Ok, so what I'm about not say, I have never told anyone. I wanted to tell my parents, but I was too afraid to, because I was afraid of them never letting me be alone anywhere after this. But I need to say it, because the terror of it has been coming back to my mind all the time. I'll keep it brief. After going to a ballgame in Atlanta last year, I headed back to the car. Usually I always park on campus, but due to it being homecoming, I had to park off campus in a lot I found after looking for some time. I have a horrible inner compass so at night after the game I had no clue where it was. I looked around for around 30 minutes, and like the idiot I am, I walked down a dark part of the street because I figured I'd find it eventually. The only thing I found was these 2 guys, not much older than me. They heckled me at first and I just shrugged it off. But one of them grabbed me from behind and used his other hand to grab my privates and moved it around like if he was playing with it. I didn't know what to do, so I just yelled "rape!" and they both ran off. They didn't actually rape me, unless thats what you call that, but it was clear they planned on it. I honestly dont even know why I'm posting it now. Maybe just to get it off my chest. To this day, I never told anyone, they all thought I was late just because I couldn't find the parking lot. But i found it and cried for about an hour. How can I move past this? Am i making too big a deal out of something like this?
Certainly not. Groping- and that's what happened- is terrible. Add that to the fact it was dark and you seemed to be alone. That must of been scary as all hell. You're not overplaying this. You were almost raped and you've kept it in for this long? I honestly have no idea how'd you go about getting over this, but you've figured out the first step at least. Talk about it. Here and in real life. Everybody's here for you, so don't be afraid. ~<3
Hi artist. I'm sorry this happened to you. I think you did great, though, scaring these attackers off. I'd think you need to talk about it. My instincts say talk to a rape counselor, because it was attempted rape. I don't know exactly how, someone else will surely have better info for you. So, no, you are *not* making too big a deal. I think you are doing the right things. If there is any way I can help, please ask.
Thank you both. I think the reason its coming back to my mind is because it happened around this time last year. I was just afraid that because it wasn't rape, though it was definitely going to be, that I was acting stupid for feeling that bad about it. I always thought I was stronger than this.
Artist, you *are* being strong. You are *not* acting stupid. This is a terrifying, violent thing, and you did very well to stop it from being worse. Keep talking, Hun.
You are not making a big deal out of it.. You were touched inappropriately without your permission and they seemed like they would have gone a lot further if you didn't go what you did.. That is in my eyes just as traumatic as if you were actually raped. I think it is a very brave thing to open up to us about it, I do think it might be an idea to speak to a professional about though. They might be able to give you ways of moving forward and letting it go.
If there's one thing I learned these past couple days is that trying to present yourself as 'emotionally-strong' (whatever the hell that means) is pretty much a one way ticket to insanity. Let yourself have a mental breakdown or two (granted you're at home, that is). I don't know if this'll mean anything to you, but considering your circumstances it might. "Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along." I don't know where it's from, but I guess I'm a sucker for quotes, haha. People are there for you. You just got to ask. I know it's scary. I've had to come out to my parents on three different accounts, and I know I can't hide the fact I'm cutting from them forever. You just got to push all the anxiety out, and eventually you'll work up the courage to do something you'll discover you didn't really need courage for in the fist place. Sorry if this seems rambly, haha.
Artist, I found a website that could help: https://rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline They have anonymous ways to contact. I think you need to speak to someone with training for this, but I'm here as long as you need me, OK?
First, hugs. Having the courage to talk about what happened is, in itself, a big step. One of the most insidious things about sexual assault is the shame people feel in taking about it. They blame themselves -- "I shouldn't have been walking down that dark road"... "I should have done more"... When the whole premise, that one should have to do *anything* to be able to be free of groping or assault! is fundamentally flawed. And people minimize what happened. In your case, what happened was serious. Ok, so maybe you "only" got groped, but that in itself is an enormous violation, and the sheer terror of having these people come up to you, not knowing what was going to happen, would be extremely traumatic for pretty much anyone. Taking about it is one of the best antidotes to the shame. Therapy would be a good idea, as the feelings associated with this experience can be pretty long lasting and can affect you in a variety of ways. RAINN is a good place to start, but therapy would be even better. And, of course, just sharing your feelings here at EC can be enormously helpful as well. I am so glad you felt the courage in yourself and the safety in this community to share what you are feeling. Not only will this thread hopefully help you, but countless others will read it and realize that it's OK to own their similar experiences as well. Thank you.
You have absolutely every right to freak out, feel scared, etc. There is nothing wrong with that. You were violated. You could have probably tried to identify them at your school and gotten them some criminal records. That would be very fitting. But as your profile says, you're 22 and I would guess that you're not in high school anymore.
Thanks but yeah, this was after a college game in downtown atlanta. Identifying them would have been impossible.
