So, I'm currently in a situation where I am not out at all to anyone, in fact, I don't even know exactly what I am at this point, but there are opportunities coming up soon for LGBTQ people to meet up at my school, just to get to know each other since school is just starting, so it's sort of like a beginning of the year meet and greet event. I have always wanted to meet and make some good gay/bi friends, but am apprehensive about going to these meetings in danger of bumping into someone I know, and also be assumed gay simply by association or attending these events. It's difficult even now for me to write about this here, and I guess one of the reasons I am so paranoid about this, is because potentially there WILL be acquaintances that are gay who know me, and there is a very high chance that they will be at these events, and I'm just worried about how this might spread rumors about me and the fall out from this. It's tough cause I'm not ready for anyone else to know that I'm in a questioning phase... but at the same time, I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this. I know this isn't even really a question, but I just need some advice, or someone to talk to/discuss this, and whether I should even go or not, or what is holding me back, and whether I should even care about what others think. It's easy to say, don't care about what others think, but it's much easier said than done, sorry for the long post, but any thoughts, comments, advice, or support would be greatly appreciated!
Do you know any of the gay acquaintances you mention well enough to just arrange a one-on-one meeting with them where you could then explain your situation to them and get to know them as a friend? Would hopefully get you the friendship you're looking for, without the larger and more public situation that is concerning you. Todd
It's very complicated, and no, I don't think that would work, I haven't actually seen or talked to him in over a year now almost except for one random encounter, I bumped into him on campus. And I assume one of them has a high chance of being there, but still, who knows if he will even show up?! The other thing I'm concerned with is not knowing anyone there to begin with, which is kind of the whole purpose of a meet n greet, but already being uncomfortable with my attraction to guys, it's unsettling, since most of the guys there will most likely be out, while I'm not, and that being said, I will probably just be assumed that I am gay since I'm there, and it's a small world... so this type of news may easily travel back to my own groups of friends. However, I am starting to realize, if I never get over this fear, it will never get better, which is why I wanted to initially make some gay/bi friends, so I'm leaning towards going now, just wanted to come online and write it down in words haha.
