I guess it's my fault. What a relevant statement that is. I have faults. I am damaged. I've driven away all people, and sabotaged my own life so much over the past few years. It was bound to happen. I'm friendless and alone at last. I finally got my wish. I wished everyone would leave me alone. Who says you can always get what you want? Hallelujah, Hallelujah. I am truly broken. The last of the people I'd actually like to talk to blocked me on steam. Undoubtedly soon on facebook too. Not that I ever messaged him often. The last time I talked to him he suddenly went offline. I guess he got sick of me too. Took me weeks to actually figure out he blocked me. Being as self centered as I am. Now I have all the time in the world to wallow in my self pity. No ones left to bother me. I am so alone, I could literately disappear and no one would notice for months. It's what I've wanted, for as long as I could remember, at least before, I tried. I can even do that anymore. Don't feel obligated to respond to this. I'm not in crisis. I'll live a long life. A craven slob. Just wanted to write out some thoughts.
*hugs* I'm not responding out of a sense of obligation; I'm responding because I know how it is to have pushed people away to the point of utter isolation and because I care. Being alone isn't bad in and of itself--it allows room to heal, room to reflect, and, in fact, some of the greatest works and discoveries and history have arisen from solitude. Being lonely, on the other hand, absolutely sucks. If you aren't lonely, then more power to you; if you are, though, then I wish you the utmost success in curing this loneliness, whatever that means for you. Maybe that means apologizing to people in your past, admitting that you've made mistakes and that you realize now how those mistakes have hurt your relationship; maybe this means making new friends in new places. Then, I know how it feels to be lonely but to feel that you're better off alone anyways, that you aren't good for people and/or that people aren't good for you. I don't know how true this is for you, for me, or for anyone else, but those who study the brain say that humans need socialization, face-to-face socialization, on at least some level, for optimal neurological health. This, I've read, can be somewhat supplemented with pets, if that's your thing. Most people are broken. Humans are not entities that stay put together very well. If it helps any, broken does not mean worthless; many of our finest pieces of ancient art and architecture are cracked, damaged, and missing many pieces, but we still see them as priceless and beautiful. May you have the utmost peace and happiness in your life.
