDisco, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. PanicAtTheDisco

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    Hello everyone,
    I am a 18 year old gay female and I just feel extremely frustrated. This might be more information than you would want, but in the last year I have had this incredible desire to be intimate with a girl. A good percentage of the time I am really turned on, and I am have yearning to have a relationship with a girl. The problem? Well, for one I am not entirely sure I could even get a girlfriend. I live in a really conservative and small town. Plus, I really feel shitty about my looks so I doubt someone would even want to date me. Not to mention I am extremely awkward and probably couldn't hold someones interest with conversation until I felt comfortable with them. If all that isn't enough, I am feeling like I'm going to be trapped in the closet forever. I've accepted being gay a long time ago, but I just don't want everything as I know it to change. I know my family has extremely off and inaccurate perceptions of gay and lesbians. If even I do manage to get a girlfriend, it would be SO UNFAIR to expect her to keep our relationship hidden. I would rather suffer and be lonely than do that to someone. Some small things really bother me too. For example, one of my best friends constantly swoons over Alex Gaskarth and I feel this pressure to do so too. Like, I respect him and love him for what he writes but no further. In the mean time, I want to write paragraphs about why Tay Jardine or Jenna McDougall are insanely attractive to me. I am just so frustrated... mentally, emotionally, and sexually.......fuck. Sorry if there are loads of typos and things that don't make sense. It is 5:33 AM and I am feeling delirious and trapped.
     
    #1 PanicAtTheDisco, Sep 11, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2014
  2. Sepina

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't say that about yourself, you're beautiful and remember that. And don't hold back on spilling out your guts, thats what EC is for!. I guess I can't reallly say anything as I havent been in this kind of situation before but are there any sort of LGBT support centres nearby? or something like them?. You can get GREAT advice and maybe make life-long friends there too! and don't worry about your typos.. I'm not too good either :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Be strong my friend!
     
  3. NDark

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    All of my friends are just as awkward as I, and we love each other for it. My advice is to just keep looking. Ever since I expressed an interest in finding a girlfriend, it seems like every third girl I pass on the street has short hair and other lesbian stereotypes. Pretty much, if you pay attention to the idea of getting a girlfriend, your brain'll start picking out the lesbian chicks from a crowd.

    Another tip I have – if you meet someone who pings your gaydar, come out to them. From my experience, it makes it easier for them to come out, too. And even if you aren't in a relationship, you could still be intimate. For example, I used to cuddle with my straight friend for as long as I wanted, and two bi girls I've met at summer camp slept with me.