A year ago I left home. I quit my job and just left my small hometown with my boyfriend cause i needed to get out of there and I thought my family would do anything to stop. Well my dad today told me off and said the way they treated me and my bf is all my fault. They said the fact that I did not let them get to know him caused them to think bad things about him. From my perspective their hostility caused me to drift away and not get express my feelings. My dad said them not knowing my bf and assuming bad things about him is justified cause they did not him and we just left. They are apparently still mad at me for leaving and I understand that. I was also so mentally depressed my whole time in that town that it took over everything. I am glad my dad laid it all out finally but was their attitude even justified. He told me that my homphobic sisters sister in law is the one who spread the rumor about my bf saying in a restaurant that he is living off of me. He also told that I my emails to my mom I am guilt tripping them and needf to say sorry cause the way they saw things is all my fault and I make my mother cry. Also that moving away deeply affects them every day and they accept my sexuality while I act like their homophobic. My dad is very argumentative and you always have to admit he's right. The emails I sent were just me sending my perspective and my dad also says I am ungrateful. What a day.
I get this. And I'm very sorry you have to experience it as well. It's difficult to hear it from the people who are supposed to be supporting you the most, but know that, at least this time, they are completely wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You did what you have to do. They were trying to drag you down, but you refused to let that happen. So, kudos to you for taking the initiative and leaving. Don't let them drag you down again. (*hug*) Stay strong!
You have no obligation to stay in the town, introduce your boyfriend to them, or to express your feelings to them. If you don't feel comfortable doing any of those things, you don't have to do them. I think that if they really want you to open up to them about your feelings and if they want to meet your boyfriend, they should first earn that. They can't be hostile and expect you to open up to them.
Until the e-mail came, were you happier away from home? My guess is yes. That probably should be your best guide as to how to move forward. Lex
It stems from the first time they meet me and him we were drunk and they just popped in because I did not answer their phone call. But than again does even being drunk justify a complete bad picture of things. ---------- Post added 16th Sep 2014 at 02:28 PM ---------- I am very happy to be away from home. They basically think it is my fault they had bad assumptions about my boyfriend because I never talked about him or invited him over. When I stopped by after work and they lived nearby they always said a rude comment about him and our relationship that made me push them away.
I'd say that there's your answer then. If you'd like, send a "I'm sorry you feel that way. But things have gone a lot smoother in my life since I moved away, and I'm reluctant to do anything to change that." Lex
Exactly. Talking to them is like talking to a wall especially my dad. His way of talking is I'll yell at you until you say I am right about everything.
I think that unless and until they demonstrate that they're ready to listen to you in dialog (as opposed to yelling at you), I think not talking to them is a good decision, especially if talking to them may compromise your happiness. If one day they demonstrate that they're willing to listen, then you may open up with them if you want to.
Well yeah I mean I email my mom time to time and she always says thank you for explaining everything to me and never takes offense. I think the problem with my dad is he has been holding back a year of emotions and it finally went off and I have the same problem in some respects but I try to always express my emotions in a decent way no matter what. Sometimes we do express our emotions in offensive ways which can be bad no matter how good the intentions are that is why I hate emails or texting in the first place especially with parents.
I believe that sometimes when certain family members aren't accepting of ones orientation, they treat the person poorly and then when that person has had enough and leaves or cuts off or reduces contact, the family starts to feel guilt but won't admit any wrong. I have a religious aunt that said some very rude things to me when my sexuality was discovered. I became very uncomfortable and our contact was greatly reduced (we were previously very close). She then tried to act like that past behavior never occurred and tried to blame the lack of communication on me as if it was unjustified. I think it's a form of passive aggressive behavior and an unwillingness to accept wrong-doing. Based on the comments I received, I was a second-class human being and yet she wondered why I was uncomfortable coming over to her home after that. :dry:
Yeah I get that. My family is mostly accepting besides my sister. I tell my family about my sister and kept mentioning how horrible she is too me to my parents. My dad finally said it is her decision and we have nothing to do with it and are staying out of it. He also said I don't get along with my sisters so I just deal with it. My dad is just so rude and blames all his bad feelings on me because I did not open up about my relationship. He just decided to call and yell at me for things that happened a year ago cause he is a coward that cannot express his feelings until they become too much and he yells at you. I even remember him talking to my boyfriend for two hours while I was at work and he says he never had a conversation with him and I stopped by my parents that day and he sat there with a look of awkwardness and my mom tried to get him to express his feelings and he in no way was gonna do that.
