Hi there, Lately I've been thinking about whether or not I'm actually worthy of my parents love. They are such nice people and would do anything for me and exactly that makes me sick. Everytime they're being nice to me I feel like I'm betraying them by not telling them that I'm gay. I feel like I'm using them everytime they buy me clothes, presents or spend money for me. Because lets not deny the fact that in the near future there's gonna be a day where I'll dissapoint them. And I'll dissapoint them VERY much. Not only that their idea of me getting married to an indian man in at least 4 years is gonna fall apart but besides that I will bring shame on my family and make them be hated by fellow indian people and all of our family members (pretty sure of that one!). I feel like I could run away from home and never come back, shout at them that they should stop being so nice to me because its kills me, it makes me sick that they are being soooo nice but dont know that their little daughter is actually GAY and will most likely make them have a heart attack in the near future. Any advice on how I can deal with these thoughts of mine? I really feel sick every time they do something for me. It drives me insane!
I'm gay, and I'd like to think I'm worth my parents' love as well, even though I won't marry (a woman) and provide them with grandchildren either. The main difference here is that my parents know about, and are totally cool with my sexuality. This suggests the main problem here isn't your sexuality, or you keeping your sexuality from your parents - the main problem is your parents (presumed) homophobia, and the expectations of what you are supposed to provide for your parents as their child. Lex
Hi Lex, Well, that is a huge difference indeed isn't it? Yes, like they already have a plan of how my life should look like and you know I somehow can't blame them for that because almost every parent wishes for grandchildren and to see their children getting married. What bothers me is that I'll dissapoint them by not fullfilling any of these wishes of theirs and furthermore making them suffer!
It sucks - no question. But it's not uncommon in other areas, too. I knew a guy who was a pro athlete, and was totally stoked when he had a son, because now his son was going to grow up to be a major star athlete, too! Except his son isn't like that. He's not very athletically inclined, and in fact is something of a klutz. Was the guy disappointed? You bet. But he's gotten over it. He realizes he has a kid who excels in other ways. Hopefully, your parents will eventually get to that point as well. Lex
I am a mother and I can tell you your mother will love you no matter what! She will always be proud of you! Stop praying your fears.. you are worrying about a if or maybe assuming they see you through your eyes,WRONG THINKING! I cannot speak for your parents, neither can anyone else on here,but they changed your diapers and see themselves in you which is BIG, trust me! I am 42yo and raised one child from 2 weeks old to 5 years and one from 12 till18.so I do have some experience. Feel free to question me all you need. June
I forgot to answer your first question! YES you are worthy of being loved! I have been lost feeling not worthy just since last week I thought the second true love of my life Jesse seems to swing back and fourth between me and some other woman I believe to be his children's mother. On the outside let's face it I am considered a guy, he is straight, nearly ten years younger,the body and face of a Greek God,sparkling deep blue eyes,lover a decade in the same company, beautiful child ten,I mean I couldn't have ordered a more perfect man.yet he always has a barbie girlfriend, lets face it look at me! I am his first true love and I thought he was gone for good because he went to her a month ago this time, his number was disconnected! I feel so unworthy! He played the bill this morning and called me first! I could hear the relief and sheer joy in his voice and he missed me and can't wait to see me! I have been so unhappy I got drunk last Wednesday wee hours and totaled my car which is a mericle from God I walked with not a scratch! Oh, I got a DUI and one years probation, and lost my drivers license for six months! Also spent 3 nights in jail! I have never been to jail before! See where that thinking can lead? I'll attach a picture I took earlier of myself,imagine a younger Chippendale buff straight man who makes excellent money is in love with me! Yes every person deservedly gets love! June (me) tries her best to be a good example of a devout Christian housewife. I hope you can learn from my stumble! June
I feel just like you from time to time, wondering why all this kindness and love and etc for the black sheep of the family... I guess you can only understand why they do that when you have your own kids: It's a kind of inconditional love or 'I love you just because' TM... As simple (and weird) as that. They see you as a piece of themselves, as that little cute baby that you were long ago... 'You can't really explain it if you haven't experienced it', or at least that's the answer I've got from every parent I've asked about the subject. In other words : They are mad. Give yourself a break, it's not worth the trouble you are making for yourself... Those feelings come and go. You don't need to prove anything to anyone... This is your life.
@ Lexington @ JuneCleaver @Tulpis2198 Thank you very much for those uplifting words to every one of you! You're all so right. I think after I thought about it for some days, I feel better now. ---------- Post added 18th Sep 2014 at 09:45 AM ---------- You are so right! My parents tell me that all the time too. I also believe its some sort of unconditional love. Wow. Pretty brave to spend half of your life raising up a kid with so much love without knowing whether or not you'll get that love back or not. Sick. Anyways thanks for your advice!
Of course you are worthy of love! It sounds like you have great parents. And even though they may not react well at first, they will still love you.
