Africa

Here it all goes...

About 9 months ago, I causally started talking to this amazing woman. We agreed, that neither of us were looking for a relationship at the moment, but just wanted to enjoy each other’s company and have fun. We are both busy individuals; I am in school, work full time and training for the Olympics, she is a Phd student and works full time as well. However, that agreement did not last too long as our feelings started to get deeper for one another. Eventually, we both found ourselves in a relationship with one another, always talking, always with one another, etc. It was great or so I thought.
Summer came, and my gf left for Africa for 2 months; she had some research to do for her PhD. The first month or so she was gone...we were doing well. We communicated everyday via phone and or Skype. We constantly expressed how much we missed each other, wanted to be with one another, and everything else in between. The last few weeks she was there, all communication just suddenly stopped; no emailing me back, no video chatting, texting, nothing at all. I tried, reaching out to her multiple times, but it became rare that I got a response. I knew something was up, but I just didn’t know what exactly.
- A little background info: My gf has been to Africa multiple times! She loves it there. She not only appreciates the culture, but the way of life there. Africa, brings her back to life; she feels as though she is able to live life freely, without deadlines, agendas, obligations and burdens, and actually enjoy life.
A few more weeks passed, and it was almost time for her to come back home. Eventually, I was able to get In touch with her to get her flight info. However, she didn’t really want me to come pick her up; she was just going to catch the train back and then walk home. Her reasoning not wanting me to come pick her up…firstly, she had given away her phone, so we would have limited contact info about her landing, and secondly, she said she would be tired and would probably sleep the car ride home. I thought both reasons were poor excuses, so I went to the airport to pick her up anyway. I got to the airport, super excited to see her, but it was evident the feelings weren’t mutual…or it could have been that she was just tired, jet lag, culturally shocked, missing Africa already… or just merely all of it. She’s finally home. However, when she got back she also had a lot on her plate. Firstly, she hadn’t secured a new apartment yet, so she was living with her brother and his friend’s family and their two children. Secondly, she had her qualifying exams to study for and following right after that, she also had a week to do a 30pg plus essay all for her Phd, and lastly just a whole bunch of other shit in between. When she got back to the states, she already felt behind in everything.
In the midst of everything, I did try contacting her, here and there to try and see her, because obviously I missed her. But because of everything that was going on, I tried to refrain from asking about “us.” I understood, she had lots on her plate, so I didn’t want to stress her out even more. I did try to call her two or three times over the next few weeks, but she never picked up or returned the calls. However, during that week I did get a text from her saying her ex was in town, and that she was going to go say bye to her and her dog (her ex was moving to Rwanda with their old dog). Okay, I was a little annoyed by that, simply because it could have been time I could have spent with her, but whatever. I later then texted her…”saying it’d be nice if you could return one of my calls.” Well, that text led to an even bigger text and finally us meeting up to talk about us. Long story short, she said while back in Africa, she started to question herself and our relationship. She said, she shouldn’t have left in a relationship, especially a closed one (monogamy isn’t her strongest suit), and when she got back she felt like I was becoming a burden and obligation. I’m sure you can believe that made me feel like complete shit, especially since I hardly ask for anything. She also said, she felt like she was failing me, which in turn…it all just reminded her of her past relationships, especially with the ex she said goodbye too (6 yr abusive relationship). We talked some more, we cried. She said none of this is really my fault, but all has to do with her own shit. She asked me what I wanted to do? I told her I’d like to wade through all of this and see where it goes. It’s just hard for me to get over how amazing things were….for them to change overnight and just continue with life as if nothing ever happened. She unsurely agreed. She said once things come down with her work load, that we would try to work on us. I agree, that is fair, however I still was feeling uneasy, because I don’t think that’s what she wanted to do.
After, that big conversation, I wrote her an email elaborating on my emotions, apologizing for some things, etc. Although, I have talked with her through text and have briefly seen her in person, two weeks later…she has still not responded to my email. I’m so frustrated and hurt, because I poured my heart out in that email. It contained no negativity, no nothing, and to not get a response….is like a slap in the face. I get it I wrote it in the midst of her studying for this big exam/ writing her paper… but she couldn’t find ten minutes out of the day in two weeks…to respond, not even when she left to go visit Colorado. For someone, that says she loves, cares for and misses me…it surely doesn’t seem like it. I have asked nothing of her in the last few weeks, but to respond to my email...and I haven’t gotten that; I guess that was asking too much.
I know her work load hasn’t calmed down yet and won’t until mid October, but I still thought we would at least be able to text a little more, but she hardly responds to my four or five texts, I send a week. I’m simply writing this…because I am confused and do not know what to do. Do I just let up all together and leave her be…to see if she comes around…or continue to send her a text here and there during the week to see how she is doing? I hate this feeling of no clarity, hardly no communication, no nothing. I thought, I was giving her space by not requesting to see her and no phone calls and limited text. Is that not enough? Somedays, I stupidly wait, to see if she texts me first expressing that she misses me, however, it’s always me initiating everything. Could it be that she really is just overwhelmed by everything else and deep down really does miss me? Or am I just blinded of the real reality…that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

Help,
Turtle