Cutting

I think it is possible you wrote this cause you know you need some help with this and maybe you wanna stop, but you just don't know how to at this point. If you are looking for judgement, you won't find it with me because although I have never done it myself or understand the motivation behind why a cutter cuts, I just want you to know that you have my support and my thoughts..

I can't give you any expertise support or advice, other then it could be something you need to get some professional help with when you are ready to accept the help. I am one of the ones who wishes she could help just by hugging it all away.. I have a friend I met online who cuts too and when he cuts, I just wanna hold him and let him know how much I care.. So although I can't reach out and give you a real hug, I want you to know my thoughts are with you and there are people who do care for you.

You say that it is a relief to cut, but do you feel relieved in letting it out through this site? I think that is in part why you wanna vent and let it out.. It is a hard and at times shameful secret to keep inside of you and I think it is a relief to know you have this site so you can let it all out here.. Just know that I don't judge you and just want you to know I am here if you need anything at all.

 

I don't know your story, why you are cutting. Just know that you are not alone. I know that I speak for myself and probably many others on EC when I say you are not alone in what ever you are going through. Cutting is an addiction. One cut is too many, and a thousand cuts is never enough. The longer you cut the worse it gets. Please get help. Tell someone. I promise, you will regret the silence. Getting help is the most important thing you can do. Like I said, I don't know your story, but it can't be worth cutting yourself. Please Please Please get help.

 

What happens to your mood when you cut; does it calm you for a while? Does the physical pain replace the emotional pain and keep you safe from more powerful feelings? Tell us more about it if you can.

How do you think you would manage if you used something less destructive than your knife and substituted cutting for a different kind of emotional release? What have you tried as an alternative, if anything?

Please understand that I'm not trying to tell you to not cut, especially if you would cause your mood to sink further and make you feel even more vulnerable, but I wonder if there is an alternative to cutting. What do you think?

Please don't bottle up your feelings - talk to someone or talk to us. Talking is important when you are so low and vulnerable and we all genuinely care.

 

Thanks for coming back to us. I don't know if you found it easy to open up a little more, but I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. As I've already said, talking about it is important. It doesn't have to be a taboo subject that cannot be mentioned to anyone.

I don't know for sure how you feel about the cutting, but I'm guessing it's a coping mechanism (and that's what it actually is) that you'd rather turn away from, if you can. It's not easy because it can become rather addictive over time, as you seem to have found out, but it can be done. It's your choice of course and nobody can tell you what to do, think or feel - I'm certainly not going to do that, but there are alternatives to cutting and a few options to try to reduce your dependency on this coping pattern.

If you want to stop, it might be a good idea to restrict access to the knife. So rather than carrying it around in your pocket, where it's within a seconds reach, lock it away or hide it behind a wardrobe so you have to make a concerted effort to use it. It doesn't sound much, but it can reduce the amount of cutting you do over time. Just having those extra seconds or minutes can build in time for you to pause for consideration.

Another thing to try is a fifteen minute pause. It's a technique used by many people who have a relationship with cutting/self injury. The UK SI group, Lifesigns offer this guidance:

When the urge to cut comes upon you, check the time, and tell yourself that you have felt the urge, but you are going to choose to hold off on any self-harming behaviour for 15 minutes; if after this period of 15 minutes, you still feel like self-injuring, then you can. It's your choice; you have the power, the control - even if in the past it hasn't felt that way. Choose to wait; choose to hurt - it's a very strong lesson.

For the duration of this 15 minute 'waiting period' try to keep yourself occupied; go for a walk, flick through the TV without watching anything, or write down the cause of your distress, write a letter to yourself about your feelings. After 15 minutes, you can check how you feel, and how you feel about the urge. You could choose to hurt yourself now, or you could choose to wait another 15 minutes. You can keep playing this 15 minute game, and maybe the urge will pass, maybe not, but it's your choice at every 15 minute step. If you get through the urge and manage not to hurt yourself, perhaps you can tell us about it. It will be an achievement worth sharing.

Keep the lines of communication open so you are not going through all of this alone. You might not be able to stop cutting quickly or easily and you shouldn't feel bad about that, but stay connected and give yourself an outlet for the feelings that are feeding the urge to cut. Many people on Empty Closets will be able to empathise and offer emotional support.

(*hug*)

 

You are welcome Hun,

I think PatrickUK's advice is really good and it could be helpful to you, but it's up to you and you alone to make that decision that you wanna be pro-active in trying to stop cutting. Like I said before, I won't judge you no matter what, you really need the support of us right now and we are all here for you. It would be hard to talk about, and I do feel proud of you for being able to be strong enough to come here and post about it. I hope you are able to keep talking and keeping the communication open here as well. Just know you aren't letting anyone down if you don't feel you can stop easily, just take it day by day or hour by hour if you need to and know you have support here and you can reach out to us at anytime.(*hug*)

 

Firstly, I am really sorry you are in this situation, I understand it completely and I have been in your situation- it is hideous, scary and soothing in a really sickly way- I know.

Secondly, I am here if you need to message me, whether you just want a friend, need advice or just want to vent- you aren't alone, I promise. My name is Tia.

Right, next. The 15 minutes thing that PatrickUK recommended does work for me. If I end up "giving in" it is due to multiple stressors or a responsibility of which I can't do properly while in that state of mind, for example, I have a lesson or exam. I can share some of the distractions that work for me, or that I think will work for you- let me know, I don't mind. Also, I think this is fairly obvious, but the deep routed problems need to be addressed that are causing you to self harm (mood swings? gender identity?) through therapy or counselling. Maybe look into school therapists, college counsellors or talk to your parents about getting some support.

In the meantime, make sure your blade is clean, use rubbing alcohol or surgical spirit on the blade. Get good quality band aids and LEAVE THEM ON to do their job, if in doubt, *carefully* shave or use hair removal creams in the area so they can stick. You might want to get a cream like Germolene (spelling?)- basically any anti-bacterial cream used for open wounds and cuts, it is also handy if they have a local anesthetic in (ironic, I know.) Try to wear clothes that won't rub on the area, and generally try to be sensible and get help if you need it. Seriously, hun.

I think I am done. aha. I hope I make sense and that this helps you in some way- like I said, feel free to message me!

 

That is a good start.. I think that is just what you need to do.. When you feel the urge.. Just try to do something else to take your mind off it.. I just wanted to come back and say well done, I'm sure there will be tough times ahead and you may still cut when you really feel you need to, but this is a good start ~big hugs ~

 

Throw away that dam pocket knife. This is usually a sign of extreme depression or suicidal thoughts. You need to try to find other ways besides scarring yourself to release your emotions. Therapists like mine are great for venting
Also you are NOT obligated to feel bad or believe in anything, please don't harm yourself. It makes me really upset when people resort to drastic things like cutting. Good medication, relaxation, and therapy can help A LOT. Trust me I've been there if you want to talk about it. I just never could bring myself to hurt my body it only causes more pain and guilt.

 

You need some serious help man. Please don't do that to yourself and hide it from others.

 

Awe Hun, I'm sorry.. It's gonna be hard to quell the temptation.. Especially if you feel you can't get rid of the knife.. I wanna understand more about this.. So forgive me if this is a bit personal and you don't have to answer.. But you say that you can't get rid of the pocket knife.. What is really stopping you from doing that? Is it too much of a relief when you know you can cut vs feeling stressed out knowing you have gotten rid of it and will them need to focus your mind on other things cause you don't have that outlet anymore?

You need to know that even if you are still cutting.. We aren't going to stop being here for you or judge you because I feel like you are posting this for a reason.. Not to gain attention, but because you really feel you need to reach out and talk to someone or maybe you do wanna stop and get some help but you are just at a loss as to how to get the help you need. You say it's scary but at the same time effective.. How does it make you feel when you do cut? Is it just a big sigh of relief for you? What specifically triggers you needing to cut? What emotional feelings actually gives you that thought that you need to?

You say you write in a diary, It could be an idea to document what feelings you feel when you feel the need to cut and how often that feeling comes to you and what you could do vs actually cutting that might give you the same relief or that will take the feeling away for a while.. It's up to you if you wanna do that, but it sounds like you are really crying out for help here and wanna get help, so I think even if you think you can't do anything besides cut.. It will be a good idea to think it all through and think about what is best for you emotionally and physically if you wanna move forward. I don't see it as a waste of my time at all.. I see it as showing a friend that you are not alone in this and that we are all here to help you through this.

 

I find that writing is the absolute worst thing to do because it creates a negative thought loop that actually further ingrains negative ideas. I've tried that and it made things much worse. If you write down that you always feel like crap then you are more likely going to mentally reference that and generally feel even more crappy. Thats actually an ocd thought loop.

 

Hey , I know where you're coming from. I was cutting until about a month ago. Its not just as simple as stopping, because its an addiction. I dont have the answers, because everyone gets over it in different ways. But I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about it.

 

I'm not going to lie, cutting helped me cope with a lot of negative emotions, but I became addicted to the sense of relief that it gave me. It got so bad that I'd cut whenever someone made me mad, sad etc. Also, I started cutting as a way to punish myself for liking women.

Whatever the reason, it's never okay to hurt yourself in anyway to make yourself feel better. If anything cutting leaves some really ugly scars, which will forever be a reminder/trigger.

The only thing that helped me was getting professional help. Have you tried seeking some kind of therapy?