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Online dating disaster? (Very awkward :I)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Seanathan, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. Seanathan

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    So me and another friend of mine decided to join this dating website for the lolz of it. However, we ended up finding someone from our school who was on it too. Same first name, last name, and profile pic. :I We didn't know what to do, but because my friend was friends with him, I decided I would message him too to see if like, he was okay or out or needed help because our school is kind of conservative like that. And I thought even if he doesn't we heard he was moving so it wasn't a big deal, right?

    WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL....

    My friend moved. And turns out the one guy we found wasn't moving. And he's in 3/7 of my classes. :I And he knows. I can just tell. He knows I caught him on there, because he's been acting really casual with everyone else, EXCEPT me. And he asked me for what my name was, even though he already knows it (we're six weeks into school) and he whispered in my ear today behind me "We're cool bro."

    UHG. There's really no problem here. SO WHY DO I FEEL SO AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSED about it??? :frowning2:(( ANY ADVICE???

    P.S. I don't think he's out, but I am. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #1 Seanathan, Sep 12, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2014
  2. AKTodd

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    Possibly because people tend to treat things like dating services/sites/etc. as both public and semi-private things? Maybe this is sort of the virtual equivalent of running into someone you only sort of know at a gay bar?

    In principle, it shouldn't make any more difference than if you ran into him at a convenience store. But people aren't generally fully rational about these things, probably because (whether people want to admit it or not), there is an element of sex (real or potential) involved and a lot of folks get strange about that.

    If he's not out, respect his privacy and move on. If you're out, then there's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about or hide, and since 'you're cool' apparently, just move on.

    If he wants to get to know you, either in terms of support/friendship or because he likes you...decide what to do based on what you feel is the best course of action based on your values and how you feel about him.

    Todd
     
  3. RedDev84

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    AKTodd pretty much hit the nail.

    One reason I've previously been reluctant about dating sites is actually because of the possibility of this situation!

    That said, my main reason for feeling that way is because I'm not really out to anyone. If people are going to find out, I'm not sure that's the way I want it to be. I suppose the chances are that anyone who found me on there is likely to be gay themselves though, why else would they be on that site?

    For your situation, Seanathan, I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about at all. As Todd said, don't out the other guy and respect his privacy, but it sounds like you're concerning about something that's already pretty much sorted here :slight_smile:
     
  4. Seanathan

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    Ugh I'll try not to be so embarrassed about it -3-' Though It's just really awkward because he's really gorgeous and popular too and im just a nerd so it's just...interesting. I would never out him, that's his matter to deal with I'm just, idk. It's weird because I don't know what he thinks or his position on this or what he thinks of ME, or what. I kind of feel like he's like "great this wimpy gay nerd knows ugh" :///
     
    #4 Seanathan, Sep 12, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2014
  5. RedDev84

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    I think "we're cool bro" is enough clarification to suggest that he's not panicking at the fact you know. It might even improve your friendship with him.

    Additionally, if you were a wimpy gay nerd, do you think he'd be at all bothered about the fact you knew? I doubt it. The fact he felt the need to clarify the situation that "we're cool" suggests to me it does matter to him & therefore you're not just a wimpy gay nerd.

    Might be worth talking to this guy if you get the chance. If all goes well it will probably make you both feel more comfortable.
     
  6. Monraffe

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    I'm kind of surprised at you take on his, "we're cool bro" comment. He likes you dude! Plain and simple.
     
  7. AKTodd

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    Couple of thoughts here:

    First, you said that your friend (who presumably likes you) was friends with him. Which presumably means that this guy likes your friend. Which means it is certainly within the bounds of possibility that you might like each other, and be friends. While it's not a given (friendship and its sources from person to person can be a complex thing), it's also not a foregone conclusion that he could never like you.

    Second, you both do have something in common - you are non-straight guys. While sexual orientation is somewhat iffy (all by itself) to build a friendship on, it is also a point of commonality. If nothing else, there is the potential for one or both of you to have another person in your life who can relate to this aspect of your lives. For him, it may be a first step toward eventually coming out. Or at least having someone to talk to. No guarantees, of course, but its a possibility.

    Todd
     
  8. Seanathan

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    Hmm, I never thought of it that way. Allrightie then, thanks for your help!