I want to kill myself

Hey, hang in there...I'll be praying for ya

 

Hi,

you don't say how old you are. I know that people of all ages have thoughts like this, but when you are older you have different kinds of experiences and possibilities.

 

(*hug*)

 

I believe we create our own destiny, and I care. I'm sure a lot of other people care too, but you let your fear, doubt, and pain blind you. I was suicidal before, so don't think I don't know the feeling. You feel like you have no one, no future, no point to keep on living, but that's a lie. You're in a dark place right now, but you need to wake up. Don't let fear control your life, and definitely don't let fear end it. So what if people know you're gay? So what if you're hit with problem after problem after problem? Death isn't the solution, and these problems won't last forever. I may not know you in person, but I know that you can get through this. Do you think I care if you made mistakes in the past or if you have a history of violence? I don't care about your mistakes, and I believe everyone has darkness in their lives at some point. Don't end your life, please hang in there. I don't need to know you in person or know everything that you have done to care about you. You must stay strong and keep on fighting. Surviving will be worth it in the end, trust me.

I lived in hell for the first 18 years of my life, and when I say hell, I mean HELL. I know you can get through this, but you can't give up. In time, you are going to make it through this, and you'll find your soulmate. Don't be ashamed of who you are, and don't be chained by your past. Work towards a brighter future and never give up. Please stick around and survive, and please feel free to contact me whenever you feel the need to talk to someone about anything. Killing yourself is the worst possible option and should never even be considered an option, and if you do that, then everything you have done and faced up to this point will be for nothing. Please stay strong my friend, and do not give up. And remember, all the darkness in existence is not strong enough to extinguish even the tiniest of lights. I truly do care, please don't do this. It will be your biggest mistake, and you won't be able to come back from it. Whether you realize it or not, you are better than this, and always will be. You will never be worthless.

 

Hi Sam,

I hope you do not act on such an idea. Life can serve us up some pretty excruciating situations and times, but these things always pass, eventually. If you find a way to try to nurture and be kind to your own self at this time, you might find that, although it's a difficult period in your life, that it will be more endurable. Just as even the darkest night must eventually give way to the dawn, so too does distress eventually give way to happiness. That's the nature of things, that nothing is lasting or permanent, and that things always change. You will be happier again, but you need to stick around to see that happen. I hope you have a counsellor you can talk to, I mean I myself rely on this, I see a counsellor once a week at present. It's important especially for someone in your situation. Anyway, just want to tell you, yes I know what some of the things you mentioned feel like, I hear you, and to whatever extent a stranger who just sees words written on a page can, I do care; because we share a common humanity, we all get to experience sorrow from time to time, to varying degrees, but that is one thing most of us can relate to. Wishing you strength, and hoping you can find a spark of goodwill in your heart for your own distressed self, and nurture it, fan it into a flame, until it grows into love,
Damien. (*hug*)

 

I care, I really care. I think all of you guys who are struggling with life are the only reason I still come here (That and how damn friendly everyone is).

Everyones coming out experience is different in its own way. For some of us it comes very easily, Others find it much more complicated. It sounds like you are in a similar sort of boat to me where the most diffucult part about the whole process is accepting it yourself and coming to peace with it.

As for death, You dont need to worry about that. Death comes for everyone in the end so you might aswell get your fill of this place while you're here, we dont have a clue what comes next but it is coming wether we like it or not. There is not much point trying to speed up the inevitable, the point is to make the most of everything. I really hate to say it because people use it as an excuse to act stupid and get pissed but YOLO (That we know)

 

OKay first of all I didn't bother reading your post as the title was enough.

Do you know how selfish that is? Do you? like seriously it is not worth it. PERIOD. I am holding back myself because this is making me upset.Um, I don't really know what to say, other than do not do it. it's so not worth it

 

Hey there..

I hope you are able to get through this darkness and see the light on the other side.. I think perhaps if you aren't already, you should talk to someone professionally about your thoughts and feelings.. You can always vent here as well, you will always have support here.. Big hugs to you.

 

In my experience, calling someone selfish is, more often than not, a rhetorical ploy to attempt to put them on the defensive, based on the popular notion in our culture that selfishness is some sort of ultimate sin and 'selflessness' (in this case meaning doing whatever the accuser wants you to do) is some sort of ultimate virtue.

Not being a particularly virtuous person, and having little patience with this sort of personality, I will usually respond to this sort of attack by agreeing wholeheartedly that I am indeed quite selfish and truly, consider the accuser (and most everyone else on the planet, really) to have no other purpose or value in existence than to service me. It's a hoot to watch them splutter in outrage and shock in response

Sam2, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time right now. Don't know if you've seen it already, or if it will help, but I responded to your other recent post (what am I doing to myself?) today with some thoughts I hope might be helpful.

Take care,

Todd

 

Give these guys a call. They should be able to refer you to an american counter part which might be able to help with some sort of counseling.

Samaritans | Samaritans

 

God made you perfect just the way you are. He gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. You'll make it through this, just don't give up baby, keep going.

 

nooooooooooooo never kill yourself its not worth it. there is so much good in the world and yourself you might have to look for it though but things will get better they always do. don't be another statistic we have to many of those. I have been really suicidal in the past and felt like there was no hope but now its like it was just a bad dream and I got through it. you just have to be strong and not lose hope. I promiseeeeee that things will get better

 

Sam, I'm really pleased you have taken the time to post about your thoughts and feelings on here. For the most part, other EC members have responded with warmth, love and support. When you are in a low and dark place, where everything in life seems wrong and hopeless (and I truly believe you do feel that way) it can mean a lot to read affirming comments as a reminder that people do indeed care. I'm sure you would appreciate a few comments and reminders like this off forum.

The voices within you may be saying something quite different, but the mere fact that you are posting here suggests to me that you have an inner (maybe unconscious) desire to fight against those voices. Keep posting Sam, cos we'll do all that we can to help you in that fight.

I read your original posting very carefully and considered all of the words you used. I see a guy who is so low on hope that he is constantly berating himself. Just read it again and see all of the negative things you have to say about yourself - all of the self loathing and name calling. I know it's really hard to break that cycle of despair, but you can make a small step by resolving not to indulge in those negative comments which are so self defeating. The feelings may still be there within you, but the words we use to describe those feelings - the language we indulge in - affects our mood far more than we realise. If we're not careful we become the person we describe and plunge further into the pit.

It's hard to live with suicidal feelings Sam. Everyday feels like an endless battle to survive, but let me tell you that suicide is not inevitable. People do journey on beyond suicidal feelings to see better days. I've seen it happen. There is no reason why that cannot be you. You'll not get there alone, it will take support and there are plenty of people on here who'll offer that when hope seems so lost.

Remember this, every single person on this forum has lived, or is living through a coming out experience. I've been there and I can remember the depths of depression I went through too. You have a wealth of experience to call upon through our shared testimony Sam. Use us, lean on us and above all keep talking to us.

I care about you by taking time to post all of this. We all care about you.

If at any time you feel as though you are in a real and immediate crisis, please don't keep it to yourself. Call the Suicide Prevention helpline in your country. The people taking the calls are not there to judge, criticise or tell you what to do, think or feel, but they can be an immediate point of support to help you through. Talking to a trained person in those circumstances can make a huge difference and give you the strength to push back against the dark feelings. It does work if you are prepared to talk to them.

(*hug*)

 

I know how difficult life can be but you are an important person in this world.
Just remember there are people who are going to love you regardless of what you are. If you ever need to talk message me.

 

Nothing to be scared of! Gay is a label, you are a individual and if you are a man who likes men than go with it and enjoy life! I recently I took a bottle of sleeping pills because/ I can't handle the thought of losing Jesse the perfect man for me like I custom ordered him children and all! I tried car exhaust two years ago over him and that was painful! Oh the prescription pills gave me 4 hours sleep. Last Wednesday I totaled my car drunk. Which I put in a album on here to warn others can learn from my mistakes. I have lived so far in spite of myself jail woke me up though I hurt now for him.this pillow my head is on smells like him as his shirt is under the case. You will find a man and your life has not began yet, so why not try? Ending before you start is senseless! God may not protect you from your self as I have been. Just give it a chance as suicide can happen any time, why start there? June

 

Sam, the idea is to call and talk about your thoughts and feelings. They are not there to break your trust, but to give you confidence to talk and share your feelings with them. They will speak to you a little, but they will listen more as you talk and open up to them. If the immediate response of the helpline was to call the police it would shatter public confidence in the service they offer and nobody would ever speak to them.

You shouldn't have to give all sorts of personal and identifiable information away, like your name, address and telephone number. Remain anonymous, if you prefer. The idea is for the call to be focused on you and best practice dictates that everything remains totally confidential.