I want to die.

Do you want to die? Or do you want to stop hurting?

What is hurting you? You don't have to tell us if you can't or don't want to - but acknowledge it. Look at it straight in the face. And understand why - why you are feeling this way.

I'm sure you have heard this before: 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary solution'. And I understand - this does not seem temporary. I understand that everything seems hopeless and dark and just generally disgusting.

But what you want is not to die. What you want is to be happy. What you want is this pain to stop.

But how? How can you stop this pain? How can you be happy?

It's not that easy. You're not going to miraculously feel better after you read the responses to this thread. Your problems will still be there, lingering.

And maybe that scares you. Maybe it doesn't.

So how? How do you get rid of the pain? How do you become happier?

The answer: You live.

Simple, but extremely, excruciatingly difficult, isn't it? Most of us understand that. But realize, if you die, the chance of becoming happy, of living a better, wonderful life - diminishes to absolute zero.

0%. Nada. Impossible.

But when you stay alive, the chance goes back up again. There's that chance - and it may seem small, but it's there. It's there and it's just waiting for you to take it.

Separate yourself for a second. Pretend, for one tiny, teensy moment, that you are someone else, and this person, Leo, is hurting.

What will you say to him?
Will you tell him to kill himself too?

Ask yourself this. What do you want?

What do you really, really, really, really want?

Do you want to fly a plane? Do you want to climb Mt. Everest? Do you want to complete your conlang? Do you want to graduate college? Do you want to get a cat? Do you want to learn how to code? Do you want to visit Costa Rica? Do you want to go to the moon?

What do you really, really, really, really want?

And maybe, maybe you're thinking, "I won't be able to do them anyway."

But do you know that?
How do you know it won't get better?
How do you know you won't reach your goals and complete your wishes?

You don't know - until you decide to kill yourself. Because then, all that will go away.

So, listen. Maybe you don't believe in yourself right now. Maybe you feel as if you're a terrible, awful person. But we don't think so, and we believe in you.

We do.

We believe in you.

Yes, you can do it.
Yes, you can survive.
Yes, you can.

You can.

You can.

(*hug*)

 

Don't you dare. Don't you Fucking dare. Stay with us. I love you to bits you huggable little lion and the stress you cause me from this is so small and so outweighed by the joy you bring me on a daily basis, don't think that you dying will make it better. It makes it worse for everyone. Stay, one more night and then one more night after that and then one more after that. Keep saying "one more night" every day forever and never give im. Never ever give in. Never ever ever give in. Because I'm here for you when you feel down and ready to hold you on my shoulders like atlas holds the world. I willing come and help you because I know that you're better off alive than dead. Because I want to be there when you find your true love, I want to be a guest to your marriage, I want to be there for you whenever you may need me. Whenever. It doesn't get me down, it makes me feel better, because I know that in helping you. You hear me? Every time you say you're feeling good is a victory and every time you feel like this it means that there is a battle to be won. You may feel like you're on your own, fighting on the front line, but I'm there, beside you, helping you move forward and helping you make through it alive. Never leave me.

 

You can. You can, you can, you can, you can.

And how do you know the pain will be temporary? How do you know?

Do you understand how haunting it will be, for Isan and everyone else affected by your death? The loss of a life is not something you can take lightly.

I, too, used to think that my death would cause temporary sadness. But it's not temporary. You can move on with things like this, but you can never get over it.

If you go, every time he, someone, thinks of you, they will hurt. They will hurt, because you, too, were hurting before you took your life - they will relive every moment of it, they will regret, they will feel guilty, they will remember.

Isan does not want you to go. I don't want you to go. We don't want you to go. And you don't want you to go.

You don't.

Do you want to be happy, then? Ask yourself that.

Do you want to be happy?

Do you want to be happy?

Yes, you do. And you don't want the pain, either.

You want relief. And you know what? Death won't relieve you of your pain. Because you're dead. And relief is a feeling, a state of mind. And for that, you need to be alive.

Can you imagine? Your life without pain. Can you imagine how it feels like to be happier, to live contently?

Maybe so. Maybe not.

But that, that is possible. And yes, you can. You can do this. I know you can. So does Isan. So does the rest of this forum, everyone reading, knows that you can do this.

And the pain of losing someone you love? Temporary? No... no, it's not temporary. It's permanent. It's like a scar. A deep, agonizing, excruciatingly painful scar that will never, ever heal.

We don't want you dead. We want you to be happy. And don't you?

EDIT: And, this is not a waste of my time or anyone else's. If I am able to comfort you, if I am able to show you that one other person cares, then it's not a waste of my time. Ever.

Never apologize for reaching out, okay? We're here to help, support, and comfort you. Maybe we will fail in doing so, but dammit, we will try. We will try our best.

So don't be sorry. We love you. You are not alone. We are fighting the very same war here, Leo, and some of us are fighting the same battle. No one wants to lose a friend.

 

Try your hardest. You can do it. I know you can. It's one of the few things I do know. The world needs you. It needs you for many things. The things you do, the things you say, the things you mean to people. You know who'll feel guilty when you die? Me. Because I wasn't able to stop you. Because I wasn't able to help you. Because I want able to bring you back to the light. But it's not going to be the way, is it? You're going to promise me you're going to stay here. If you can't do it for yourself, start by doing it for me and them the reasons you need to stay for yourself will become obvious. I want to see you here every day. I want you to tell me very story, anecdote, funny thing from school, then I'll tell you mine. Then we'll work on our conlang and we'll play some games and we'll joke and have fun. That is going to happen. You can promise me that, right? If I mean that much then surely talking to me is good enough a reason to stay alive.

 

But have you tried for yourself?

Isan cannot replace you. No one can.

And you are not forgettable. Every single conversation I've had with someone who was considering suicide - I remember. And when we are disconnected, I often wonder - are they okay? What happened? Where are they now?

You will be no exception.

"Any other person would listen to my advice"? If that was true, I would have never come onto this site. I would be able to support myself. But I can't.

When you're suicidal, words seem lost on you. You get tired. You are exhausted. You just want to end it. I understand that.

But at those times, it's because you're taking everything we say as one big chunk of text.

Don't.

Stop. Read it carefully. Listen to every word. Reread a sentence if you have to.

And who are you to say that, that people like you should die? Did you hear what Isan said?

You make him happy, Leo, and with your death, this joy will be gone.

You can't be replaced. Ever. And that's because you are so great - and unforgettable.

Leo - lion. A lion is a symbol of bravery and confidence and strength. You are not a coward. You are not weak. You are strong. And you can do this. You CAN. I will repeat it a million times if I have to. I will repeat it endlessly if I have to.

We're in this together. All of us. Life is hard and rough, but it can be gentle and sweet. Right now, it's trying to tear you apart. Don't let it.

Isan is right with this one - tell yourself that you will give yourself one more day before you kill yourself. Then tell yourself the same thing tomorrow. And the day after that. Keep living, keep fighting, keep holding on, because you can.

You can.
You can.

You can, you can, you can.

 

No.

You can do this, Leo.

You can.

Please stop for a moment and touch something. Anything. Your face, your desk, the screen - consciously do that and feel the texture, feel the heat or coldness - feel how it feels.

Do it.

Do it now.

And if you can do it, which I know you can, then you still have control. You're in power, Leo. You are not a lost cause. You can take control of this. You can do this. You can survive. You can live. And you can be happy.

 

Don't give in. Don't give in. The pain is temporary but if you commit suicide than the silence is eternal. If you live then the pain will end. I promise it will. I will ensure that it will. Hang in there. Day in day out, when you feel like this, remember, I'm with you, I'm pulling you up when you fall down. Sometimes you may be heavier than usual but I still heave to get you up. Remember that Nych is doing the same, remember that everyone here is working together to pull you up and pull you together. The pain will end, you just have to bear it long enough for it to fade into happiness. Not into silence.

 

I cant pretend that I know what you are going through however I do know that death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities and 13 is very young!

I wanted to die, Like I really wanted to die yet as you can probably tell I didnt for some reason. I cant tell you what that reason is exactly as I havent got a clue what It is myself. If I had to guess I would say that as you get older (providing you follow your heart) happiness seems to find you, you kind of get to a point where everything falls into place and life becomes worth living.

I dont know you, I dont know what you are like and most importantly I dont know what you are going through. But I DO care. Humans are funny like that, We want to live by eachothers happiness not misery.

Let us help you!

 

Your face may burn now but it won't later. It won't when you overcome this. It won't when you let us help you. It won't when you push those nasty thoughts away and think about nice things.

 

And I know. I know it's difficult. I know it feels impossible. I know it's not as easy as thinking positively because that is, in fact, impossible right now.

But I need you to listen to us. Listen to Isan. Hold on. Keep fighting. Trust us. If you don't trust us in anything else, trust us on this.

You can do it. You can.

You can.

 

You can! I know you can! Come on my loveable little lion, together, all of us. Each day may be a battle, but we sure as all hell are going to win.

 

Go outside, look up at the sky and breathe. Just breathe. Feel the air filling you up. Savor the sense of the air going In, and out. think about nothing but your breathing and the stars if you can see them. Feel the cool night air on your skin as you empty your mind and calm your thoughts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKsEqFgKhoA

Stick this on while you are talking to us and let the music calm your mind, It certainly helps me calm all those nastly little thoughts

 

You don't want to die, Leo. You want to be happy.