Just arrived at my new school (3rd one), which is about 1200 miles from home. Not the farthest I've lived away from home, but it's the 2nd farthest. And I'm on my second panic attack of the day. I get those often, but not quite this often. Home is familiar, it's predictable, it's known, comfortable even. Those are accurate feelings towards home. I also like to travel, probably because I'm not quite comfortable enough there...maybe it's not that I'm not comfortable enough there, but I'm looking for someplace even more comfortable...maybe I could've found some place closer. Each time I go away to school I freak out, the last one, several thousand miles away, was pretty bad. However, I wasn't quite as prone to panic attacks as I am now, or I wasn't at such a constant elevated state of anxiety. So I'm freaking out now. I know things will get easier and better once classes start, I start meeting people, I start joining clubs, just doing things. I know all this, yet I can't calm myself down. This is ridiculous. I don't know if I'm posting this just to ramble, to ask for advice, or to just let people know I'm having a hard time. Right now I'm ripped in two, one half wanting to run home and lock myself in my old room and never travel out into the world, the other part wants to find the place that's best for me and just explore. Help.
