As of late, I have been feelong extremely depressed for some unknown reason, but beforr I dive into things, it would be best if you got an idea of what I have went through these past few years... I warn you, this thread is long, and will take a good chunk of time to read, but if you put up with me, and help me through this yet again... Well words cant describe how greatful I would be. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/129284-need-some-serious-advice.html Ya done reading that? Thank you... Itll help you understand... Recently, i have been learning to let go of the boy had that mega crush on, but since then, (yes i have noticed a few hot guys, mainly celebritys since I do not have any male friends and dont really leave home) i have felt something missing. Im pretty sure that its because I no longer spend hours thinking of him and now Im missing something inside that was full of his thoughts. But i feel its more than that. Have you ever felt like you werent content with something, but lacked the willpower or strength to change anything? This is kind of how I am feeling. I recently came out my parents a second time, (even longer story...) and again, I basically got the "No you're not, just let love comes when it does" speech) and since then, I feel a bit relieved but still awkward at home. I feel as though I still need to admit to myself that I am gay, no matter how many times I say it in my head or alloud to myself, almost as if I am not content. I dont know if it is still my own refusal to accept myself, which may be, I have always been overcritical of myself, I aleays believed nothing I ever did was worth a piece of dirt... The emptiness inside, the self unacceptance, Im not sure why, but is really bringing me down, even to the point where I hate myself more for it. Why I no longer have the drive to even do the things I once enjoyed... Read, play my piano or drums, play video games or even write my stories... The will to do that is gone, and I am just tired all of the time, tired of fighting the endless fight. My suicidal thoughts have returned. Not nearly as fleshed out as before, not a plan, no attempts yet, nothing. Just imagining the final rest, the end to the fighting and pain is all. Sleep, no more feeling the weight of being awake and knowing as soon as I get out of bed, that my mind will click on and start once again an endless uphill battle for self acceptance.
I have several advices for you, but before you read them please don’t forget that these are all nothing more than my own personal opinion. 1. Start taking one 250 to 500mg magnesium pill (they should come in packs of 30), in the morning after breakfast. This will help with the whole “feeling down and don’t have energy for anything” situation. Consult a doctor if you are taking other medications. 2. Stop giving a f**k about what your parents think about your own sexuality. 3. Start going out and appreciating all the beautiful guys you see and maybe even start a conversation with someone. Obsessing over people is bad but in your situation I think it’s precisely what you need. To find someone new and start obsessing over them! Best way to forget an old crush…
I will have to ask my doctor about a magnesium pill. Its hard for me to not care about my parents opinions. They have been the best parents in the world, and I could not ask for anyone better. Im super attached to home which also led to some seperation issues my freshman year of college. I know I want to, but first, one must get a job...
Hang in there... You should really talk to someone about what you're going through. It really helps if it doesn't work the first time then, keep talking with those people, if they are really your friends theyll be there to listen. Write down anything that comes to mind concerning what issues you are going through then burn the piece of paper. Sorry if I can't be anymore help. (*hug*)
Hey arkangel, As a parent myself, I would want to know whether my kids are suffering, it may be helpful to have a deep and serious conversation with them about exactly how you feel. They may or may not accept who you are, yet, but hopefully they will understand the distress you are going through and seek help for you. It isn't healthy to be at home all the time, or to have suicidal thoughts. Take what you are telling us here and share with those who can help you directly, this not a weakness on your part, it is not something you can hate about yourself, because it is beyond your control and this requires professional help to be dealt with. What do you plan to do?
